


My Fire and the Place I Need to Reach

by Major_Fortune



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternative Timeline, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Magic Penpals, Time Travel, Widojest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2020-04-24 07:53:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 52,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19168984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Major_Fortune/pseuds/Major_Fortune
Summary: Caleb finally learns a spell that will allow him to go back in time but when he uses it things don't go exactly according to plan...  He may have saved his parents but he is still a wanted man and with Trent Ikithon and his ex-school mates hot on his trail, Caleb finds himself missing his old M9 friends more than he can bare, specially a certain blue tiefling. After a long night of reckless drinking and self pitty, he ends up sending a message to Jester. The only problem is that she doesn't yet know who he is. But that doesn't stop the mischivious tiefling from answering, after all, she's used to hearing voices no one else can hear.





	1. Chapter 1

The moment it happened, Caleb started to shake. He put the final line in the paper and his hands, so steady and precise until then, started to flutter like butterflies. His heart too seemed to grow wings, beating so fast inside his chest he thought he might die. He had asked for death for such a long time, but he couldn’t have it then and he didn’t want it now. Not when he had finally done it, not when he had finally learned the spell that could change his life.

He looked down at the scrolled papers around him and released a breath he didn’t remember holding. He had purchased all the ingredients necessary and he had written down the spell enough times to commit it to memory, now all he had to do was say the words and draw the teleportation circle. A few lines of chalk and some words and he could be back to before it all went wrong, before he became a murderer, an orphan, a broken man...

But he couldn’t do it then. No, not without a night’s rest.

“In the morning, Widowgast, in the morning.” He told himself, his voice echoing trough the room. It felt like talking to a ghost. In less then 24 hours no one would know that name. He would be Bren again and Caleb Widowgast would disappear from history. In a way it did feel like death, like saying goodbye to a close friend. And he was already overwhelmed by the idea of saying goodbye to his other friends, the real ones sleeping next door. He hadn’t told them about the spell and he didn’t plan to, it was easier that way, no last words, no last chances to change his mind. Not that they could, not unless... _no_.

In a couple of hours, the sun would rise like it always did and they would awake like they always did, except he wouldn’t be there and they wouldn’t remember that he was supposed to be. He didn’t feel guilty, they wouldn’t have to feel the pain of missing him, but he would live with their loss, knowing that they would be out there, adventuring without him. Happy without him.

He laid down in bed but couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes, he kept remembering his brotherly arguments with Beau, his long nights teaching Nott magic, the time he did a crazy blood pact with Fjord, and Jester... Oh Jester, he knew he would miss her most of all, her smile like sunshine in his darkest days, her jokes that always broke trough his somber facade, the way her accent added syllables to his name, _Cay-leb_. No one would ever call him that again...

Before he knew what he was doing, he sprung out of bed and opened his door. He needed to go outside, needed to fill his lungs with the night air and ground himself. For years his mind had been consumed with only this, this manic search for the spell, and now he had it. There was no time for second guessing, no time for weakness. The only faces he should be picturing should be his parents but whenever he tried all he saw were flames. _Scheisse_ , he wanted to scream!

He stepped out into the hallway and froze. Jester was at the other end of corridor, standing by an open window in just her chemise, the simple white one with the pink flower trim, the long sleeves flowing in the breeze like ghostly manifestations.

Caleb thought about going back into his room, but it seemed like torture, the four walls like a cage meant for him and his thoughts alone. He had stopped mid-step, his breath caught in his lungs, and she hadn’t stirred, apparently still unaware of his presence. So he stayed, stopped in front of his door, like an idiot, taking in the way her skinned glowed like a sapphire under the moonlight, for what would be the last time.

After a while he noticed the way her shoulders kept shaking, going up and down in quick jerky motions, while the rest of her body stayed stiff, her head bowed down. She was crying. Jester, the most cheerful member of their group, _hell the most cheerful person he had ever met!_ was crying...

“Hey, Jester, are you okay?” He asked against his better judgement. She jumped at the sound of his voice, her hands going up to wipe away her tears with remarkable speed. He immediately regretted speaking.

“Oh, _Cay-leb_! Yeah, of course, I’m totally good!” She lied, turning to face him. She smiled brightly but her eyes were still reddened and shinny.

“You don’t have to lie to me, blueberry.” He walked up to her, his steps echoing far too loudly trough the hallway.

“But I’m such a good liar!” Her face started to go back to its normal, relaxed state, her smile brightening up even more. If he didn’t know better, he would have never guessed she had been crying a minute ago.

“Why are you upset? Was the barmaid flirting with Fjord again?”

She let out a snort of laughter, her freckled nose wrinkling up adorably. “Nooo. I mean, yes, but that’s not why.” She lifter her hands up and Caleb saw she had been clutching her Traveler’s symbol, tightening her small fists around it so hard her knuckles were almost white. “ _Cay-leb_ , do you ever feel like you’re not strong enough and all your friends will die because of it?”

He felt his heart stop in his chest. It was a thought that occurred to him...oh about a thousand times a day. “All the time.” His voice was a horse whisper, barely audible in the wind.

She nodded vigorously. “That’s how I feel. Technically not all the time, technically. But from time to time. And specially after yesterday’s battle.” They had just returned from fighting a group of giants, a fairly straight forward deal that, after a couple of failed spells, had turned into a very tricky situation. “I told Caduceus to not worry about preparing _revivify_ , because I wanted to do it, if we needed it. But then I went down and Beau almost died and there was nothing Cad could do about it! If Yasha hadn’t landed that last blow, Beau could be gone now and it would all be my fault!” Tears filled her eyes again, spilling over full cheeks and staining her gown.

“Nein, Jester that wasn’t your fault!” Without even thinking, he grabbed her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “ You couldn’t have known things would go that poorly. But we’re all fine now, that’s what matters.”

“But what about next time?” She looked up at him, her full bottom lip trembling. For a moment he thought of nothing but biting that lip, kissing it with his own over and over until it was swollen and flushed a deep purple and she was wrapped in his arms, her tears forgotten. But he didn’t, of course. He shouldn’t have even thought it, but he was a wicked man and she was beautiful and vulnerable and _oh so close_. This is why he needed to leave, so they could all be happy. So he could have his parents and she could have someone worthy of her, someone honourable, like Fjord.

“Next time we’ll try to do better. Not just you, all of us. We’ll try not to get hurt, and you’ll try to be there if we fail. Deal?”

“Deal!” She jumped up and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him with a strength far greater than his. Oh he was wicked and broken and he didn’t deserve it, but he was also weak, so he hugged her back, his arms snaking around her soft waist. _It is a goodbye hug_ , he told himself, _let me remember this last moment, let me have a life of imagining what could have been._

“Oh _Cay-leb_ , I’m just so glad I met you all! You’re the only friends I’ve ever had and I don’t know what I would do if any of you...” She chocked on the word, her breath ruffling his hair, her cheek surprisingly cool against his shoulder. He breathed in and inhaled the sugary sweet sent of her skin. “Not after Molly... You understand, right?” He nodded, not trusting his voice, sure that if he spoke the moment would be over. And he wanted it to last forever, to give him time to remember every detail of how she sounded and how she felt, so he could recall it for the rest of his life. “I knew you would understand. You always try so hard to learn more, to become better, even if you’re already so powerful! I want to be like that, I want to be powerful like you _Cay-leb_.” She stepped back and looked him in the eye and suddenly it became very hard for him to breathe. “I know I joke about not wanting to heal and not being _the cleric_ , but I really want to become a better healer, for all of you.”

_You don’t want to be like me, Schatz,_ he wanted to say, _you’re far to good for that. You want to learn because you care, because you’re giving and pure. I just learn for my own selfish reasons._

“And you will, with time.” He said instead. “ But don’t ever doubt you’re worth, blueberry, you’re good enough as you are.”

She gave him a big smile then and it was like the sun coming out after a storm, he swore he could feel its warmth on his face. He was glad he got to tell her that, even if it was the last thing he would say. Those were the words he wanted her to remember him by. Except she wouldn’t remember him.

“Even if I can’t reach you in time and you go unconscious in battle?”

“ _Ja_ , because that will most likely be my fault for being so squishy...”

“And even if I use up all my spells to evoke my spiritual weapon instead of saving them for healing?”

“That’s a perfectly valid choice, so again _Ja_.”

“And even if I draw dicks on all your books?” Her smile turned mischievous, her fangs shinning in the dim light. He couldn’t help but smile back.

“Even if you draw dicks on my face when I fall asleep, Jester.”

She laughed, her giggles soft like wind-chimes. “Thank you, _Cay-leb_. I’m really glad we talked, I feel a lot better now.” She yawned then, her moth forming a perfect little _o_ , her tail swishing lazily behind her. “I think I need to get some sleep now, it’s been a long day. I’ll see you in the morning, _Cay-leb._ ” Reaching up on her tippy-toes, she kissed his cheek, just above where his stubble gave way to smooth pale skin. It was the gentlest touch Caleb had ever felt, yet he knew he would feel its ghostly presence on his skin forever. How bitter-sweet, goodbye kisses were. How hauntingly lovely, unrequited love felt.

“Ja, see you in the morning, Jester.” He lied to her, for the last time.

*

When the sun rose, Jester crept into Caleb’s room, her quill and ink pots ready to draw some detailed appendages on his face. When she didn’t see him in bed she was confused, and when she saw the teleportarion circle on the floor she started to panic. She was about to run out to tell the others Caleb was missing when she realized she didn’t know who that was. In fact, she didn’t even know who’s room she was in, or why she had come in at all. Gathering her things, she slowly walked out. It was a beautiful day, she had no reason to be sad or worried, but the heaviness in her chest remained.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thank you so much for the support on the first chapter, I hope you like this one! Chapter 3 may take a little longer to come out because this is a pretty busy week for me and I've been slacking on my school work to write this, but I'll still try to get it out as soon as possible! xo

Caleb didn’t sleep the entire night. He tossed and turned in bed, full of thoughts of the past, both recent and ancient. Things he had done, things he wished he had, things he wanted to forget and things he would always try to remember.

  
Eventually he decided to get up and start preparing the spell. He readied the candles, one for each cardinal direction, then he took out the purple chalk and started to draw the arcane circle. It took him longer than he expected. He wanted to draw the symbols as accurately as possible, leaving no room for error, but his hands wouldn’t stop shaking, leaving him no choice but to re-do several of the more complex designs.

  
When he finished it, the sun still hadn’t risen, but his senses told him it was close. So he sat by the window, his knees tucked into his chest, watching the sky get progressively lighter. His shirt smelled like Jester, where she had laid her cheek, sweet and spiced like her cinnamon pastries. He closed his eyes for a second, taking in her scent and remembering the feel of her soft lips against his cheek. He wanted to leave her a note, tell her he was sorry he had to leave them and that he hopped she would be happy. She wouldn’t remember him for long but at least, if she saw it, she would know that someone named Caleb missed her.

  
“Meow?” Frumpkin said worriedly, jumping up on the chair next to him. Caleb petted him absentmindedly, stroking his fur from head to tail and back again.

  
“Don’t worry buddy, you’re coming with me.” Frumpkin started to purr, pushing his paws against his owner’s leg. “You’ll get to meet my parents and my old cat, he looks just like you...” He could hardly remember the old Frumpkin anymore, but he knew that when he had first summoned his familiar it was his parents’ cat he was thinking of.

  
The Eastern sky turned a beautiful shade of indigo and Caleb got up and put his coat on.

  
“Okay, let’s do this, before I do something else I’ll regret.”

  
He walked into the circle, careful not to step on any of the symbols. Then he summoned a ball of fire into his palm and started to light the candles, going counter clockwise starting from the North. When all four were lit, he put Frumpkin on his shoulder and started to chant. One by one the orange flames turned a bright green, their ghostly light spreading out until the lines of the chalk circle took their same sickly glow. All the while Caleb continued to chant, his voice the only sound in the morning air, his thoughts focused solely on the moment in time he wanted to go back to.

  
As the light grew brighter, forcing him to close his eyes against the glare, he felt his body become weightless and rise off of the wooden floor, pushed up by the flow of arcane energy. He thought of his parents, of their modest little house at the edge of the woods, of the afternoons he had spent among their, in the grass, with Astrid and Eodwulf. The light seemed to burn trough the skin of his eyelids and then, without warning, the was a loud bang, like crashing lightning, and Caleb felt himself getting pushed trough an invisible barrier, wind and sound rushing by him as he flew, an incorporeal mass, trough time.

*

  
Caleb felt his weight return and his feet touch solid ground again, but he did not dare open his eyes until he felt the wind stop. He heard birds chirping happily around him and slowly, carefully, blinked his eyes opened.

  
He was in the woods. Far off, between the trees, he could see the faint outline of his parents’ small wooden cabin. He was home.

  
Without even knowing, he started to walk towards the building, his feet gliding trough the familiar uneven forest floor. Instinctively, he knew where to duck to avoid low branches, where to jump over larger roots, where to stop to touch the tree where he and his friends had once carved their initials. There they were, right next to Astrid’s and Eodwulf’s. **B. A. E.** , Bren Aldric Ermendrud, the name of a ghost, brought back from the grave.

  
A branch cracked behind him and he turned with lightning speed, one of his hands inside his component pouch, ready to strike. But behind him was just that ghost, his younger self.

  
Caleb didn’t know what to do. In his excited panic, trying to get everything ready for the spell, he had forgotten to consider the implications of time travel. What would happen to his other self? What would happen to the timeline where the two of them to meet? Had he ruined everything just mere seconds after arriving?  
It was too late now to worry about these things. Young Bren stopped mid step, his face a mask of wonder and confusion as he recognized himself in the much older, haggard face of the man in front of him.

  
Caleb felt like he was looking into a funhouse mirror, the boy was who he remembered being but there was something off about him. His smooth, hairless face looked too innocent, his neat short hair too stiff, his posture too confident. With a startle, he realized he had been picturing the boy he wished he still was, but that Bren had never existed, there was only the puppet Ikithon had created.

  
His younger self reached out to touch him, his sleeve falling away to reveal bloody bandages covering his forearm. As the tip of his fingers brushed against Caleb’s face, they seemed to turn to dust, fading into his skin. The two men merged, creating a singular version, the only Bren in that timeline.

  
At first, Caleb wasn’t aware of the transformation, he had seen his younger self disappear but he felt the same, he thought the same. But reaching up to instinctively brush his long locks away from his face, he felt only the spiky feel of a buzzcut. Only then did he know they had become one, Caleb’s broken mind, Bren’s broken body.

  
He took a moment to get re-acquainted with his younger form, letting his hands roam his face and hair, down his wrapped arms. He knew what he would see if he took the bandages off, open wounds, fresh cuts, maybe some crystal fragments. He wasn’t ready to face that yet. Down by his ankles, Frumpkin let out a confused meow.

  
“Don’t worry buddy, it’s still me.” He said, in a voice that he almost didn’t recognize. Bending down, he picked up his familiar and scratched him behind the ears. “Welcome to my past.”

  
Off in the distance, he heard someone call his name, a frantic feminine voice, followed by a male one with a more laid back tone.

  
“Bren! Where are you? Breeeen!” The female voice sounded closer and closer. “Eodwulf, help me look for him, he could be hurt!”

  
“Relax, he probably just passed out again.” The male, who Caleb now knew was Eodwulf, said. He felt deep seethed panic and the bitter taste of bile filled his mouth, he wanted to run but he knew he could only avoid his old friends for so long.

  
“That’s what I’m worried about! Get up, you big lump!”

  
There was a cracking noise and the male let out a cry of pain. “Ahh, okay okay, stop it, I’ll help. Bren! Wake up, you wimp!”

  
“Don’t call him that! He’s been having a lot of private sessions with Master Ikithon and you know how those can mess you up...”

  
“The perks of being the favourite...”

  
“You mean the strongest.” Astrid’s voice held a twinge of defensive pride, like a lioness roaring to defend her cub. “Don’t be jealous, Eodwulf, it’s a bad look on you.”

  
Caleb watched them emerge trough the trees, first Astrid, lean and elegant, then Eodwulf, the tallest and burliest of them all. When she saw him, her icy blue eyes lit up and she half-ran towards him, arms outstretched.

  
“Oh, _Göttern gedankt_! Are you alright?” She grabbed him by the shoulders, her eyes roaming his face for any signs of pain or illness. Up close, she was even more handsomely beautiful than he remembered, her cheekbones and jaw sharp in an almost elvish, androgynous way. “Did you pass out? You left to get food almost half an hour ago!”

  
“I’m fine, _Schatz_.” To his surprise, he slipped into the role of his younger self almost seamlessly, calling her by the pet name he used so often back than. But the second he said it out loud, he realized he had been calling Jester the same thing in his head and felt nauseous. There were no similarities between the two girls, Astrid was sharp where Jester was soft, serious where she was funny, vicious where she was caring. And although Astrid had owned his entire heart at one point, that was no longer true and it felt wrong to pretend otherwise. “I’m... I’m alright.”

  
“Ugh” Eodwulf groaned, turning back towards the forest. Caleb had always suspected the bigger boy was jealous of their relationship, but looking into his eyes now he could see that it was more, a deeper sense of hidden hatred, like a dark flame. “Okay, you found him, I did my part. Now I’ll leave you two alone. If you need me, I’ll be taking a nap by the lake. Don’t wake me up unless it’s an emergency.”

  
Astrid dismissed him with a flick of her wrist, not even bothering to look in his direction, her eyes still glued to Caleb’s face. “What happened, Bren? Did you start to bleed out again?”

  
“No, I just found this guy and got a little distracted.” He lifted up Frumpkin, showing her his soft belly.

  
“Ugh, that thing is following you again?” She wrinkled her nose in disgust. Frumpkin hissed at her and jumped down from his arms, running off in the cottage’s direction. “You should lock it in a closet tomorrow, let it burn with the rest of your family.”

  
Caleb felt a lump form in his chest, making it hard to breathe. He remembered Astrid being unemotional and extremely devoted to the Empire, but he didn’t recall her being so flippant when it came to murder.

  
“Astrid... are you... are you sure we should go ahead with that plan?”

  
“Of course, silly, they’re traitors. Traitors need to die. But if you’re not sure about the fire, I have extra poison you can use.” He could only stare at her, wide eyed and feeling slightly sick, as she shrugged nonchalantly. Deep down, although he had never admitted it to himself, he had thought he could save Astrid, break trough her brain washing and stop her from killing her family. But now, standing in front of her, it was obvious that she was too far gone. “Now give me your arm, I want to check your bandages. You’re looking a little pale.”

  
She didn’t wait for him to reply, with quick, efficient motions, she grabbed his right arm, pulled up his sleeve and started to undo the wrappings. Slowly, she revealed his cuts and scars, some pale and old, most fresh and bleeding. The biggest one, running down his arm, from wrist to elbow, still had shards inside it, gleaming among the blood. Caleb wanted to throw up. Astrid just tsked in annoyance.

  
“He cut too deep, again... Why does he always do this to you? Did you talk back to him again?” She analyzed the cut with a detached, clinical eye, her face set in a grimace of disapproval, not for the wound, but for his assumed bad behaviour. Then, without bothering to remove the crystal shards or attempting to close the cut, she began re-wrapping his arm. When she was done, she gave it what could pass for a reassuring squeeze, but it sent a wave of pain coursing trough Caleb’s entire body.  
“B-bigger crystals...” Caleb managed to choke out. His mouth felt dry and his vision was blurry at the edges. “He’s trying bigger crystals on me.”

  
She smiled wide, cat-like in the scariest of ways. “Of course! I knew he had something special prepared for you, _Liebling_. Master Ikithon is a genius! Tell me, did it work? Did they make you stronger?” Caleb could only nod, her smile widened even more, impossibly so. “I hope he tries them on me next. Maybe after we kill the traitors? He’ll be so pleased!” From beneath the bangs of her pixie cut, her eyes shone with fervent devotion. Caleb knew with certainty that she would do whatever it took to please her Master, including killing her family and his as well. If he wanted to save his parents, there was no time for negotiating or hesitating. They had to run, now.

  
“Relax Bren, Master Ikithon will make us the strongest wizards at the Academy. Burning some traitors is a small price for that.” She reached up and kissed him, her lips thin and cold against his.

Caleb could feel nothing but dread, his mind was already on the road.


	3. Chapter 3

Night fell and Astrid and Eodwulf left. Caleb couldn’t stop thinking about their calm, neutral expressions as they walked away, casually talking about spending one last night with their parents, before taking their lives. Their eyes had the glazed over look of brainwashed puppets, it was terrifying.

  
He took his time making his way back to his parents’ cottage. On one hand he wanted to run, he was desperate to tell them all about Ikithon and his friends’ wicked plans and have them leave town, go somewhere far off, where they would be safe. On the other hand, his feet felt stuck to the forest’s grassy floor, he had thought about reuniting with his parents for so long, but now he was scared that reality would not live up to his fantasies. What if they noticed there was something different about him? What if they didn’t believe him? Would they turn him in for treason? The parents he remembered would never do that, but he was aware that his memories didn’t always match up to reality, they were too clouded by the sweet agony of grief.

  
When he finally reached the shack’s wooden door, he froze. Should he knock? Did he usually knock? He couldn’t remember... there was so much he couldn’t remember. He stood there for a second, hand raised in the air, mid-knock, his eyes closed, taking in the nostalgic sent of smoke and freshly baked bread and trying desperately to remember.   
But then, before he could act, the door opened and his father walked out. He was a big man, Leofric, just slightly taller than Caleb but much larger.His hair was a deep chocolate brown that Caleb had not inherited, but their eyes were the same shade of blue, clear and inviting.

  
“Bren!” He smiled warmly and it was just as he remembered it, his chest filled up with hope. “Come in _Sohn_ , dinner is ready.”

  
He wordlessly walked in, his eyes roaming the cozy inside of the cottage, all aged wood and colourful fabrics. So nostalgic. So flammable.

  
His mother was standing in the kitchen, cutting up a loaf of bread, her dress and arms covered in flour up to her elbows. She was as lovely as in his dreams, small and curvy, her hair like a flame, even brighter than his. She turned around and smiled at him, her brown eyes crinkling around the edges, emanating love and warmth. Without hesitation, Caleb ran and grabbed her in a tight hug, lifting her off the ground, his young body carrying the weight in a way that his older self could never. She laughed, letting him spin her around, breathing in her sent of wildflowers and good food. From the doorway, his father watched it all, smiling with fatherly pride.

  
“Oh _Liebling_ , it is so good to see you! You should come home more often, you spend too much time at the Academy.” Una said when he let her down. She looked him over, taking in every detail of his face, just like he had done with her before. “Look how much you have grown! My boy is becoming a big Empire soldier!”

  
He felt his blood run cold then. There it was, the nationalistic pride, the love for the Empire.

  
“ _Mama, Papa_ , I have something very important to tell you... Can we talk?”

  
“Of course, _Liebling_. But let’s eat first. Come Leofric, sit.”

They did, and she served them his favourite meal, sausages and mashed potatoes and fresh dark bread. It was the most delicious thing he ever remembered eating, but as soon as he thought about what he had to tell them, it turned to ashes in his mouth. Half way trough the meal he couldn’t take it anymore, he let it all out. He told them about Ikithon and the memory spell. He told them about the plan to kill all of their parents and Ikithon’s crystal experiments. Their faces showed confusion, then fear, then hesitation.

 

“Bren, _Sohn_... that is... That’s no possible...” His father said, his voice low, like he was talking to a scared child.

  
He didn’t answer, instead he pushed up his sleeves and unwrapped his bandages, letting them see the cuts and scars. His mother inhaled sharply, her eyes going wide with panic.

  
“My child... Why would they do this to you? The Empire would never...they just want to protect us... they would never...” She started to tear up, it broke Caleb’s heart.

  
“You don’t have to turn your back on the Empire, you don’t even have to believe me. All I ask of you is that you do this one thing: go away for a couple of days, leave town, just be as far away from here as you can tomorrow.” His father started to say something but he interrupted him. “Please! Indulge me with this one thing. If I’m right, you’ll be safe, if I’m wrong, nothing will have changed.

  
His parents looked at each-other for a while, silently communicating in the way that only people who had loved one-another for a long time can.

  
“Let us sleep on it, Bren. Things will be cleared in the morning.”

  
That was as far as he was willing to push them. He knew asking them to think of the Academy in a negative light was a lot, it was an integral part of the Empire and blind faith in their rulers was all they had ever known. All he could do now was hope they would do as he had said.

  
He had another restless night. Laying down in his childhood bed felt odd, like putting on a favourite shoe that didn’t fit anymore. He felt exhausted, when he closed his eyes they stung and burned, like there were grains of sand under his lids. But he couldn’t fall asleep. Trough the cottage’s thin walls he could hear his parents talking, their hushed tones loud enough that he could understand their nervousness but not enough for him to decipher their exact words.

  
At some point, exhaustion must have gotten the best of him, because he woke up with the weight of a cat pressed against his chest. Hesitantly, he opened his eyes, blinking one at a time. The feline on top of him was clearly not Frumpkin. He had once thought that his familiar looked exactly like his parents’ cat, but the differences between them were crystal clear now. While their coat was the same color and pattern and their eyes were the same shade, this kitten, adorable as he was, had the rounded, portly features of a spoiled house cat, while Frumpkin, being a Fae creature, was sleeker and more angular.

  
Patting the cat that wasn’t his, he got up and made his way to the kitchen. To his dismay, his parents were still there, their faces somber, their eyes shadowed a deep purple. He felt a wave of panic build up inside him. Had they contacted the Academy? Was Ikithon on his way right now?

  
“Are you turning me in for treason?”

  
His mother rushed to his side and gave him a tight hug. “Oh no, _mein Kind_ , never!”

  
“We are just unsure, Bren.” His father patted his shoulder, his heavy hand steadying him in his anxious state. “We’ll leave by the end of the day, but if nothing happens... if you’re wrong, _Sohn_ , we’ll need to get you some help...”

  
“That’s fine, I’ll do whatever you ask, just get out. Do it as fast as you can. I’ll try to slow them down but they’ll be here before sundown.” He hugged them both fast and walked out of their home, silently saying goodbye. “And _Mama, Papa_... pray for their families, there’s only so much I can do...”

 

*

  
He spent most of the day in the woods. He told himself he was preparing his spell components, in case something went horribly wrong, but he was actually hiding. He had spent his entire life trying to go back to this moment, to change it, to fix it. But what if, after all his work, he still couldn’t make anything better? What if he had to watch them die all over again? Just thinking about it made him sick.

  
In the afternoon, Astrid found him by the lake. She was wearing brand new robes in the colors of the Academy, the Cerberus Assembly’s crest embroidered over her chest. Smiling from ear to ear, she sat down next to him on a rock by the water.

  
“You look happy.” He said, trying to avoid her gaze. Her wide grin was making him incredibly uncomfortable.

  
“Of course I am, today is a very important day!”

 

“Because we’re becoming orphans?” He asked, his voice caustic.

  
“You really need to stop seeing it like that. They’re traitors, blood means nothing without loyalty. We’re just doing our part, for the Empire.”

  
“That doesn’t mean you need to be happy about it...” He grabbed a rock and threw it angrily into the water, the piece of stone sank under the depths with a pleasant plop. “I’ve never known you to be this callous.”

  
“And I’ve never known you to be this weak willed!” Her smile fell, her expression shattering like a broken porcelain doll. “Master Ikithon is giving us the chance to belong to the Assembly, to be part of the magical elite! It is the highest honor we could receive. Get over your ridiculous feelings and be thankful!”

  
Caleb breathed in deeply, trying to stay calm. He felt deep seethed anger boiling just under the surface of his skin. He wanted to yell, he wanted to grab her and shake her, maybe even hit her. Asking him to murder his family was foul, but asking him to be thankful for it was another level of wickedness.

  
But he couldn’t break character, he couldn’t let her know how opposed he was to this or she might take him to Ikithon. He couldn’t save his parents if he was in a cell in Rexxentrum.

  
He knew he wasn’t the best actor but Astrid wanted to believe him, to believe there was nothing wrong with their plan and their relationship. He closed his eyes and imagined a wall rising around him, keeping his feelings in, turning his boiling blood to frozen water.

  
“You’re right.” He said, his voice almost robotic. “I don’t know what got into me, I apologize.”

  
Her smile returned, large and sharp and full of madness. “That’s alright, Schatz. I knew you’d see the truth in the end. Now let us go, Eodwulf is waiting for us. We have much to do.”

  
She pulled him up to his feet and he grabbed her chin, pulling her head up to kiss her. He tried to forget their situation, tried to imagine her as the girl he knew before the Academy and kiss her with all the passion he had felt for her once. She melted into him, her arms coming up to encircle his neck, her mouth opened to ask for more. And he gave. Astrid was never a sweet lover, her touch always felt like a competition, each kiss and bite and lick was a sign of dominance and Caleb gave as much as he got. They kissed for what seemed like forever, it was rough and aggressive and it made Caleb feel absolutely ashamed of himself, but he kept it going for as long as he could, because he knew that afterwards there would only be death.


	4. Chapter 4

They walked to Eodwulf’s house, holding hands, their fingers painfully laced together in a dark imitation of actual intimacy. In reality, it wasn’t a romantic gesture, it was Astrid’s way of making sure he wouldn’t run off. He knew that, on a surface level, he had convinced her that he was willing to follow their plan, but deep down there was still something in her that didn’t trust him completely.

As they got closer to the village’s center, people passed by them and smiled, taken by the picture perfect image of the two young lovers. All the while Caleb felt like he was loosing circulation in his fingers, the tips going cold while his palms were sweating. If he tried to move his hand, even the slightest bit, she would only hold on tighter, threatening to crush his fingers in her far stronger grip. And that smile... her smiled never wavered.

It didn’t take them too long to reach Eodwulf’s place. His family was by far the poorest of the three and their house showed it. It was little more than a shack, far smaller than Caleb’s parents’ already modest cottage and in clear need of repairs. From afar it looked pleasant enough, half hidden in one of the village’s back streets, between a stable and another equally aged home. But the closer they got, the more Caleb could see the cracks in the dark, mouldy wood, the dust and grime on the glass windows and the way it leaned slightly to the left, the roof just starting to sink in on itself.

Eodwulf was standing outside, dressed in his brand new Assembly robes, leaning against the short stone fence that encircled the home, creating a muddy, desolated, stand in for a front yard. He had summoned a fireball into his palm and kept juggling it from hand to hand, his eyes entirely focused on the flame, reflecting the orange glow. When he heard their approaching footsteps, he closed his hand into a tight fist, snuffing the flame until a plume of smoke escaped between his fingers, only then did he look up.

“You’re late.” Unlike Astrid, he wasn’t smiling. The darkness Caleb had noticed yesterday only seemed more evident today, it deepened his stare, pulled at the corner of his eyes, created strange shadows over his features. “And you’re not wearing the Assembly’s robes.”

“He hasn’t gone back to the Academy yet. But never mind that, Master Ikithon can give Bren his robes personally, when he officially initiates us into the Cerberus Assembly.” She turned her wicked smile on him, her hand still holding Caleb’s like a vice. Eodwulf noticed their intertwined fingers and scowled but kept his mouth shut. “Are they both inside?”

She nodded towards the house and Eodwulf nodded back.

“ _ _Ja.__ He’s sleeping his hangover off and she’s making dinner.” Eodwulf’s mother was a chamber maid for one the wealthy families in Rexxentrum and his father was a miner in one of the Empire mining sites. He was rarely home but when he was, he was usually drinking. “Told her I had some big news, that she should buy something nice to celebrate. She got fish. I fucking hate fish.”

Astrid laughed and patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry Wulf, you’re not having dinner here anyway.” He smiled a bit then, leaning against her touch.

“ _ _Recht__. It’s just good to know they never knew me at all.”

“You were never their child, Eodwulf. You’re too good for that. You’re the Empire’s son.” His smile grew, coaxed by her compliments. Caleb wondered how he had never realized their twisted dynamic before, how Astrid pulled both of their strings. In many ways she was like Ikithon, but while he kept them in check with punishments, she was all about the rewards.

“Alright, let me get this over with.” Eodwulf walked around to the back of the shack and came back with a big jug of oil. He started pouring the liquid around, letting it drip down the walls, windows and doors, splashing it on the sparse bits of grass on the ground and even on the neighbor’s bushes, where he abandoned the jug.       

“I hope your house burns too, you old bastards. Always complaining about my dad yelling? After today you won’t hear him ever again!” He snorted, then turned back towards Astrid and Caleb. “Now back up, you two. I’m getting this barbecue started!”

Caleb tried desperately to pull his hand away one more time but it has hopeless, Astrid held on tight, not even bothering to look away from the house. He didn’t know if he could do this, see another human being burn. Even if it wasn’t his parents, it was still too horrible. And the screams! If they screamed he knew he would brake down.

Eodwulf summoned a fire bolt and tossed it towards the roof. For a second there was nothing and Caleb almost sighed with relief. But then the flame reached the oil and grew, engulfing everything in sight. Eodwulf stared, in awe of his work, his lips moving frantically to summon more balls of fire to make sure that every single corner of the shack was ablaze.

The heat was unbearable, it seared the skin on Caleb’s face and set his heart into a frenzy. __Run. Run. Run.__   _ _Run__. It rumbled trough his chest. He felt like he couldn’t breath.

Eodwulf’s parents finally noticed the flames and their panicked screams echoed out trough the street. They sounded confused at first, then startled, they started calling out for help, yelling their son’s name, afterwards it was just pain, the screams of pure agony of the dying.

Caleb doubled over, retching on an empty stomach, his eyes burning from the smoke and brimming with unshed tears. All the while, Astrid held him down like an anchor, keeping him in place while she watched the house burn down like it was a fireworks display.

When the screaming stopped, he could hear Eodwulf laughing. There were tears running down his face but his smile was as wide and sharp as Astrid’s. Terrifying and utterly mad.

“It’s done.” He whispered trough the blaze. “One down, two more to go.”

 

*

They wasted no time making their way to Astrid’s place, Caleb being half dragged behind the other two.

Eodwulf’s neighbors’ front yard had started to burn too, but they didn’t stay to watch. With the first step of their plan complete, Astrid was now even more motivated, eager to do her part. Even Eodwulf had more of a pep in his step, a foreign straightness in his posture, like a weight had been taken off his shoulders, like he he was relieved that he had actually gone ahead with the arson and there was now nothing he could do to reverse it. He was finally an orphan, a murderer, a perfect son of the Empire.

Astrid lived in the center of the village, in one of the better homes, two stories tall and made of beautiful gray stone and stained wood. Her family had been wealthy merchants for generations and she could have afforded to study at the Academy even if she hadn’t been personally picked by Ikithon.

Caleb couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if he had picked any other people, from any other village. She would have gone to the Academy anyway, it was always her dream. Nothing in the universe could have kept Astrid away from her own potential. But would he have noticed her power, if she was just another student? Would she have begged to study under him? Was there no timeline where her family could survive?

Astrid walked in without knocking, the door banging against the wall as she threw it open. Caleb stumbled in, her unyielding grip on his hand propelling him forward. At this point he was too weak to pull away or even try to resist her directions. His arm was sore and his hand throbbed with pain but it was his mind that was in true agony, caught in a cycle of flames and screaming.

“ _ _Mama__ , I’m home!” She yelled with child-like glee. “I’ve brought Bren and Eodwulf with me for dinner. Is that okay?”

Her mother walked into the common room from the kitchen, a polite smile that did not quite reach her eyes illuminating her face. “Of course, __Liebe__. You know your friends are always welcome.” She was a beautiful woman, Astrid’s mother. Tall and elegant like her daughter but with softer features, not really tainted by time. Her long blond hair, stripped with gray, fell behind her in a heavy braid. “But I do wish you’d warned me sooner, I’d make more food.”

“Don’t worry ma’am, we don’t eat as much as it seems.” Eodwulf said with a chuckle, closing the door behind him as he walked in.

“Nonsense! You are growing boys, you need to eat! Specially you Bren. __Mein Gott__ , you’re getting handsomer by the minute! But you look a little pale...” She gently pinched his cheek. “Sit, sit, I’ll have the table set in a second.”

“Wait up __Mama__ , I’ll help you with the cooking.” Astrid added. Finally letting Caleb’s hand go to follow her mother into the kitchen, that smile still plastered on her face.

Caleb let his body slump into a large armchair, his legs going limp beneath him. He felt helpless, useless. He had come back to right his wrongs but, even if he managed to save his parents, could he really feel innocent if he did nothing as his friends killed their families?

Eodwulf started pacing in front of him, his shoulders tense, muttering under his breath. All of a sudden, he stopped and leaned down, one hand on each of the chair’s armrests, pinning Caleb against the plush upholstered back.

“Oh handsome, gifted Bren! You’re just so lovable, aren’t you? First the daughter, now the mother, you have them all fooled.” He loomed over him, his breath far too close, his eyes dark as pitch. “But I can see right through you. You’re weak Bren, you don’t have the nerve to do what the Empire requires! You’re buckling under the pressure, I doubt you’ll make it trough the day. And when you brake, they’ll all finally realize who you really are, wimp. Ikithon, Astrid, they’ll all see!” He laughed, his hand squeezing the armrest like it was Caleb’s throat. “I hope I get to be the one who kills you. I want to see you burn, to hear you scream!” Caleb look deep into those dark eyes, trying to find the boy he had once called his best friend, the one who had taught him how to play hide and seek in the woods and how to skip stones in the lake. Somewhere along the way, Ikithon had destroyed him too, whoever this man was, he was not the boy Caleb had known. “The only thing I’ll feel sorry for is that you wont see me get everything I deserve, everything you’ve been taking from me!”

For a second he though Eodwulf was really going to reach for his neck and all he could do was stand still in panic. But then they heard a noise, the soft pitter-patter of bare feet running down the stairs, and the larger boy straightened up, his face going back to a mask of pleasantry.

Caleb looked up, his posture still uncomfortably stiff, ready for Eodwulf to turn around and strike, and saw Astrid’s younger sister skipping down the stairs.

“Bren!” Esther yelled, running to jump up on his lap and wrap her tiny arms around him. “Are you staying for dinner? Can we play afterwards? I’ve been practicing that cantrip you taught me! Look!” She closed her eyes very tightly, mumbling the incantation with a little bit of a lisp. After a second, a single sphere of light rose up from her tiny hands, illuminating the room.  

Caleb’s stomach twisted painfully. The six year old looked just like Astrid did at her age, vibrant and innocent and full of potential. He didn’t remember much of what had happened that faithful night, before his mind had chattered, but he didn’t know how he could have forgotten Esther dying. It was one thing to watch adults die but a child? Astrid couldn’t possibly want to kill her sister...

“ _ _Sehr gut__ , Esther!” Eodwulf said as Caleb stayed trapped in a horrified silence. “If you keep practicing you’ll be as good as us someday! Maybe you’ll get to go to the Academy too. Would you like that?”

The little girl looked up at Eodwulf skeptically, her button nose wrinkled up. “No, the Academy is stupid! If Astrid didn’t go to the Academy we could play all the time! I just want Bren to teach me magic. He’s the best, anyway.”

Eodwulf’s face turned splotchy and as red as a beet, making Caleb honestly afraid that he would hit a child. The three of them stood there, still for a tense moment, Esther looking defiantly at Eodwulf, unaware of the danger she was in, Eodwulf trying to control his temper and Caleb, slowly inching towards his component pouch.

Then Astrid returned, still all smiles, and the tension broke. “Dinner is ready, boys. Come to the kitchen.”

“ _ _Schwester__ , I don’t like your big friend.” Esther said, jumping down from Caleb’s lap. “You should just bring Bren next time.”

“Be nice, Esther.” She said, but Esther stuck her tongue out at Eodwulf and ran towards the kitchen. A brave, defiant little girl, even in the face of danger. Caleb couldn’t help but think of Jester, it was exactly what she would do. His heart ached for the two of them.

“What a brat.” Eodwulf muttered, teeth clenched. He turned towards Astrid, visibly trying to relax his face. “Did you do it?”

“ _ _Ja__ , it’s in the soup, so watch out for that. I used the entire bottle, just to be sure.” She took a small green glass vile out of her pocket and turned it upside down, making a single clear drop spill out, it hit the carpet with a hiss. Eodwulf smiled.

“Good, let us eat then!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I wanted to keep all of the parent killing in one chapter but it was too long and I've been trying to keep my chapters around the same lenght. I'll post the rest soon though!  
> BTW if you want to know who the girl behind the fic is, you can follow me on Instagram @jessifortune (there may or may not be some critical role cosplay in there...) xo


	5. Chapter 5

They all walked into the kitchen, Caleb’s feet propelled by the sheer fear of what might happen to Esther if she ate that soup.

  
His mind kept running trough horrifying scenarios, pictures of Astrid’s family’s dead bodies propped up on the table in a gruesome imitation of familial bliss, their bloated corpses smiling stiffly, their eyes clouded white. In some of those horrible images, Esther sat at the head of the table, her lips blackened by the poison, smiling with childish glee, while her dead eyes stared at him accusingly. In others she was safe in her sister’s arms, hiding her face from the offensive image of her dead parents, traumatized but safe. At this point, the second scenario was the best he could hope for.

  
The kitchen was small but well lit, one of its walls was composed of three large windows that let in the soft light of the setting sun. In the center of the room was a big dark wooden table, set for dinner, complete with fine china and a vase of fresh flowers.

  
“Sit boys, sit! Esther, go get your father.” Astrid’s mom said, while ladling soup into smaller bowls. Astrid, ever the perfect hostess, started distributing them throughout the table, one serving of poison per seat.

  
“Bren, sit.” She aggressively whispered in his hear when he didn’t move, pushing the chair at the foot of the table out for him and discretely shoving him down. “What’s wrong with you?”

  
“Esther...” Was all he could say, his pleading eyes looking up into hers.

  
She looked confused for a second, then it dawned on her. “Don’t worry, it’ll be quick. Don’t you dare ruin this for me, Bren...”

  
She left him at that, moving on with her serving duties. All Caleb could do was stare at the deceitfully pleasant smelling bowl of broth in front of him.

  
Following her mother’s instructions, little Esther started to run up the stairs, her pretty blue dress swirling around her bony knees as she jumped from step to step. Half-way up the stairwell, she turned around and yelled down to her sister.

  
“Astrid, save me a seat next to Bren, please!” Astrid didn’t answer but the corner of her mouth twitched, like holding her perfect smile was getting harder. Esther’s footsteps resumed. “Papa, dinner is ready! We have company!”

  
She returned soon after with her father, a middle aged man with flaxen hair, an imposing moustache and thick, rounded glasses. There was a softness to Astrid’s father that was not present in his older daughter but shinned trough in the younger one. Esther had her father’s sweet, genuine smile, his goofy sense of humour, his clumsy mannerism, Astrid had her mother’s confidence, her elegance, her no-nonsense attitude. Caleb had always appreciated those parts of Astrid, they were great assets for a member of the Academy, a soldier, an assassin. But after having lived an entirely new life, he couldn’t help but wish she had been a bit more like her sister.

  
“Oh, good evening boys! _Vergib mir_ for my delay, it’s a very busy time of year you know, that with the end of the harvest and all...”

  
“ _Schatz_ , you know the rules, no business talk at the table.” Astrid’s mother said, sitting down. Esther scurried up and hoisted herself onto the chair next to Caleb’s. “Sit before the soup gets cold.”

  
He quickly took a seat at the head of the table, between Astrid and his wife, who he smiled shyly at. “Of course, darling! Shall I commence our prayers tonight?”

  
Like many Empire families, Astrid’s was devout to the allowed Gods, but specially the Dawnfather, as he was responsible for the crops they bought and sold. One by one they joined hands and closed their eyes, Caleb taking Esther’s tiny palm into his. But before the young girl closed her lids, he turned to her and and mouthed the words “Don’t eat the soup”. She nodded, smiling mischievously, like it was their little game. He wished it was a game. He wished, he hoped and wished and did nothing. Gods, he felt so powerless!

  
“Thank you Dawnfather, for growing the crops which keep gold in our pockets and meals on our table.” Astrid’s father chanted, his voice low and reverent. After their exchange, Esther closed her eyes too, giving a piece of her tiny heart away in prayer to the God who’s gifts were being used as Astrid’s instrument of death. “Let this meal fuel us, so that we may worship you again, day after day, under your glorious sunlight.”

  
Caleb couldn’t allow himself to close his eyes, he needed to memorize this moment of normalcy, of family, of love. He couldn’t stop Astrid’s plan, not if he wanted to save his parents, but he could honor their memory by remembering them like this, happy and united and alive.

 

“To you we pray! Alright, let us eat!” He opened his eyes and eagerly ate a spoonfull of soup. Caleb held his breath. “This is delicious, _Liebling_. New recipe?”

  
“No, just those lovely carrots who brought home yesterday.” Astrid’s mother started to eat too, spoonfull by spoonfull, Caleb counted them all.

  
Astrid herself had taken to theatrically filling her spoon and taking it up to her mouth, only to spill the broth back into the bowl, her plastic smile still glued on. While Eodwulf had forgotten the soup altogether and was shoving pieces of bread into his mouth. Caleb looked worriedly at Esther but the young girl, true to their silent agreement, was not eating, playing instead with her spoon, moving the floating pieces of carrot in the bowl around like their were schools of fish.

  
“Well, whatever it is, it tastes-” Astrid’s father’s body started to convulse, shaking erratically against the wooden table, his limbs flailing around wildly.

  
“ _Liebe? Mein Gott,_ what is wrong?” Astrid’s mother screamed, grabbing his face between her hands to steady him. By this point his eyes had started to roll back in his head, only the whites showing and thick green foam was running down the corners of his mouth. “Astrid go get a healer! Go-” She too started to shake, falling over her husband’s twitching body.

  
“Don’t worry _Mama_ , that won’t be necessary. It’ll be over soon.” Astrid stopped her farce and just sat, staring at both of her parents as they died. Esther started to cry, sobbing hysterically, her eyes frantically looking between her parent’s body and her sister’s smiling face. Astrid’s attention snapped back to her. “Now Esther, be a good girl and eat your soup.”

  
“Astrid, don’t do this. She’s innocent, she doesn’t have to die!” Caleb pleaded, standing up from his chair.

  
“Children of traitor’s will grow to be traitor’s themselves. You know this Bren, it’s why we must do this, to prove ourselves.”

  
“Let her prove herself too, please Astrid! Take her to the Academy, let her become like us so she can atone for her parents’ sins.” He couldn’t think of a worst future for Esther, but at least she would have one. He would say anything to keep her alive.

  
Astrid thought about it, looking at her sister’s tear streaked face. “No. She’s too weak for the battlefield, this will be a mercy. Eat the soup, Esther.”

  
The little girl looked at Caleb, her eyes wide with fear, like he was her saviour, like he was her only hope. His hands twitched, he wanted to grab her and fight his way out of that house. But he couldn’t.

  
“Run.” He whispered.

  
She jumped down from the chair and ran as fast as her little legs could take her, crawling under the table and around the chair.

  
“Wulf, get her!” Astrid yelled, her smiling face cracking into an angry scowl.

  
Esther darted around the kitchen, making her way towards the living room, Eodwulf tried to block the doorway but she scurried around his legs. As she ran trough the living room though, Eodwulf’s much larger legs covered the distance between them before she could reach the front door and he scooped her up into his arms, kicking and screaming.

  
“Quiet, you brat!”

  
He dragged her back to the kitchen and sat her on a chair, pinning her down with his heavy hands on her bony shoulders. She screamed as loud as she could, yelling in both Common and Zemnian, her tears streaming like rivers. Before Caleb could plea one more time for her life, Astrid took her own bowl of soup and forced it down her sister’s throat, the liquid spilling down her chin and staining her pretty blue dress.

  
Caleb couldn’t look. He tucked his head between his knees and tried his best to block out Esther’s final screams before her body gave in to the convulsions. His mouth filled with bile and his eyes burned but no tears came. He could hear his own heartbeat, overwhelmingly loud in his ears, drowning out reality, drowning out death. It sounded like a choir, yelling at him in their melodic voices, screaming Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.

  
They continued screaming, even in the darkness of his closed eyelids when he passed out. Caleb was sure they would continue screaming forever.

 

*

  
He came to with searing pain coursing trough his face, his left cheek burning and stinging. He reluctantly opened his eyes, just the slightest bit, afraid that he would have to face Esther’s tiny corpse. Fortunately, Eodwulf and Astrid had dragged him out to the alley behind the house and dumped him on the dirt floor, propped against a wall. Astrid was crouching in front of him, her hand raise to strike again.

  
“I think he’s waking up.”

  
“Took him long enough.” Eodwulf was leaning against the opposite wall, his impressive height looming over them. “I told you we was too weak to go through with the plan, the wimp.”

  
“He just got overwhelmed, that’s it. My sister got to his head. But he’ll go through with it, you’ll see. Just wait until he wakes up.”

  
“We’re wasting time, just slap him again.”

  
She did, without hesitation, her arm going back to gain momentum and then swinging forward, her palm connecting with his cheek with a resounding crack. Eodwulf chuckled. Caleb’s eyes snapped open.

  
“Hey _Schatz_ , welcome back! You had me worried there, for a minute.” She lifted his chin with her hand and turned his head from side to side, inspecting him. “Feeling better?”  
“Esther...” Once again, it was all he could say, his throat felt like it was closing up. Astrid’s smiling face turned sour. Behind her, the streets were getting darker with the setting sun, Eodwulf conjured dancing lights, bright and beautiful in the midst of all that horror.

  
“She’s gone, don’t worry about it.” She got up, brushing the dirt from her robes and then grabbed him by the arm and unceremoniously yanked him to his feet. His legs were shaking and he thought he was going to collapse again but, after a few stumbling steps, they settled. “You have more important things to focus on right now. It’s your turn.”

  
“Astrid, I don’t...”

  
“No, I won’t hear it.” She shook her head vigorously, her short hair sticking up wildly, and grabbed his hand like she had done on the way to Eodwulf’s house. “Wulf did his part, I did mine, now you’ll do yours. Don’t ruin this for me Bren. Don’t ruin it for yourself. Remember Master Ikithon’s orders.”

  
She didn’t let him answer, he didn’t think he could have found the words to do it anyway. With her considerable strength, she started pulling him again, dragging him trough the town for the final stretch of their macabre tour. He stumbled trough the cobblestone streets and slipped in the dirt ones but he stayed on his two feet, pulled by Astrid ahead and pushed by Eodwulf behind him. The few people that saw them averted their gaze, most probably thought he was drunk but even the ones that didn’t wouldn’t dare interfere once they saw his companions’ Assembly robes.

  
As they gotten to the edge of town, where the streets gave place to the woods and Caleb’s home started to appear in the distance, he felt his body become more solid, fueled by conviction. No matter how much he had failed to save other innocent lives, this was the real reason why he had come back, to save his family, this was his time to act.

  
The stopped in front of the cottage and Caleb felt like sighing with relief. There was no light coming from the front windows and no smoke emanating from the chimney. They had listened to him, they were gone.

  
“Hey Astrid, I don’t think they’re home.” Eodwulf said, passing in front of the house. “Everything’s dark inside.”

  
“That doesn’t make any sense, they’re always home after sunset.” Astrid’s voice got high, manic. “No, they have to be in there.”

  
“Unless he tipped them off.” Eodwulf grabbed Caleb’s arm with his meaty hand, squeezing painfully. “Did you tell them we were coming?”

  
Caleb looked him straight in the eye and smiled, as widely and sharply as Astrid had all afternoon. “Now why would I ever do that?”

  
“Oh, you little...” He lifter his arm to punch him and Caleb braced for the impact. But before the hit landed, a single sound rang through the forest, making them all freeze. A meow. Just a single cat’s lament, coming from inside their house.

  
“It’s their stupid cat! They wouldn’t leave without it.” Astrid grinned like she had just won the lottery. “They’re home. They just probably went to bed early.”

  
Caleb felt cold sweat running down the back of his neck. Was she right? Were they still there? They wouldn’t leave without the cat but what if it was Frumpkin? He knew his familiar couldn’t die, he would just return to the Feywild from where he could be called back at any time. But that was in his original timeline, this was unknown territory. In his past, hadn’t gotten Frumpkin until he was an adult, if he died now, would he not be able to call him back for years? Everything was a big unknown and his feelings of helplessness started to creep back. He didn’t know much, but he was sure that whatever was in that house needed to be protected.

  
“Alright, it’s time. Make them burn, Bren.” She said.

  
“No.” He turned Astrid around so she could face him. “Listen to me, Astrid. Ikithon has been manipulating us this whole time. Our parents have never said anything against the Empire, they’re loyal, they would never do that. Ikithon’s altered our memories.”

  
“That’s ridiculous-”

  
“No, it isn’t. He wants to isolate us so our only allegiance is to him. He’s a terrible, terrible man, Astrid!”

  
“I told you he was going to lose it.” Eodwulf said, putting his hand on Astrid’s shoulder. “He’s not one of us, he’s not cut out to be an Empire soldier. He’s a traitor like his parents.”

  
“No! You’re just confused, Bren. That’s it, you’re just confused.” Astrid’s voice sounded panicked now, her eyes were starting to tear up at the corners. “I know this is very stressful and it can mess with your mind...but you just have to do this, okay? Just do this and everything will be better, like Master Ikithon said.” She grabbed both of his hands in hers and tried to smile but half of her face wouldn’t obey her. Caleb could physically see her rational side trying to fight against the effects of Ikithon’s magic and failing. “Please Bren, do this for me. For us.”

  
“I can’t, Astrid, I have to do what is right. I hope you realize what you’ve done someday. I hope you can forgive yourself.”

  
He pulled away and ran towards the house, his feet barely touching the ground as he sped towards the door and threw it open. Behind him, Astrid kept screaming his name, begging him to come back.

  
“Stop, Astrid, he’s not worth it. Let him burn with the rest of his traitorous family.” Caleb could hear Eodwulf say. He started rummaging trough the cabin, looking for his parents or any sign that they had packed their things and left. Nothing. Nothing. They were nowhere to be seen but everything was still in its usual place.

  
“Let me try one last time. Please Wulf, we know him, he’s not like this.” She walked up to the cottage’s door and yelled out to him. “Bren, this is your last chance! Come out or Eodwulf will burn you all. It doesn’t have to be like this. If you repent, Master Ikithon will forgive your momentary lapse of judgement. Please Schatz, make the right choice.”

  
“Fuck Ikithon and his forgiveness. Tell him I’ll see him in Hell.” He screamed from the inside.

  
Slowly, he heard her back away towards Eodwulf, her feet making the leaves beneath crunch with every step. He held his breath and in the absolute silence he heard her whisper “Light them up, Wulf.”

  
The next few seconds seemed to last an eternity. He was sure that his family was gone but he still couldn’t find the cat and he also needed a way to protect himself from the flames. He had an idea, it was insane and maybe illogical but it could work. His younger self, although possibly more magically powerful, had not learned the spell for Leomund’s Tiny Hut but his older mind knew it. He wasn’t at all sure about the laws of time, but he had to give it a try.

  
As the cabin started to fill with smoke, he closed his eyes and started to prepare the spell. It was hard at first, harder than it had ever been in his original timeline. His hands kept slipping into the wrong shapes, his words sounded sharper than they should. It was the habits of someone used to only using offensive magic. His mind was the one of an aged, weak wizard, but his body was that of a young soldier, a weapon.

  
The air got thick with gray smoke and Caleb’s eyes had started to sting by the time he finished the spell. The magical hut went up seamlessly, invisible to anyone but him. Breathing was still hard and the air was impossibly hot, but he felt relatively safe inside his magic bubble. His work done, he let himself go, dropping to the floor. It was over, they were safe. Soon enough, Astrid and Eodwulf would leave and tell Ikithon that he and his family were dead. It would all be over, they would be free.

  
He sat with his knees up to his chest and closed his eyes. Only then did the tears come. He cried for everything that had happened that day, he cried of relief for his parents, he cried in grief for Esther, he even cried for Astrid and Eodwulf, for the guilt they would one day feel if they managed to get away from Ikithon. Oh, how he hoped they would be able to break trough his mind control someday, no matter how long it took.

  
In the fog of his tears, he heard the meowing noise again. It was close and it sounded more desperate. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and walked through the flaming house, looking for the cat. He found him on top of a closet, surrounded by a burning inferno, his Frumpkin. Slowly, hesitantly, he walked trough the fire, seeing the flames part around his hut and grabbed his cat, letting him into the protective barrier.

  
He held him trough the night, sitting on the floor of his childhood bedroom. Frumpkin was his anchor, his warm, soft body kept him grounded as the hours passed, even when the tears returned, even when they dried up and he shook with dry sobs.

  
When the sun came out, Caleb saw it rise trough what had once been his roof. His house was nothing but ash and remnants of walls, his home was destroyed. Sure that his old friends were long gone, Caleb took down the hut and rose up. It took a while, but step by step, he made his way trough the woods and out of town, into a new dawn.

  
A couple of days later, he found his parents in the next town over. They had been hesitant until the last second but when one of their neighbors came over to tell them one of the village’s homes had burned down with a family trapped inside, they fled with nothing but the clothes on their backs. They decided to keep moving, to the edges of the Empire and beyond. They were dead to the world and, unless someone from the Academy found them, they would remain that way. Like before, Bren Ermendrud gave way to Caleb Widowgast. It felt right, like rebirth.

  
By their fifth day of travel, Caleb had to admit he had started to fall into a false sense of security. He was alive, his parents were safe, he had done his part and everything would be alright. But, of course, that was little more than a childish dream. As he laid down under a three to get a few hours of sleep before the next leg of their journey, a message rang trough his head.

  
“ _Hallo_ , Bren.” Astrid’s lilting voice said, making him jump up. “Everyone may think you’re dead but not me. You could never fool me. I’ll find you, traitor. No matter where, I’ll find you.”

  
Safety was an illusion, peace was a dream, their search for a new home would never end. Caleb woke his parents up and, fighting trough their exhaustion, the walked on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys, but it's the darkest chapter so far and the darkest it's gonna be for a while (I hope, I never really know where the story is gonna take me tbh). but it's also a little longer so I hope you like it!  
> I have good news and bad news... Good news: Jester will be back in the next chapter; Bad news: that means I'll have to do a massive time skip because of the ridiculous age gap between her and Caleb. At the time this chapter ends Caleb is canonically 17 and Jester is around 5 (I'm thinking she's about 21 in game)... and I'm not about to write that kind of love story... So look forward to a 12 year jump into the future/past!


	6. Chapter 6

Twelve long years passed. They became nomadic, traveling from place to place, staying in smaller villages and closer to the edge of the Empire, never lingering in one location for more than a few weeks. Sometimes they would travel together, taking back roads to isolated places but, most times, Caleb would give them a day of advance before starting his own journey. It was safer to be apart, a party of three drew more attention then just an elderly couple or a lone traveler. Plus, he was the one Astrid truly wanted, if he got caught, he would want his parents to be as far away as possible.

When they stayed in inns, Caleb made sure to get a room in a different establishment or sleep in the woods just outside of town, when they got a house, he would sneak in at night or stay hidden inside all day. No matter what, he made sure that he stayed unseen and that he got to spend as much time with his parents as possible, enjoying the moments with them he did not have in his previous life.

Every once in a while, his mother would ask him if he didn’t want more out of his life. His parents would never leave the Empire, it was their home, but she would ask him if he didn’t want to leave and settle down somewhere safer, where he could get a home of his own and a simple job, maybe start a family. Caleb would always tell her the he had all he could ask for, as long as they were safe and together, he was happy. And most times, that was the truth.

And than there were the days where his feelings threatened to overwhelm him. When all the magic and familial affection were not enough to distract his troubled mind and he felt like he would brake. Most times he would be filled with a restless impulse and would travel alone to one of the Empire’s biggest cities, closer to Rexxentrum. He would justify it by telling himself he needed to take the risk to get paper and ink and interesting books, but he really was just a masochist testing his luck. He knew Astrid was still looking for him, not only because it wasn’t in her nature to give up, but also because she kept sending him messages, even if he didn’t answer. Most times she would taunt him, calling him a traitor and a coward and suggesting locations where she thought he could be hiding. Sometimes she was angry and would scream about killing and torturing him, she would talk about Esther and blame him for her death. At times she would cry. Once, late at night, she told him that she missed him.

“I’m marrying Wulf tomorrow.” The low, mournful voice echoed trough Caleb’s head as he laid in bed. It had been six years since that fateful night, he was now twenty three. “It was supposed to be you... I miss you Bren... Come back, please, for me! Surrender and Master Ikithon will-”

The message cut off. He had awoken to the sound of her voice and, for a second, her tearful tone made him want to cry too, but the mention of Ikithon snapped him right back to reality. She had been the one once, when they were younger, when they were innocent. In another life he would be the one taking her as his wife. And, in yet another one, he would still be locked in an asylum with his mind in shatters. There was a reality out there where the two of them could have been happy, but any world where Ikithon existed made that impossible.

He didn’t answer and the days passed, long and silent, leaving him with a fake sense of safety. But eventually they came back, more angry than taunting now. With time, they became part of his routine, his moment of Astrid induced self flagellation.

On his worst days, though, Caleb would be filled with a longing that took his breath away. A longing not for the family he had saved, but for the one he had lost. He was particularly reckless in those moments, motivated not by reason but by desperation. He missed them like they were a part of his very soul, a missing limb, a lost piece of his heart.

Sometimes, he would ride to Felderwin to see Veth from afar, he would even visit the Apothecary, if he felt brave enough.

 If he was close to Rexxentrum, he would pass by the Cobalt Reserve and try to catch a glimpse of Beau. He never did, but just the fleeting vision of the monks’ bright blue robes brought him solace.

He learned to Scry so he could spy on Fjord’s pirating adventures and Yasha’s tribal hunts and Cadeceus playing with his siblings.

Once, he even tracked down the circus. But it was too early and they didn’t have any card readers yet, no purple tieflings dressed in moons and stars, no bloodhunters fresh from the grave. He still sat trough the show, it was wonderful, no one died, no one attacked and Caleb’s heart shattered again and again with every act, because it was different, because he was alone.

He watched over everyone, he watched them grow into the wonderfully flawed people he had come to meet. Except Jester. He never went to Nicodranas or scried on her, it would hurt too much. But he would see her in dreams, as she was when he left her, under the moonlight, by the window. Sometimes she would run to him and hug him like they hadn’t seen each other in years. Sometimes he would kiss her like he had wanted to. Most times she was crying, just like that night.

“Why are you upset? Was the barmaid flirting with Fjord again?” He would ask and wait for her to laugh like before, but she wouldn’t.

“You left, Caleb.” She would stare at him trough her tears, her purple eyes wide and red-rimmed. “You promised things would be better in the morning and then you left.”

He would try to reach for her hand but his finger would just pass trough her, like he was nothing more than air and moonlight.

“And now you’re not here. And maybe I won’t be here either. Because no one will be there to keep us safe when things get serious, no one who’ll be brave enough to use a wall of fire against Avantika, or to show the dodecahedron to the Bright Queen. Maybe I’ll die there, maybe I’ll die before. Maybe I’ll stay locked up in a cell, being tortured by Lorenzo and his slavers until my body gives in...”

“ _Nein_ , never Jester. I won’t let that happen, I’ll fix it, I’ll-”

“No, you won’t. You can’t save everyone Caleb, something has to be left behind. And, this time, you left me.”

The dream would always end there, the world fading around the edges until all he could see was her tear stained face, so close but so far away. If going to the circus shattered his heart, the dreams burned it to ashes.

 

*

Eventually, the passage of time and the miles on the road started to weigh heavily on his parents’ minds and bodies. When Caleb turned twenty seven, they celebrated their tenth year on the run by getting a small cottage in Feeldon, a village close to the border between the Empire and the Clovis Concord. It was supposed to be a temporary residence, their hideaway for a couple of weeks, but it ended up being his parents’ final destination.

They had been there for less then two days when his father fell ill. It started out like a common cold, a bone deep tiredness, muscle pain and heaviness of breath. But then the fever started and it would not break. They got a healer but there was very little he could do, his father had a severe lung infection and his heart was too weak to fight it. Caleb did what he could, he didn’t know healing magic but he tried to make him comfortable. He was gone by the end of the week.

They buried him in the backyard, by a large elm tree. After that, his mother refused to leave. She would not abandon her one true love, where he laid, she would lay too. She made the cottage her home, she started a small farm on the land around it and made friends with the people in the village. And every day, she would go up to his father’s grave at sun rise and sun set, to wish him a good morning and a good night. She made a life for herself. She was a survivor and, even heartbroken, she found a way to feel a little happiness every day.

All the while, Caleb hid inside. Sometimes he read and practiced magic, most times he just curled into a ball and stared at the walls until night came. At some point, his mother couldn’t stand it anymore.

“That’s it! I’m not going to stand here and watch you waste your youth away, _Liebling_.” She pulled him out of bed, her tone stern but loving, and started dragging him out of the house. His things were already packed and strapped to his horse, Frumpkin laying in the back of the saddle, stretched out in the sun. “You need to live! Go, see the world, meet people! Be careful but not too much son, there’s no point in running away if you’re going to be locked in a cage anyway.”

He didn’t have the heart to tell her that if they caught him, they would do much worse than just lock him up. He kissed her goodbye and did as she told, he travelled. He visited the Clovis Concord, skirting around Nicodranas, he visited Xhorhas but stayed far away from Rosohna. He met different people, he learned different things, but he never found a home, he always returned. On the anniversary of his father’s death he would visit his mother and talk about memories of his childhood, about her life in the countryside, about his travelling adventures. On the anniversary of the night where everything had changed, he did something stupider. He went to Rexxentrum.

The first year he did it, his mind was in a frenzy, full of ridiculous plots to sneak into the Academy and assassinate Ikithon. He ended up hiding in an alley with a bottle of Dwarven wine, watching the guards go by as he drank, looking for a way in, until exhaustion and the alcohol took over and he fell asleep on the dirty floor. When he woke up, hungover and covered in mud, he swore he would do it the next year.

But, a year after that, on the twelfth anniversary of their escape, there he was, in Rexxentrum, frozen with fear. Putting his hood up, he walked around the busy city streets, sneakily assessing the Academy from every angle. He knew from experience that it was an almost impenetrable fortress, guarded by the best guards because of the magical wonders kept inside. They would never let someone like him in and he would never be able to sneak by them. There were only two miracles that could get him to his goal: he could either wait for a student to leave, steal their robes and pray that the guards didn’t ask him any questions; or he could hope that Ikithon left the Academy, something he rarely did, so he could kill him outside.

But he couldn’t do any of that if he didn’t calm his nerves.

Steadying his resolve, he dragged his body into the nearest tavern, a run down place that stank of mould and spilled drinks, full of rowdy, unsavoury types. A perfect place to hide in the crowd. _Just one drink,_ he told himself, _a strong one to calm down and then I’ll go._

But one drink turned to two and two turned to three. Soon enough he was too drunk to even stand, let alone go through with an assassination ploy. There was always next year...

Giving up, he let himself sink into the darkest parts of his drunken stupor. If he had taken his time, sipping his drinks, he could have enjoyed a few moments of alcohol induced inhibition, that light, in between state where you feel happy and brave. Maybe he could have talked to the bartender, maybe he could have laughed, maybe he could have even killed Ikithon. But instead he had downed his tankard in a rush, trying to find calm in the bottom of the cup, so his brain had jumped right through the good part and into the pit of sadness and despair that laid at the end of all his drunken nights.

 He closed his eyes and laid his head on the counter, ignoring the fact that his now long hair was probably soaking up all the grime and spilled ale left on it. He had dreamth of Jester again that night, beautiful, sad Jester in her floral nightgown. It was getting harder and harder not to think about her as time passed, as they got closer to the time they were meant to meet, in Trostenwald. When he woke up in a panicked sweat from one of his Jester dreams, he would think about going to Trostenwald like before, about rejoining them. But he knew he wouldn’t, things were different in this world, this Caleb didn’t belong with them. But in times like these, where his mind was too clouded by alcohol and grief, he couldn’t help but think about that other life.

He hit his forehead gently against the wooden bar, and then again a little harder, trying to beat the thoughts out of his head.

“Wow there! You alright, man?” A raspy female voice said as the person took a seat next to him.

He raised his head slowly, only to see a familiar face. A young Beau was staring at him with an amused smile, one of her eyes rimmed in purple and almost swollen shut.

“ _Ja,_  sure... I’m great.” He mumbled, his tongue felt thick in his mouth.

“Suit yourself, dude.” She signalled the bartender and asked for ale. “You just look a little...”

“Miserable? Broken? Drunk?”

“All the above, actually.” She laughed, pushing a lock of hair out of her face with an annoyed flick of her wrist. She still hadn’t shaved it and it hung long and dark in a messy braid, making her look even younger than she was. “I’m Beau, by the way.”

She extended her hand and Caleb shook it. “Caleb. Widowgast.”

“So why are you so down, Caleb Widowgast? Girl problems?”

“ _Ja_... that’s part of it.” He grabbed his tankard, surprised that there was still some ale at the bottom. He sipped it with less enthusiasm, the drink was warm now but he didn’t really care, he wasn’t drinking it for the taste.

“Ah, I’ve been there.” She gave him one of her sharp smiles and he felt a pang of nostalgic affection. “She hot?”

“Oh yeah... Tiefling, stunning blue skin, very curvy...” It was the first time he got to voice his attraction towards Jester out loud and it felt oddly liberating.

“Damn... very hot then.” Beau took a big sip of her drink and Caleb laughed. Deep down, he always knew Beau had a little crush on Jester. It was just one of the many things they had in common. “Did she brake your heart?”

“ _Nein._ ” He shook his head and the movement made him sick. For a second he was pretty sure he was going to throw up. “She doesn’t even know I exist.” A stunningly accurate statement.

“Ah man, you should go talk to her! If you don’t tell her how you feel, then you’ll never have a shot!” She punched him lightly on the shoulder.

“I-I don’t think I’d have a shot anyway.” He hiccupped. At some point, the room had started to spin and he was just now noticing. “I’m not really her type...”

“You’d be surprised by how many times I thought that and was proven __very__ wrong. Hell, most times I think I’m not even their preferred gender and yet... there we are.” She got a far off look in her eyes that made him think that she was remembering a very specific past situation.

“She’s also pretty far away...”

“Okay, so no booty call. But you can still like send her a letter. Or make the trip to see her, that shit’s pretty romantic.” A pretty human girl with curly blonde hair walked into the tavern and Beau jumped out of her seat. “Well, that’s my date. But think about what I said, it usually works. Good luck, Widowgast!”

Caleb watched her strut with cat-like grace to the girl and put a possessive arm over her shoulders. She whispered something in the blonde’s ear and the girl blushed a deep pink. Soon after, they were walking out.

Caleb ordered another drink, which was a bad idea, but he was also considering following Beau’s advice which, even in his drunken state, he knew was a terrible idea. But maybe, just maybe, if he got to talk to Jester once, if he got to hear her voice and it was happy and sweet, his dark dreams would stop.

At some point in this new life, he had taken the time to learn the Sending spell and now he finally had a reason to use it. He mulled over what he should say, he wanted it to be heartfelt and eloquent, he wanted to let her know someone out there cared about her. But as he readied the spell, focusing on his memories of her, all his prepared sentences vanished from his mind until all that was left was a drunken mess of disjointed thoughts.

“ _Liebling_...” He slurred, fully aware that he wasn’t in control of his mouth. “Remember that time I faked a heart attack and you gave me mouth to mouth? I think about that all the time... Do you-”

The message cut off and he tried replaying what he had said in his head. It took a while for him to understand his own words but when he did, the shock was enough to sober him up. What the hell had he said? That time... oh no... Why? Why had he said that? Of course she didn’t remember it, it hadn’t happened yet! He doubted that even the Jester from his original timeline remembered it. It had just been a joke, not a big deal. At least for her, it had meant a lot more for him. And yes he did think about it all the time. The weight of her body over his, the feel of her lips on his...

His only solace was that he highly doubted that she would answer. This Jester was young, she probably didn’t even know how the Sending spell worked, plus she didn’t know who was messaging her. Some of his desperation started to fade. As the minutes passed, he began to breath more easily again. She wasn’t going to answer, they weren’t going to talk, things would just go back to normal. And that was fine. Despite the small pit of disappointment opening up in his chest, he would be just fine...

And then he heard her voice in his head, small and rough with sleep but so undoubtedly hers.

“Hmm... Think you have the wrong person. Unless you’re the Traveler playing a prank... I’m not _Libwhateveryousaid_  but I’m here if you wanna talk about-”

Her words faded away as she reached the spell limit and Caleb knew he was in trouble. He knew he wasn’t strong enough to not message her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo I never knew how hard keeping messages under 25 words was until writing this. No wonder Laura always messes it up XD may have to cheat a little on that later on... don't kill me for it x.x


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaack! Sorry i've been MIA for like a month, but I promisse I haven't given up on this fic! I'll try to post the next chapter a lil faster than this one, no promisses though, beacuse life gets in the way sometimes :p  
> Also, this chapter is mostly Jester's POV, let me know if you like the two POVs or if I should just stick to Caleb's.

For the next five days, Caleb forced himself to play a game of self-control. He told himself that he could message her once he left Rexxentrum and then that he would do it when he reached Zadash. He kept postponing it, convincing himself that he had to think things over some more before sending anything after the disaster that was their last communication.

 But whenever he stopped for the night and tried to get some sleep, her words always echoed trough his head. __I’m here if you wanna talk.__ So simple, so Jester. Wanting to talk to a stranger, to help a random drunken idiot... He wandered if she felt lonely, locked in her room like a fairytale princess, he wandered if she needed his company as much as he needed hers...

Which, of course, was just self-indulgent of him. She didn’t need him, she had a perfectly good home and a loving mother, she was just fine before he came around. The best thing he could do for her was never speak to her again, keep her away from him and the terrible people hunting him down.

He had almost convinced himself of this when her message came. He was on horseback and almost fell off when her words echoed trough his head.

“Heyyyy you! I was waiting for you to message me back but you didn’t...rude! So I had to ask the Traveler for this spell-”

She reached the words limit and the spell cut her off. Just like his Jester, this younger one was incapable of keeping her messages short and to the point. Caleb would have laughed if he wasn’t so shocked.

She had messaged him. She had messaged _him _.__ More importantly, she had gone trough the trouble of asking her God for a spell just so she could message him!

He wanted to answer immediately but he didn’t know what to say. _Sorry I didn’t answer, sorry I messaged you a cryptic memory of something that hasn’t yet happened? I’m an idiot, forgive me?_ Yeah, that one sounded about right...

 

*

 

It wasn’t unusual for Jester to be awoken by strangers’ voices. There were strangers inside her mother’s room at all times. Merchants and lords, pirates and thieves, they could all be pretty loud. But this time, the strange voice that rose her out of her dreamless slumber didn’t come from outside the thick wall that hid her secret room but from inside her own head.

At first she thought it was the Traveler, playing one of his pranks. The stranger didn’t sound like the Traveler, but she wouldn’t put it pass her God to use a fake voice. But if this was a prank, she really wasn’t getting it.

“ _Liebling_...” The voice had called her in a foreign accent that was incredibly sexy. “Remember that time I faked a heart attack and you gave me mouth to mouth? I think about that all the time... Do you-”

If it was a secret code, she couldn’t decipher it. Heart attack? That was never a prank she and the Traveler had talked about. And what had he said in the beginning? Lieb... what?

She mulled it over in her head for a while, replaying the words in her mind until the accent started to meld into something more akin to her own. That’s when she realized something else about the voice, the slow, mumbled cadence in the words she had heard in many of the Lavish Chateau’s patrons. Whoever this messenger was, he was very, very drunk.

And that meant that it was definitely, probably, most likely, not the Traveler. Because Gods didn’t get drunk, right? Which meant she had been messaged by a mysterious stranger, just like one of the girls in her books! Crossed messages, an encounter of the fates, oh it was so romantic!

Except... he had intended to message someone else, right? This Lieb-something person. What if she had just gotten in the way of someone else’s love story? That was far less romantic...

“Hmm...” She started hesitantly. If this person had really messaged her by mistake, they needed to know. She couldn’t bare the thought of him thinking his loved one was ignoring him. “Think you have the wrong person. Unless you’re the Traveler playing a prank...” She added, just in case she was wrong and it really was him. “I’m not _Libwhateveryousaid_  but I’m here if you wanna talk about-”

The spell cut her off, disappearing like a pressure lifting off her shoulders even though she wasn’t done talking. There was so much more she wanted to say and ask. She wanted to know everything about this stranger and his message and the person he had wanted to message originally. If she hadn’t been cut off, Jester could have talked forever.

But it was done now and there was nothing she could do but wait until the stranger messaged back. She laid back down, getting ready to go back to sleep, half hoping that he would answer right away. But it was pretty late and her secret sender was considerably drunk so she wasn’t that disappointed when he didn’t say anything.  She could wait until the morning. Until then, she would close her eyes and dream of a cloaked stranger, whispering sweet nothings to her in the dark.

But when morning came and went and the sun started to set again without any answers, Jester became antsy. What if, after learning that she was the wrong girl, he had decided to not message her again? Honestly he didn’t owe her anything, honestly. But she was just so curious! What if she was missing out on the love of her life? Or on one of the greatest unwritten love stories of all time! She needed to know more. And, to be totally, completely honest, she also wanted to hear that sexy accent again.

So, when her bed time came and her Mama disappeared into one of the other rooms with a client, she called on the Traveler.

“Traveler, are you there? I need a tinsy winsy favour...” She said, grasping his symbol in her small fist. There was only silence and the sound of crashing waves in the distance. “Pleaaaaase, pretty please! It’s really important!”

Two bright green eyes blinked into existence in the dark, followed by a large floating smile.

“What do you need, child?” His smooth voice echoed trough her room, pleasantly familiar but so very different from the stranger’s.

“Hey Traveler! So I got a message from a stranger and at first I thought it was you but now I know it wasn’t you and I was waiting for him to message me back and then he didn’t and...”

“Breath, little one” He laughed. “Do you want me to play a prank on this mysterious sender for ignoring you?”

“Well... technically no, technically. But I do want to learn a spell so I can message him.”

The Traveler’s floating features frowned. “That doesn’t sound very fun, child.”

“Pleaaaaaase! I reeeeeaally need it! I’ll do anything!”

The Traveler smiled again. “Anything? Now that does allow for some fun possibilities... I want you to come up with a prank, something big...”

“Sure! I’ll totally do that. Teach me the spell!”

“Not yet, eager one. Come up with a plan for our big prank, then you’ll learn.”

Like fog, he faded into the wall, leaving Jester alone and unfulfilled.

For three days, Jester racked her brain for prank ideas, nothing seemed good enough, big enough. A couple of times, she got impatient and tried to call her God to give him some sub-par idea, but he would not come. Finally, four days after the stranger had messaged her, four days of her secretly waiting for him to message again and getting disappointed, she came up with an idea.

 “Hey Traaaaveleeeeeer!” She yelled in the emptiness of her room, swinging her holy symbol around on its chain. “What if I drew dicks all over some other God’s temple? Will that do?”

A familiar, fully formed hooded figure appeared at the end of her bed. “Go on, child. I’m listening.”

Jester smiled widely, like a cat. “I’m going to sneak into one of the other Gods’ temples around town, leave some pamphlets talking about how cool you are and then draw dicks all over their statues!”

The Traveler chuckled deeply. “That sounds excellent, little one. You truly have a gift for mischief.” His hand ruffled her hair and, even though he wasn’t truly there, she felt his caress. “Alright, sit down and listen closely. This is important magic, child.”

Jester sat with her God for hours, taking in every single one of his words, absorbing his precious knowledge and power, even sending practice messages to Blude and some of the other Chateau employees. By the time the sun started to rise, the Traveler had left but Jester stayed up, thinking about what she was going to message her mysterious stranger in the morning.

Eventually, she must have passed out because when she awoke again, the midday sun was shinning brightly trough her window. Rubbing her eyes in a half panicked state, she rashly decided to send her message right away, not waiting to even get dressed or brush her hair first.

“Heyyyy you! I was waiting for you to message me back but you didn’t...rude! So I had to ask the Traveler for this spell-”

The magic dissipated and Jester just stood there for a minute, rethinking her words in her still half-awake state... Before she jumped back in bed, buried her head in her pillow and screamed. How could she have been so dumb? After all the planning and the thinking she ended up not really saying anything! She didn’t even ask him his name! And she called him rude! He technically was, technically... but that wasn’t the point! What if he felt insulted and didn’t answer back? She’d truly mess up...again.

She screamed one more time, biting down on her plush goose feather pillow, kicking her feet against the mattress. Should she message him again? Should she apologize? Or would that make her sound desperate? Gods, things were never this complicated in her books!

That’s when his reply came.

“I-I’m sorry...” He started, hesitantly. Jester sat up in bed, hugging her pillow against her chest. His accented voice was as distinct as she remembered it, deliciously thick and warm, it reminded her of the princes from foreign kingdoms in the fairytales her Mama used to read to her. “For not replying and drunk messaging you... It was a mistake... but I’m really glad I did it. I’m Caleb, by the way.”

 She messaged him back immediately, all pretenses of being cool and aloof forgotten. She gave him her name, they talked about where they were from, she even told him who the Traveler was and, to her surprise, he seemed to understand.

 Jester had very few friends, none really if you didn’t count the people that worked for her Mama, but she knew her connection to this stranger, to Caleb, was something truly special. The way he listened to her stories like they were the most interesting thing in the world, the way his voice filled with warmth and laughter when she joked or flirted playfully, the way he seemed to understand her completely, almost like he had known her for years, it was not just any run of the mill friendship, it was magical. It was better than any romance book, he was better than any fictional hero, because he was real and he was hers.

For weeks kept him like a secret, always on her mind, but never shared with anyone, not even her Mama. They would talk all day, exchanging messages until both of their spells were used up and they felt exhausted. At least until she convinced the Traveler to teach her a more powerful messaging spell, one that allowed them to exchange unlimited messages of any size.

It was perfect, except that when Jester’s mind wandered and she reached for her paints, as she so often did, she realized she still didn’t really know Caleb, she couldn’t even tell what he looked like...

“Caleb...” She finally said one afternoon, biting down on the tip of one of her paint brushes. “I was wondering... What do you look like?”

“Oh...” He sounded surprised and also a little tired. Jester wandered if he was on the road, he had told her once that he traveled a lot and it had filled her mind with dreams of discovering exotic places by his side. “I don’t- I don’t really know how to describe myself... How do you imagine me to look?”

“It changes every time. You’re a very mysterious man, Cayleb Widogast.” She grabbed the green, ready to pain a background for his future portrait. Then she changed her mind and got the orange and the yellow instead, it just seamed more fitting. “But I do know you’re handsome.”

“That’s flattering but no...I don’t think I am handsome. I’m not manly and muscled like the men in the covers of your storybooks, I’m just a lanky human who’s awkward and...bookish.”

“A bookish wizard sounds very handsome to me!” She began painting her canvas, intending on doing a lovely sunset behind her handsome wizard. The paints started to meld more into what looked like flames, but she didn’t mind, that looked good too. “What color are your eyes?”

“Blue. Pale blue. I guess they’re nice, I’ve been told so a couple of times. But yours are so much lovelier... I assume.”

She put her brush down and immediately started roaming trough her paints for the perfect shade of blue. In her mind, she could see two stunning eyes staring back at her from the canvas, floating in nothingness like the Traveler’s. “How do you imagine _me_?”

She heard him take a deep breath as he gathered his thoughts, almost like he was remembering instead of imagining her. “I know you’re beautiful. I don’t need to see you to know that. And I think you have skin like the early evening sky, just before darkness takes over. And that your eyes are like pieces of precious purple amethyst. And that you have the most perfect smile, warm and dimpled and contagious...”

 She stopped painting, her brush hanging in midair as she lost herself in his beautiful words. She had always wished someone would talk about her like that, like people did about her Mama, like she was something otherworldly and precious and loved. It had always seemed like a silly, childish wish. She knew she wasn’t an extraordinary beauty like the Ruby of the Sea, she was not elegant or graceful or _sensual_ , she was just the Little Sapphire. And that was enough. At least until Caleb said it and made her want it all over again.

Except he had never actually seen her and, although his description was stunningly accurate, she was suddenly afraid that she would not live up to his expectations. “How do you know all of that? All I told you about me is that I’m a tiefling... Have you been spying on me, Cay-leb?” She joked.

“I would never. I guess I just have a very vivid imagination.”

“What... What if I’m not as pretty in person as you imagine? What if we finally meet and you’re disappointed?”

“You could never disappoint me, Jester Lavorre.” He whispered inside her head, his voice so honest and sweet, that Jester couldn’t help but believe him.

She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she could hold him. Was it silly to want to hold someone you’ve never seen? Was it ridiculous to have a crush on someone you’ve never met? Because Jester was feeling pretty ridiculous, but in the best way. “What if I’ve been lying to you this entire time and I’m actually a firbolg with pink hair? Or a goblin with wayyyyy too many teeth?”

He laughed and it filled her with joy. “You’d still be the most adorable goblin, I’m sure. But, as far as you know, I could also be a hideous hobgoblin.”

“Cayleb Widogast, the blue eyed hobgoblin! I’m sorry but that still sounds pretty handsome to me. I guess we just have to meet in person to find out.”

“I would like that. Maybe one day?”

“Maybe one day.” She said, putting all her painting supplies away. There was no pointing in painting him now, before they met. Any version her head could come up with was sure to pale in comparison to the real Caleb.

She send him a goodnight message and got ready for sleep, her head filled with dreams of what that “one day” would be like. Were she less distracted, she would have heard the sound of crashing waves in the background of his reply. Were she less distracted, she would have known Caleb had already arrived to Nicodranas.


	8. Chapter 8

Caleb didn’t know when he had decided to go to Nicodranas. One moment he was making his way further north, and the next he had turned his horse around and was galloping towards the Menagerie Coast like his life depended on it.

For years he had avoided Nicodranas, had refused to let himself see the girl that made his heart beat faster, but all it had taken was a couple of friendly conversations for him to throw all his self-control away and run to her.

But __mein Gott,__  she sounded just like the Jester from his timeline! The way she said his name made him weak, the way she laughed and _flirted... flirted with him!_ His Jester had acted flirty around him a couple of times, it was just the way Jester was, she did it well and she did it often. But the way this Jester flirted was different, less teasing, more shy and heartfelt. Like future Jester did with Fjord. Like she meant it.

Except he wasn’t Fjord, of course. He wasn’t charismatic or good looking or recklessly adventurous. He just wasn’t her type. And although she could never disappoint him, he could bet she would be let down when she realized her mystery man was just a skinny ginger... Which made this whole idea of going to see her sound even more disastrous than it already was!

A couple of times, he almost made himself turn back around. They could just keep talking from afar until she realized what a mess he was and lost interest, like he knew she would... It would be less painful if he didn’t have to look her in the eye when she rejected him. But, then again, he’d always been a sucker for pain.

He spent a few days in Felderwin, stalling. But also checking in on Veth and Yeza, making sure the anti-goblin wards he had set up in the woods still held, putting some new, stronger protection spells in place. He knew it would still be a while before the goblins attacked the small farming community, but he couldn’t take any risks. Not with Veth. Not if there was a chance that he could be found by Ikithon and not be present to protect her and her family when the time came. But they were fine. Luc had just been born and they couldn’t be happier. It filled him with joy to see his best friend living the life she deserved, but it also hurt to witness it from the sidelines, to look but never touch. Eventually, he continued his journey.

One night, when he was approaching Alfield, he received a message from a far less welcome sender: Astrid.

“You were spotted in Rexxentrum, Bren. Are you getting sloppy? Do you think I’ve given up?” She laughed inside his mind, the sound shrill and devout of any real joy. “Never. I’m coming for you, _Schatz _.__ See you soon.”

He didn’t answer, he never did. But he almost felt like thanking her, after all, Astrid’s message was a blessing in disguise. Now he knew they were looking for him around the capital, so he had to stay as far away as possible. And there was nowhere safer than outside the borders of the Empire, where the Cerberus Assembly wasn’t untouchable. A place like... the Menagerie Coast? He made up his mind, that was the last time he thought about turning around.  

He arrived in Nicodranas less than a week later and got a room at a cozy little inn in the center of the city. He didn’t stay at the Chateau, it was way above his means, plus it just felt wrong, being under Jester’s roof without letting her know. And he wasn’t ready to let her know yet.

He did, however, keep his eye on the luxurious building, trying to catch a glimpse of any blue tieflings in the windows. Eventually, he found a back road that lead to a small garden area, just behind the Chateau. He supposed it was someone’s private garden but he never saw anybody tending to it, so he took to spending his days there, reading in a small wooden bench under an old oak. It was a lovely location, quiet, peaceful, but the biggest perk of the garden was that, if he looked up over the overgrown bushes, he could see Jester’s balcony.

It was a bit creepy, he supposed, but it wasn’t like he was was stalking her... He wasn’t just any weirdo spying on her... He was weirdo from the future who was madly in love with her and was too awkward to tell her he was in town so he was waiting for her to go out so they could meet _organically_... yeah, it sounded less creepy when he didn’t say it out loud.

But the biggest problem was that Jester never seemed to leave the Chateau, which left him with a couple of afternoons of just sitting around, seeing her paint by the window, messaging her behind the bushes, dying to tell her to just look down but being too much of a coward to do it.

Until, one evening, he saw her tie a long white sheet around the balcony’s railing and climbed her way down, her strong arms making the descent look almost effortless. Jumping the small distance the sheets couldn’t reach, she landed on the stone paved street and put the hood of her green cape up before starting to weave her way into the crowded streets of Nicodranas. His heart in his throat, Caleb decided to follow her, trying hard not to lose sight of her green covered head in the crowd but also keeping his distance, despise how much faster his long legs made him. To his surprise, she entered the Moonweaver’s temple.

He waited a few minutes across the road, keeping an eye on the door to see if she would leave but, when she didn’t, he made his way in. There was a ceremony going on, a daily communal prayer to the Moon Goddess, and a surprising number of people were inside, sitting silently and listening to the priestess, chanting along at times. Jester had taken a seat close to the front and Caleb looked for a spot in the row of pews behind her. She had taken her hood down and her head was bowed respectfully, as if in prayer. To anybody else, she seemed like the perfect picture of a devout follower of Sehanine, but Caleb knew better. There was only one God Jester would ever pray to, and this wasn’t his temple.

From behind, he saw her reach inside a leather pouch and take out a small carving knife. During the entirety of the rest of the Moonweaver’s mass, Jester carved the wooden pew, stopping when the room was silent but doubling her efforts whenever the chanting got louder or people sang songs of praise. Caleb would look over her shoulder from time to time and admire her work, holding back laughter behind his thick woolen scarf. Dicks. Jester had carved out a sea of dicks of every size and shape. If they had more time, he didn’t doubt she would paint them in every color too, but the ceremony ended before she could get to that.

Jester got up, her knife disappearing into her bag again. But, unlike everyone else, she didn’t walk towards the door, sneakily passing by the other parishioners and making her way into a hallway to the side, that went deeper into the temple. Once again, Caleb followed, just a couple of steps behind.

The hallway was dark, illuminated only by clusters of white candles that burned inside recess in the walls, their dripping wax making odd root-like paths down towards the floor. He made his way carefully, trying to avoid the pools of wax in his way, his soft leather booths not making any sound on the polished stone floor. The hallway split at the end, leading to two different doorways that were separated by a large statue of the Moonweaver in a dark marble.

Jester was in front of the statue, her tail waving in the air as she painted the stone. There was already a dick in the statue’s cheek, another one being finished on her hand. The statue’s base said “The Traveler was here” in lime green.

“What are you doing?” He said before he had time to even think if he should. Before he could decide if he wanted to let her know it was him or if he wanted to disguise his accent. His heart made the decision before his brain could catch up. It was probably for the best, he sucked at accents anyway.

She turned around, brush hanging in the air, eyes wide as a frightened doe’s. But then she took in the sight of him, noticing his lack of priestly robes and his amused expression and she smiled mischievously.

“Shhhh” Jester whispered, putting her index finger over her smiling blue lips. “I’m almost done.”

She didn’t wait for him to answer. She wordlessly turned around and continued painting, adding more and more inappropriate details until the sound of heavy footsteps echoed down the hall. With a final stroke of paint, she finished her work and tucked her materials inside her bag. Then she faced him again and reached for his hand.

“We need to go. Now.” Caleb stared at her hand, dumbfounded, as she grabbed his, entwining their fingers , her skin cool against his sweaty palm. She started pulling him back into the hallway, before she abruptly stopped and reached for her bag again. “Oh, I almost forgot the best part!”

She took out a messy bundle of paper, handmade pamphlets Caleb could tell, carelessly folded but intricately decorated, and threw them in the air, making them fly around them like Autumn leaves in the wind as they started to walk again. Caleb looked down as they fell and saw a drawing of a cloaked figure with the words “Have you heard of the Traveler? He’s pretty cool!” written under it.

The footsteps sounded closer and closer and, as they entered the hallway from the statue chamber, they could see the temple’s priestess walking towards them, carrying a lit incense holder that filled the hall with the smell of woodsy greenary and exotic spices. Jester gripped his hand harder and started to run, pulling him with an amount of strength that would be surprising, had Caleb not seen her in battle before. They sped by the priestess, leaving her staring after them, looking both surprised and mildly terrified.

Although no one followed them, Jester didn’t stop running until they were back in the backstreet under her balcony. Only then did she let go of his hand and lean against the wall, bent over with her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath trough a fit of laughter.

“That was... awesome!” She said, more to herself than him. Then she looked up to the sky and yelled. “I hope you’re happy!” Caleb didn’t need to ask, he knew this kind of prank could only be the Traveler’s doing. After searching the sky for an invisible sign from her God, she finally looked at him. “Oh yeah, you... look, this? This never happened! I was never at the temple, got it?” She waved her hands in front of her face, as if casting an imaginary suggestion spell.

“Sure. But I don’t think the Moonweaver will be very happy with your artwork.” He said, trying to sound stern but not being able to stop the smile that lit up his face as he stared at her flushed face and messy hair. It was much longer than he had ever seen it, falling in unruly navy waves over her shoulders. It made her look younger, but then again, she really was younger than he remembered.

“She’s the Goddess of love and, like, late night affairs so...” She wiggled her eyebrows at him, eliciting an involuntary guffaw of laughter. “I doubt she’ll be offended by some dicks.” She stared at him as he laughed, her mischievous smile turning into a serious look of curiosity. “Waiiit, do I know you? Have I seen you before?”  

“Maybe...” Caleb said hesitantly, a part of him wished she would have recognized him immediately, but why would she? This Jester had never seen him before, all she had to go on was his voice and, to be honest, most people from his part of the empire sounded just like him. Plus, as far as she knew, he was not in Nicodranas...

She started to walk around him, inspecting him up and down, taking in his facial features, his tall, lanky frame and his unsuitably warm clothing. “Hmmm... I don’t think so... I wouldn’t forget someone so good looking. But your accent is reeeaally familiar.”

Caleb blushed furiously. She really thought he was good looking? Had she always thought that? Even back in his original timeline, when he was stinky and gross? She had never indicated anything of the sort... but, then again, neither had he and he was pretty sure she was the most stunning being he had ever seen. “Maybe you haven’t seen me, but you’ve heard me before...”

She stopped her pacing and just looked him in the eye for one long tense minute.

“Cayleb?” She whispered, uncertain, her head cocked to the side adorably. Caleb just nodded.

Without warning, Jester jumped up on him, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him with so much strength she almost threw them both down. Caleb was too stunned to answer right away but, as he started to wrap his arms around her, she jumped down.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to Nicodranas?” She punched his arm with what was intended to be a playful amount of force, but Caleb winced, grabbing his arm, visibly in pain. “Oh Gods... Oh no, I’m sorry! I didn’t think that would hurt...”

“It’s alright. I told you I’m very weak and-”

“But I’m also kinda, sorta, not sorry...” She interrupted him. “BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE COMING!” She yelled with feigned anger. But she also grabbed him by the waist in another tight hug, burring her face in his chest. “We could have made plans and I could have shown you all the cool places in town. But instead we met in a stupid temple and that’s not very romantic...”

He hugged her back, putting one arm around her shoulders, letting his other hand trail over her silky hair. It was so incredibly soft, he wondered how he had stopped himself from doing it for so long. “Did you want our first meeting to be romantic, Blueberry?”

Now she was the one blushing. “Yeah, I mean... maybe? Unless I totally misread the situation and this is just a friendly thing... which would totally be okay-”

He stopped her with a kiss on the forehead. She smelled like cinnamon and fresh vanilla bean, just like he remembered. “No, you were right. But I’ll make it up to you. I promise I’m not leaving Nicodranas until I do.”

“I may never let you leave. ” She whispered against the thick fabric of his jacket, hugging him tighter.

“I’m prepared to deal with those consequences. It’s only fair.” He said with fake seriousness.

She nodded, looking very serious as well. “That’s true. You need to take responsibility for your actions, Cayleb. Oh, and you also lied to me about being a hobgoblin! You need to make up for that as well.”

He chuckled. “Are you terribly disappointed?”

“If it’ll get you to stay longer, yes, I’m heart-broken.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back?! I didn't inted for this to become a monthly fic but I guess it's turning into that huh? Never think I've given up on this story, though, I would never just drop it without letting you know. So this time you're getting a long fluffy chapter. i'm sorry if the end is a little abrupt, I had more planned but it got too long.

They made plans to meet the next morning, so Jester could show him around Nicodranas. And then he left. He hugged her back one last time and just walked away.

Jester felt like something inside her was breaking, being torn apart between the immense joy of a moment and the pain of the next. She felt like if she left him round the corner and disappear from her sight, that the dream would end and she would wake up with her face smashed against her pillow, alone once again.

For a second, she felt like running after him and holding on to his leg so he wouldn’t leave, like she used to do with her Mama when she was younger. But she wasn’t a child anymore, she was a grown woman (give or take a couple of days) and she wanted Caleb to see her as one, not a spoiled baby.

She had offered him a room at the Chateau but he had refused. He said he already had accommodations for the night, but also that it wouldn’t _be proper_ and _what would her mother think _?__  Jester had laughed. Very few things were proper at the Chateau and she doubted her mother would mind, Marion had been younger than Jester when she started working as the Ruby. Besides, she had offered him _a room_ , not _her room_. Although, if he wanted to, she wouldn’t be opposed to sharing a bed...

But she didn’t push it. She could tell that Caleb was overwhelmed enough as it was. The way he hugged her, although warm and gentle and wonderful, also held an hesitant edge that told her he wasn’t used to being touched. And Jester knew she didn’t have enough self-control to stop herself from touching him if he stayed, even if it was just to be sure that he was real.

Jester sometimes wondered if she was slowly loosing her mind, getting deeper into her world of imagination until she couldn’t tell it apart from reality. For years, her imagination had been her only solace, a friend when she had none, a shield that kept sadness and loneliness at bay. And then she had met the Traveler, with his wise, mysterious words that rang truer than truth and his magic that was made real through her hands. A real friend, a real God. Or was he? Mama said he was an imaginary friend, just another creation of her overactive young mind. She couldn’t see him, no one else could. And imaginary friends were all well and good for little children, but Jester was getting older and the time to put away childish things was here. But she couldn’t leave the Traveler behind, no more than she could leave an arm or a leg, he had become a part of her.

And now there was Caleb who seemed so, so real. He was devastatingly handsome, but not like the perfect men in her romance novels. He was handsome in a real way, with his fiery hair and his icy eyes, which were truly beautiful but hid a deep sadness Jester recognized because she was used to hiding her own. Sadness was real, pain was real, she hoped Caleb was real too.

But, like the Traveler, he waltzed in and out of her life without warning, catching her when she was alone and no one was there to tell her he couldn’t be seen. And, if she was being honest, he did seem a bit too good to be true... He knew her too well, almost like he had spent ages with her, like he had seen her through good and bad times, through struggles her young mind had not even experienced yet, like he was a part of her too. Like all her loneliness and want had turned into a man with sad eyes and a secret smile that could sweep her off her feet, not an imaginary friend, but imaginary nonetheless.

But as the next day came and Jester looked out of her balcony window, there he was, waiting for her, just like they had planned. Her worries set aside, she quickly put on one of her favorite dresses - a pretty pink one with tiny white flowers - and two little bows on her horns. Then she grabbed her makeshift rope, the bundle of old sheets she kept hidden under her bed for... sneaky, mostly Traveler related, situations, and used it to climb down from her balcony.    

“Morning, Cay-leb!” She said as she reached the ground, a mischievous smile lighting up her face. “Were you looking up my skirt?”

Caleb seemed to choke, breaking into a coughing fit, his entire face turning a bright red. “What? _Nein!_ I would never!”

She laughed, pacing around him with predatory grace. “Such a gentleman.” She stopped behind him and took a look at his behind, or at least where his behind would have been if it wasn’t covered by his thick jacket. “Wish _I_ was that restrained.”

“Jester...” He said in his low, accented voice. “Are you teasing me?”

“Of course!” She said and he frowned. “You just look so cute when you blush, I can’t help myself!”

His frown melted into a small smile, his blush only deepening. “I don’t think I’ve ever been called _cute_ before.”

Her mouth opened in a surprised little __o.__ “Never? How is that possible, you’re the cutest wizard I’ve ever seen!”

“Do you know a lot of wizards?” He asked, eyeing her swaying tail with amusement.

“Well no...” She bit her lip, moving her weight from one foot to the other and back again. “But my Mama has a lot of men over and I suppose some of them are probably wizards and none of them are ever as cute as you!”

Caleb laughed, loud and carefree and a little off pitch, like he wasn’t used to doing it. “I’m glad you’re the first to call me that, Jester. It means more coming from you.”

Now she was the one to blush. “I guess it’s a day of firsts. You know, this is the first time I go on a date...”

“Oh, yes... I suppose this is a date, _ja _?__ I don’t know much about how this works either...”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it all planned. I’m going to show you around Nicodranas! I don’t get out much... but I know all the coolest spots, trust me.” She winked at him and his smile widened.

  “Then shall we get going, _Liebling_?”

He extended his hand tentatively and she took it, lacing their finger together like they had the previous day, when they were running from the temple. They made their way into the streets of Nicodranas, already buzzing with activity. Around them, people of all races and ages walked to and fro, selling wares, taking in the views, buying from colourful stalls. The air around them was heavy with the sent of spices and the salty ocean breeze. To Jester, it smelled like home.

They walked in a comfortable silence as Jester took them to the pier where the lighthouse of the Wildmother stood, so he could see its shape against the ocean. It was one of her favourite things to paint, but she could hardly see it from her window so she always took the chance to see it up close.

“Ta-da!” She said, her arms open to frame the impressive sight of the enormous stone woman by the sea. Melora wasn’t her god but she had to admit, she had style. “What do you think?”

Caleb smiled, a little sadly. “It’s beautiful. I have... had a friend who would love to see it.”

“Had... Did something happen to them?” She asked, her voice small and concerned.

“Oh no, he’s fine. Just very far away...” He smiled a bit again but Jester could tell he was forcing it. “He’s a cleric like you. You’d like him.”

Jester took a sit on the small stone wall that surrounded the pier and Caleb followed suit, his ginger hair blowing into his face in the wind.

“Was he the person you were trying to message when you got me instead?” She asked.

“No. That was... someone else.” He flinched visibly and Jester thought she should stop pushing him but her curiosity was getting the best of her.  

“You called them _Liebling_... You called me that earlier too...”

Caleb looked away, towards the ships sailing away from the bay. “It’s a Zemnian term of endearment. In Common I guess it roughly translates to _Darling_.”

“Did you... love that person?” He didn’t say anything for a long time and Jester kicked herself for being so nosey. “Nevermind. You don’t have to answer that. Mama says I ask too many questions and it makes people uncomfortable...”

“That’s okay, Blueberry. I did... I still do have a lot of love in my heart for that person. But they’re a part of another life.”

Silence fell between them again and Jester fought against the negative feelings that threatened to overwhelm her. For all she knew, he could be talking about a family member, but it felt like something more, like an ex lover. And that filled her with a bitter feeling she had never experienced before. With a start, she realized she was jealous.

Strangely, the thought made her smile. Her mind would not come up with an imaginary boy that was still in love with someone else. Which meant he was real, right?

Suddenly, Caleb’s stomach let out a loud, unhappy growl. She laughed and turned around to see him clutching his belly.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t had anything to eat today.”

“You should have said that already, silly! Come on, I know where they make the best pastries in the entire Coast!”

She took him into her favourite bakery and got them both huge bear claws with lots of frosting and cinnamon on top and, as they ate and talked about small things like the city around them and the weather, the tension between them seemed to melt away until they were back to normal. Just Jester and Caleb, magical penpals and now maybe more...

“It’s great!” She said in between bites. “It’s always warm and sunny. Even when there’s a storm it never gets cold!”

“So you never get snow?” He said and reached out to wipe a bit of frosting from her cheek. Then he licked his finger and Jester almost lost her train of thought. “That’s a shame.”

“Well the Empire may have snow but Nicodranas has me, so...”

“That is true. But I’ll take you to see the snow, someday.” He said and she smiled wildly. He was making plans for the future, plans to show her a world she had so far only read about. He really was too perfect. “In the meantime, I’ll handle this humidity. For you.”

“You know... You’d feel a lot more comfortable if you took off that heavy jacket.” She said, still trying to get a glimpse of his body. “It’s not really what I’d call ‘beachwear’.”

 “I would, Blueberry. But I don’t really like to walk around with my books on display.” He opened the coat and showed her his book holster, strapped over a clean white button down shirt, tight around a thin but wiry body. Jester help back the will to touch him. Real, everything about him seemed so real.

“Are those really valuable?”

“To me...” He looked down shyly.

“Well if you really like books I know where to take you next!” She said triumphantly, finishing her bear claw.

“Lead the way, Miss Lavorre.”

 

She took him to Klarissa’s Corner, a small bookshop hidden in the middle of the market. It was where her mother got the books she kept in the Chateau for her more... literary patrons and Jester had only been there once to pick some up when Blude couldn’t go, but she had been surprised by the amount of books the small place had. Sure, most of them were smut, but she was sure Caleb would be able to find something that was to his liking there as well.

She couldn’t see any light inside the place but, when she pushed the door, it opened without an issue, a small bell attached to the top ringing to announce their presence. Inside, old lamps of exotic shapes and colors filled the space with yellow light but there were so many books, pilled on top of each other with no apparent rime or reason, that some of them rose in high towers to block out the windows.

Caleb looked awestruck, staring at the mess of paper and binding leather with his mouth slightly open.

“This is spectacular...” He whispered into the book maze.

“Oh I think so too, deary.” A disembodied voice said. Both Jester and Caleb turned around in a slow circle, looking for a ghost among the stacks. Instead they found an old halfling woman with a cloud of curly white hair, sitting on a green rocking chair and holding a book almost bigger than her. “It’s my pride and joy.”

“Are you Klarissa?” Jester asked.

“The one and only, honey. Welcome, to my Corner! Feel free to look around. It may look like a bit of a mess, but it has a method, I assure you.”

“You can find specific books in here?” She was wondering how the old lady could even find her way out of that maze. Caleb had started wondering around and Jester couldn’t even see him anymore.

“Some, not all, not anymore. I could once but I started getting more and more and something are just too good to part with, you know? But I can tell you where most things _should_ be.”

“Do you have anything about history, ma’am?” Caleb asked, his voice sounding far off and muffled by the books.

“On the right, by the painting of the ducks, darling. It’s mostly historical romance, though.”

“ _ _Danke!”__  His reply came from even further away.

“And for you, sweetheart? What can I get you?”

“I heard there’s this really good new one called _Tusk Love _.__ Do you have it?”

“New, you say? No deary, haven’t had a new shipment in a while. Been trying to cut down, ya see?”

Jester was a little disappointed but she quickly got lost in all of the other novels with bright, inviting covers. _Zemnian Nights_  seemed to call to her, with its dark blue cover and golden lettering.

“But I doubt you’ll need much more romance in your life with that strapping young man by your side.” Klarissa added. “You two make such a beautiful couple!”

 Jester turned around with surprising speed, her tail whipping around and almost making a pile of drow romance novels fall down. “You can see him?” She asked the old lady.

“Of course! I’m not _that_ old, dear.”

Jester could almost kiss her! If she could see him, that meant Caleb was real! A real human boy that was not actually too good to be true, but just good!

She practically skipped trough the book maze until she found him, leaning against a moldy painting of three ducks in a pond, face buried in a book. Before he even noticed she was there, she reached up on her tippy toes and kissed him on the cheek.

His head snapped up to look at her, their lips just a breath apart. “Jessie! What was that for?”

“No reason... I’m just really happy you’re here.”

He smiled, closing the book but not putting it down. “I’m also very, very glad I’m here. For what it’s worth, this is definitely one of the best dates I’ve ever been on.”

“One of?” She pouted.

“Definitely top ten.” He said with a rueful smile.

Jester tuck out her tongue, taking a step back to look at the book he’d been reading.

“ _Coastal Heat _?”__ She laughed. “Are you reading smut, Cay-leb?”

His cheeks reddened. “It actually has some very interesting information on the accords that lead to the development of the Clovis Concord...”

“Suuuure.” She said with a giggle. “Do you want to buy it?”

“I would... But I don’t think I can afford it.”

“You could always steal it...” She whispered

“No... It wouldn’t be right...” He say with the hesitation of someone who had clearly done it before.

“I won’t judge you for it. You caught me doing something not very nice before, it’s your turn.” He started to object but she interrupted him. “Shove it in your coat and try to sneak out, I’ll distract her.”

She walked away before he could say anything else and started talking to Klarissa about ordering _Tusk Love _.__ Halfway through Jester’s questioning on how much ordering a book from the Empire would cost, however, Klarissa got up on her chair to look over her shoulder at a half-hidden Caleb.

“Did you find anything good, deary?”

Caleb looked at Jester with wide, panicked eyes and then started coughing frantically.

“Oh no!” Jester cried out. “He’s allergic to dust! I think he can’t breath!”

Caleb nodded enthusiastically, still fake coughing and clutching his jacket.

“You need to go outside! Quick, before your throat starts to close!”

As if her words flipped a switch inside him, Caleb made for the door in a hurry. Jester followed soon after, but not before giving Klarissa a wink and one platinum. _For the trouble._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with another one and this one didn't take me a whole month, yay me! I cosplayed Goth Jester at Comiccon last weekened and it was amazing and it really got my critter feels dialed to an 11 so I had to write another chapter! I also got some ideas for other stories so keep an eye out for that! For now, enjoy chapter 10 and, if you want to check out my cosplay, look up @jessifortune on istagram

They ran trough the city, just like on the previous day, their faces flushed from laughter, their fingers laced together.

  
As he struggled to keep up with Jester, holding his jacket closed to keep the book from falling, Caleb thought he would be perfectly happy doing this every day for the rest of his life, as long as he could continue to see her this happy and free.

  
There was a light in her eyes that brought out the best, lightest parts of him. The parts he had forgotten or locked away behind walls of grief for years on end. When she smiled, he couldn’t help but smile back, when she laughed his chest filled up with warmth, when she touched him he felt like his feet weren’t touching the ground anymore.  
In his original timeline he remembered seeing that light the first time they had met in that tavern. She was so alive then, so full of light and joy. But he had noticed it fading slowly, even if her smile never wavered. It started when she was taken by the Iron Shepherds, and then when she found out about Molly. By the time the blue dragon debacle happened, he was sure the spark would die for good. But she hadn’t let it, not entirely. Her spark was small, battered and bruise, but still brightly burning. She was the eternal light his dark, wretched self was helplessly attracted to.

  
He wondered if they could have ever had this in his timeline. This simple, sweet, puppy love. Back then it had seemed impossible. She was so vibrant, so beautiful, so out of his league. But this Jester didn’t seemed to think so. The way she talked and looked at him, _mein Gott_ even he was starting to believe she was truly attracted to him, scrawny and scarred and all.

  
Maybe if he had told her how he felt... Maybe if he had held her hand like he did now, without fear or hesitation... Maybe if he tried to sooth the pain he saw inside her, the way she tried to do with everyone else instead of isolating himself with his spells and his regrets...

  
No, they could never have had simple, puppy love. Because in that timeline they were not simple, they were older and slightly jaded and more aware of the dark recess of the world. It could never be like this, but it could be real and messy and complicated. And, even though he loved this, there was a part of him that ached for what could have been.  
Jester took him to the beach, dragging him by the hand as she ran and skipped. When their feet sunk into the sand, she turned around dramatically and pointed towards the ocean in the same way she had with the lighthouse.

  
“And now, the last stop on our fantastic tour of Nicodranas, the most magical place in the city... Besides my bedroom, of course...” She winked and Caleb felt his cheeks turn redder than his hair. “Open Quay Beach! Ta-da!”

  
Caleb took in the seascape. It wasn’t the same beach they had visited the first time the Mighty Nein had come to Nicodranas. This beach was much closer to the city centre and it had the distinct feel of a hidden gem, only known by the locals. It truly was incredibly beautiful, the teal waves crashing against the golden shore as the sun set into the water in tones of pink and orange. Like a panting waiting to be put to canvas.

  
“It’s lovely.” He said, breathing in the salty air.

  
“I know, right? I’m pretty sure it’s the best beach ever. Sorry to ruin all other beaches for you.” She sat down on the sand and started taking her shoes off. “Want to go for a swim?”

  
“I didn’t really bring any swimwear...” He said, taking a seat next to her, his heavy coat fanning out behind him. He remembered taking all his clothes and going for a swim without a care in the world, the first time they had come to Nicodranas. But back then he was sure nobody in the group cared enough to even give his naked body a second glance. Now, Jester’s sultry sideways stares told him otherwise.

  
“Oh, I didn’t either.” In one fluid motion she took off her pink dress and stood in front of him in just her white chemise.

  
His mouth went dry. He tried to speak, to say something witty and flirty and cool, but all they came out was a lame, whispered _oh_.  
“C’mon Widogast, live a little!” She giggled as she skipped towards the water.

  
_Live a little_ , that’s what his mother had wanted him to do... And wasn’t that why he had messaged Jester in the first place? Because he wanted to live again?

  
Shrugging off his coat, he stood up and took off his boots. Then, after looking around the beach and noticing that they were completely alone, he unbuckled his book holster and left his precious tomes in the sand, hidden under his jacket.

  
By the time he reached the shoreline, Jester had gone so far in the waves reached her waist. He put one tentative foot in and almost recoiled. The water was warmer than that of any lake or river in the Empire, but it was still far too cold for any sort of enjoyable bathing.

  
Jester didn’t seem to mind it, though. From far away, she called to him, spinning around in her now almost see-trough, soaked chemise. Tentatively, he took another step, letting the waves meet his knees, trying not to shiver. Another step and he was closer to her now, almost close enough to reach out for her hand, the water covering his thighs, touching him with icy fingers even trough the thick wool of his pants.

  
Before he managed to reach her, however, Jester dove down, submerging herself completely beneath the tide. For an excruciatingly long moment, she disappeared from Caleb’s sight completely. He turned around in a circle, looking for her through the teal waters but it was like the sea had swallowed her whole, no matter where he looked there was no trace of the tiefling. Starting to panic, he called out her name but no one answered. Before he could start running for the shore to get help, however, he felt something brush against his leg, soft and soothingly like his cat, before Jester reemerged at his side.

  
He wanted to be mad at her for scaring him but, as she rose up to full height again, her chemise clinging to her like a second skin and her hair stuck to her face and hanging from her horns wildly but her smile as radiant as he’d ever seen it, he could do nothing but smile back.

  
“Let’s race to the shore!” She said. “I bet us Nicodranians know how to swim faster than you Empire kids.”

  
“I’ll just take your word for it. It’s far too cold to swim right now.”

  
“Cold? The water is perfect! Don’t tell me you’re not going to swim! You’re just going to...stand there?” She asked, her eyebrow raised.

  
“ _Ja_. It is quite enough for me, thank you.” He said, the water hit his waste now and it felt like tiny little needles of ice all over his lower body.

  
“Cayyyyyy-leeeeeb...” She whined. “That’s no fun.”

  
He started to argue but she flicked her tail over the water and sent a massive wave in his direction, soaking him from top to bottom.

  
He just stood there for a moment, hair dripping onto his face, his shirt stuck to his body, the fabric transparent now and sopping wet.

  
“Jester...” He muttered, his voice low. And then he burst into laughter, loud and uncontrollable. He laughed through his shivers and through the discomfort, happy to just be a normal guy on a date with a beautiful girl, whose biggest problem was something as trivial as the cold.

  
Soon enough they were both giggling, splashing each other with water until neither of them could feel the cold anymore. Eventually Caleb dove down and swam around, opening his eyes under water to take in the beautiful sand and the schools of fish swimming around Jester’s legs. When he came back up, he wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her up, taking advantage of the salt water to hold her against him in a way his weak physique would not allow him to do on dry land.

  
“Are you enjoying your first date, Blueberry?”

  
She nodded, still laughing. “Are second dates usually this good too?”

  
“I don’t know. We should find out.”

  
She leaned down, their foreheads touching, her arms wrapped around his neck. “Are you asking me on another date, Mr. Widogast?” She asked, her voice low.

  
In that moment, Caleb knew with as much certainty as he knew the sky to be blue or the ingredients needed for a teleportation circle, that Jester wanted him to kiss her.

  
“If you’ll have me...”

  
In that moment, he really wanted to kiss her too. But, just before he leaned in, another voice echoed in his head, laughing hysterically.

  
“Clever Bren...” Astrid said, her words a little slurred. He had never seen her drink before but he was sure she was drunk now. “You’re not in the Empire at all, are you? You were spotted going south. Don’t worry, I’ll burn the entire Coast just to smoke you out. I’ll see you soon, _Schatz_.”

  
His entire body turned to ice, colder than even the water around him. He had been careless. He had let himself be happy and relaxed and carefree like Jester. But he wasn’t Jester. She was an innocent and now he had put her in danger.

  
Putting her down gently, Caleb was sure of what he had to do, even though he really didn’t want to.

  
“Come, lets go back to shore before we start to freeze.”

  
He laced their fingers together and they started to move, pushed forward by the waves. Jester followed silently, her smile wavering, but not showing any other signs of disappointment. Beside her, Caleb’s heart ached, he could feel the distance between them growing already.

  
“Look, Jessie...” She looked up at him, her eyes wide and shinny and he wanted nothing more than to take it all back and kiss her right then and there. But he didn’t because he couldn’t. Because he was trying to do the right thing. “I’m going to have to leave soon...” Her bottom lip started to tremble and he gripped her hand tighter. “Just for a couple of days, I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay? It’s something very important, or else I wouldn’t leave your side.”

  
Caleb realized, not for the first time, that doing the right thing really sucked. And it hurt, more than anyone ever told you.

  
But he needed to go and make himself known somewhere far, far away. He had to find a big town up north where news would travel fast back to the Scourgers and make a big enough scene that they would have no choice but to turn around.

  
“When?” She asked, her eyes roaming the beach but avoiding his own.

  
“Tonight, would be best.” She crossed her arms over her chest defensively and Caleb grabbed his jacket and draped it over her shoulders, not caring if the thick wool got wet. “The sooner I leave, the sooner I’ll be able to get back to you.”

  
“And you promise you will, right? You’ll come back?” She asked in a whisper, her voice muffled by the jacket.

  
“Of course, _Liebling_. We have a second date to go on, right?”

  
“My dad also promised... but he never came back...”

  
Caleb froze, although he knew this story already, he never thought it affected her this much. He guessed older Jester had just gotten better at hiding it. But, if he really thought about it, he knew there had been signs, he remembered her messaging the Gentleman and the longing in her voice, even though none of them were sure that he was her father. He wished he could have comforted her then, but he’d been too much of a coward. He could now, though.

  
“I would never do that to you.” He wrapped the coat tighter around her, wanting to hug her but letting her have as much space as she needed. “And I’m sure, wherever he is, he regrets it deeply. I’m sure he’s sorry he didn’t get to see you turn into the amazing woman you are today.”

  
She smiled sadly. “I really want to meet him one day.”

  
“I’m sure you will, _Liebling_.”

  
They sat down in the sand and, eventually, Jester opened the coat for him to huddle up next to her, their soaked clothes clinging to each other, never really drying in the chilly evening air. But neither of them seemed to care, they were just focused on enjoying the time they had left.

  
“I want to show you something before I go.” He said, breaking the silence. He snapped his fingers and Frumpkin appeared, leaping down from mid air. Jester’s eyes danced between him and his cat, wide with wonder. “This is Frumpkin. He’s my cat.”

  
Silently, he told the cat to rub himself against Jester’s legs and she squealed with delight as she scratched behind his ears and he started to purr.

  
“Oh my Gods! Is he like a cat-cat or a wizard cat?”

  
“Technically he’s a fey cat. But I guess he’s also my wizard cat. He’s my familiar.”

  
“That is amazing! I always wanted a pet but Mama says we can’t have them at the Chateau.”

  
She picked him up and put him on her wet lap and started to rub his belly. Frumpkin looked bothered but Caleb told him to bare it because she was in need of some kitty cuddles. “You’re such a handsome boy, Frumpkin! Almost as handsome as your owner! But don’t tell him that because he’ll get all awkward and flustered.”

  
True to her words, Caleb started to blush and she stuck her tongue out at him.

  
“Don’t listen to her, Frumpkin. She’s just trying to get us to stay. She’s far too beautiful to have such bad taste.”

  
She bumped him with her shoulder. “First of all, you’re hot Cayleb, deal with it! Second, I have excellent taste! And third, would that work? Can I flatter you until you stay?”

  
“I wish...” Before she started to sadden again, he gathered all that was left of his courage and wrapped his arm around her waist, bringing her closer. “But, you know, I have an idea...”

  
“What?” She asked, her lids lowered in the way that told him she was thinking about kissing him again. But he couldn’t, not until he was sure they were all safe.

  
“I could leave Frumpkin with you.” He said, stroking the cat’s neck. “He has this ability that allows me to see trough his eyes, so I could check on you from time to time.”

  
“Are you going to spy on me while I’m changing?”

  
“N-Nein...I wouldn’t-” He stuttered.

  
She laughed. “I know, silly. You’re just too easy to tease.” She laid her head on his shoulder. “Thank you , Cayleb. I’ll take great care of your cat, I promise. Mama won't even know he's there.” She said and, to him, it almost sounded like ‘I love you’.

  
As the sun disappeared completely from the horizon and the night started to get cold, they gathered their things and made their way back to Jester’s home. Standing under her balcony, Caleb gave her a long hug goodbye and Frumpkin a last scratch behind the ears, before he reluctantly left Nicodranas.

  
Later, as they both stared out into the night sky - Jester from her balcony, now wearing a warm, dry nightgown, with Frumpkin circling her ankles, and Caleb on horseback, wrapped in the damp coat that still smelled like Jester and the sea - they both regretted the fact that their day of firsts had not ended with a first kiss. Instead, their fond memories were tainted with the longing and sadness of a first goodbye.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm back! Life is still ridiculously busy but writing helps keep me sane so you get a new chapter!  
> Sooo little disclaimer, I'm aware we've gotten better discriptions of Astrid since I started writing this fanfic and we now know that she's a brunette. But, for the sake of continuity (and partly because I still see Astrid as a blond in my mind) I'm going to keep describing her as a blond. Hope you don't mind.  
> As always, thank you for reading, comments and kudos are very appreciated! <3

Caleb rode like a man running from death itself.

He supposed he was, in a way.

He took every shortcut and hidden path he knew of and, when he could, he used magic to stay awake, so he could ride trough the night, or to make his horse go faster.

It took him two days of restless riding to reach his destination but it was worth it, the quicker he announced his presence there, the most unlikely it would seem that he had been hiding in Nicodranas this entire time.

He chose to go to Ballenhall, a large city in the North, surrounded by lush woods and a sprawling mountain range. Ballenhall had started out as a small village that provided the Empire with wood and carpentry. But over the years, as people started to harvest and study the raw materials found in woods and the mountain, the town quickly became the Empire’s go-to location for purchasing all sorts of ingredients for  intricate spells or the creation arcane objects.

Unsurprisingly, the Solstryce Academy was Ballenhall’s main source of commerce. Lower members of the Cerberus Assembly were commonly sent there to make sure shipments arrived safely to Rexxentrum or to retrieve special items. Caleb himself remembered visiting the town once, when he was still a child, to get Ikithon more paper and _crystals _.__  

He was sure the city would be crawling with _Vollstreckers_  and, even though that made it the last place he wanted to go to, it also made it perfect for what he needed to get done.

He arrived at the end of the day but didn’t look for a place to sleep, he planned on leaving before sunrise. Instead, he found a tavern, the Meadow’s Maiden, not a secluded, run down place where he could fit in, but a more respectable watering hole where Scourgers likely boarded and drank.

Caleb snuck his way in, slipping in right behind another patron. He wanted to be noticed, but only at the right time. When he had every part of this crazy plan figured out. When he finally managed to stop shaking from the mere thought of being surrounded by enemies.

He took a seat at the furthest corner of the bar and asked the tavern keeper for a pint of his strongest ale. As the old dwarf fetched his drink, he flipped the collar of his jacket up to hide his face and surveyed the room surreptitiously.

The tavern was well populated but not overtly full, which was good. Some of the patrons were locals, wealthier merchants or reputable enchanters who could afford the steeper prices of this establishment. But the majority of the costumers were members of the Assembly, like Caleb had expected.

There was a large group of them in the corner by the stage, where a bard was gently strumming a lute, Caleb recognized their robes. Yet he could tell they were nothing more than grunts, untested youths or less capable spellcasters sent to do little more than guard wagons. They were part of the Academy, but not actual _Vollstreckers_ and, while he didn’t doubt they would be capable of passing on news of his location expediently, he was searching for somebody more well connected, someone who might have heard his name before. Someone who probably knew Astrid and Eodwulf and Ikithon personally.

Then he saw them, a man and a woman at the other end of the bar, dressed in light blue robes but decorated with the striking golden marks and sigils of the Scourgers.

For a second, he could have sworn they were Astrid and Eodwulf themselves. The woman had golden hair, braided around her head like a crown, the man was large, with an imposing graying beard and matching hair.

But that’s where the similarities ended. The girl’s cheeks where rounded and childlike, not severe like Astrid’s, and the man’s eyes were a pale blue, not Eodwulf’s deep, troubled, brown. Their wrists, the little of them that peaked out of their long sleeves as they talked, was smooth and unmarked. Their smiles were large and real, untouched by the horrors he and his childhood companions had faced.

Caleb had always thought about what his life would have been like had he not broken down, had he continued to work with Ikithon. He often compared it to his life with the Nein and, now, to this new reality that stood between the two. But he knew there were other possibilities, millions of them. He had seen some of them in the Dodecahedron. He supposed in one of those the three of them could have ended up like the couple at the bar, had Ikithon never taken a special interest in them. Still a weapon of the Empire, still touched by the darkness of the Assembly, but not irreparably changed by it all.

His drink was put down in front of him and he stared deeply into the dark swirls of the foamy ale, setting his plan in stone. He brought the tankard to his lips and took a single sip before letting most of it drip down the front of his shirt. He also took down his long hair, letting it hang in front of his eyes. The final step was to gather some of the guano he kept in his pocket and smear it across his face. His transformation back into the old, broken and scared Caleb was complete. It felt disgusting, but also kind of right.

Before getting up, he took a moment to check in on Jester. If any little thing went wrong with this plan, he could easily end up being caught and sent back to Rexxentrum. He could return to being tortured and experimented on by Ikithon. Or he could be dead by the end of the week.

He wished he had kissed her. Even though he’d been preoccupied and the moment hadn’t felt quite right, he wished he had. Now he might never get the chance...

Closing his eyes, he gave in to the momentary blindness, pushing his conscience out in search for his companion’s. Like a light at the end of an endless tunnel, he followed the pull of the bond between himself and his familiar, becoming ever closer until he could see through the cat’s eyes.

Frumpkin was in Jester’s room, laying on her bed while she painted by the window. Caleb knew looking trough Frumpkin’s eyes at this point was a risk, he was on enemy territory and the longer he was blind to the things around him, the most likely he was to be found out and ambushed. But still, he stared for a little longer. He couldn’t help himself.

He watched Jester add highlights to a beautiful painting of her mother, holding a blue baby tiefling in her arms. Suddenly, her hand started to shake and she dropped the brush on the carpeted floor. The shaking ran trough her entire body, before she let out a single, loud sob. Without Caleb even having to command him, Frumpkin got up and jumped into her lap, rubbing his head against her chest to comfort her as she cried.

 Caleb’s consciousness snapped back into his body, his eyes clearing to show the tavern again. Looking around, he was still safe, unnoticed. But his blood in his veins had turned to ice.

Why was she crying? Jester had her troubles but she was always so good at keeping things bottled up and putting on a brave face... He knew something horrible had to have happened to make her brake down like this. Was he too late? Was Astrid in Nicodranas already? Had she found Jester? Had she hurt her? Or threatened her?

No... she was at home and she was alive. She was safe. He knew that if Astrid had found her... if Astrid had known what she meant to him and managed to get her hands on her... Jester would not be breathing anymore.

He felt like he was going to throw up.

Ignoring the risk of calling attention to himself if anyone heard him speak, he immediately messaged Jester.

“Are you okay, Blueberry? I saw through Frumpkin that you were crying... What’s wrong? What happened? Are you safe?” He asked, covering his mouth with the collar of his jacket so the sound wouldn’t travel.

It took a moment for her response to arrive and, even though he could tell she wasn’t crying anymore, her voice was still thick with repressed emotion.

“I’m fine... I’m sorry I scared you.” She hiccuped. Caleb let out a sigh of relief. “Nothing happened it’s just that... tomorrow is my eighteenth birthday...”

He tried not to visibly flinch. He could pretend all he wanted to be a normal young man in love, but it would never be real. Normal boyfriends didn’t miss their girlfriend’s birthday because they were on the run. Normal boyfriends didn’t fear for their lives while they were gone.

“That is a very important date, _Liebling _...__ I apologize for not being there. I promise I’ll return as fast as I can, and then we can celebrate.”

“That’s okay... I never celebrate my birthday anyway. Mama always gets really sad around this time of the year because that’s when my father left... I usually just spend the day with her.”

Caleb took a deep breath. By the time he had taken his jump trough time, the Nein had been together for over a year. Jester’s birthday had come and gone and she had never said a thing. To be fair, none of them had celebrated their birthdays. But Jester, with her love of cake and dancing... it seemed like an awful shame to deprive her of a birthday party. He wondered if she had been a little quieter that day. He wandered if he had noticed and said nothing anyway...

“This year will be different. I’m making sure you get a party, Jester.”

He could hear her smile even trough the message. “That sounds amazing but I’ll be happy just to have you back...” She paused for a second, gathering her thoughts. “Look, I don’t know exactly why you left but I have a feeling you’re doing something dangerous... Be safe, alright? Come back soon.”

His answer was nothing but a choked, “I will.”

Then it was back to reality, back to what he needed to get done.

Grabbing his tankard, he stumbled around the bar, moving towards the two _Vollstreckers_. The act was surprisingly familiar, back when he and Nott ran cons to survive, they used to call it the “Village Idiot”. He would act like a drunk buffoon, being loud and obnoxious enough to get everyone’s attention, while Nott picked their pockets.

But Nott wasn’t here now and there would be no pocket picking. No, this time he was playing a long con and the result of the distraction would be something much more important than just a few coins.

He dragged himself up to the male Scourger and hooked his leg around the foot of his stool. As he pretended to trip, his ale spilling all over the floor, he reached out and grabbed the man’s shoulder, leaning heavily against him.

“ _Oh, verzeihung!”_ He apologized, his words coming out slurred, his pronunciation sloppy. “ _Verzeihung, bitte!”_

The man looked down at his robes where a few drops of ale had left a dark stain, then his eyes raised darkly towards Caleb’s.

“You should watch where you’re going, you filthy mutt!” He growled back in Zemnian, his accent full of the sharp pronunciation of the noble families of the capital. Caleb got the distinct feeling that this man had gotten into the Academy not just by the weight of his arcane skills but also by the weight of his family’s coin purses. “Get your dirty hands off me before you regret it!”

Caleb didn’t, instead he gripped the man’s shoulder tighter. The Scourger bared his teeth.

“Let the man go, Geralt! He’s not worth it.” The _Vollstrecker_  woman said, not with concern but mild annoyance, her stare never leaving her drink.

“Stay out of it, Hilda!” He grabbed Caleb’s jacket lapels, lifting him up to just the tips of his booted feet touched the ground. “This bum needs to learn some manners!”

Caleb snickered, shaking some of the hair off his face. “You should listen to the lady, Geralt. Back in my day, _Vollstreckers_  were better at following orders.”

“Back in your... You were part of the Assembly?” Hilda asked, finally looking at him.

“Don’t listen to what he says! He’s just a lying drunk trying to get some coin with a ridiculous story.”

“He’s right, don’t listen to me, Hilda. Why would the Academy ever accept someone like me, right?” Grinning madly, he pulled up his sleeve, showing off his scarred arm.

Hilda’s eyes widened. She and her partner had been spared Ikithon’s wicked experiments - maybe because of their families’ status, but most likely due to a lack of extraordinary talent, Caleb suspected - but they studied and worked and fought alongside those who had not. They knew what the scars looked like, they knew what their presence on his skin meant.

“Who...are you?” She asked in a whisper.

Caleb took the time to think over his next words, the most important of all, the ones he had been afraid to utter out loud for so long. “No one. Not anymore. But I was once Bren Alrdric Ermendrud.”

Geralt’s grip on his jacket loosened and he dropped to the floor, stumbling backwards to maintain his footing.

“That’s not possible!” He muttered. “I’ve heard about you, they say you went mad, they say you died!”

Caleb spun around with his mug raised in the air, still playing the drunken fool. “If that’s the reputation that proceeds me, then I guess you’ve met a ghost.” Geralt snarled and Caleb laughed once again. Never had he thought he would be able to laugh so freely in the face of possible imprisonment and execution. But this was not Ikithon, just some of his minions and Caleb did not fear puppets, only the person holding the strings. “Tell me, is Ikithon still the master pulling on all your chains? You should tell him his dead apprentice is here, waiting for him! Tell him and his lap dogs they don’t need to search anymore, here I am!”

“You can tell him yourself, Ermendrud.” Hilda got up from her stool, her hand reaching inside her component pouch. A silence had settled over the tavern and Caleb knew the other Academy members sitting in the back were all looking at them now, waiting for a sign to jump in. “Geralt, get him.”

All hell broke loose.

Geralt lunged in his direction, just as Hilda threw a Fire Bolt at him. The spell glanced off of Caleb’s Mage Armor and started to burn through Gerald’s robe sleeve. As the other man screamed, Caleb heard a cacophony of chairs scraping against the wooden floor as the others ran to his aid. Caleb didn’t look at them, his attention was fully focused on the door.

A second passed, everywhere around him sounds got louder, people got closer, still he refused to look away from the door. Then a man came in to check out the commotion and, as soon as Caleb saw the street behind him, he used Dimension Door.

Air rushed around him as he teleported through the short space, he landed on his feet and did not wait, as soon as his boots touched the ground he started to run.

Behind him, he heard the tavern door open and the sound of screams and pounding footsteps poured out into the darkened streets.

“Find him! Dead or alive, get him!” Gerald yelled. “Someone message Master Ikithon, tell him we found Ermendrud.”

Caleb almost smiled, in the midst of his panicked run. His plan had worked, now all he had to do was get out of the city. Preferably alive.

He needed to get to his horse, which he had left tied to a tree on the edge of town, but he didn’t dare take the straight path trough the city center he had taken on his way in. In his efforts to keep the trackers off his back, he took every hidden alleyway and winding path he could find.

It was a solid plan, at least until his lack of physical aptitude started to show. After five minutes of non-stop running, his lungs started to fail him, burning as he struggled to take quick, shallow breaths that didn’t give him enough oxygen to keep his legs moving.

He took a sharp left into a shadowed path behind a house and his knees started to wobble, threatening to give out and he had to stop, leaning against the wall.

“ _Sheisse!_ ” He cursed quietly, trying to catch his breath.

He wished, not for the first time, that he had spent just a little bit less of his past life buried in books and a little more training with Beau. He didn’t envy her fighting skills, he didn’t even want her abs but, in situations like this, he wished he had learned to run like her. Although, if he got some bulk and became less embarrassingly squishy along the way, that wouldn’t hurt either.

The _Vollstreckers _’__ yells became louder, their steps coming ever closer and Caleb cursed again and again, but only in his head, trying to hide among the shadows. He needed to start running again but his limbs were still too shaky, his breathing too unsteady. _Just another minute_ , he prayed to any God that was listening, Pelor, the Wildmother, maybe even Jester’s Traveler, _give me one more minute and I’ll start running._

But, whoever listened to his prayer, didn’t seem to be in an answering mood, as the screams of the hunting party only got closer.

He considered his options. He could start running, but his legs would likely give out soon enough. He could summon his tiny hut and become invisible, but that would take too long. Or he could stand his ground and fight. And likely lose. And likely die.

As always, he decided he would rather risk running.

Both his chest and his legs ached as he resumed his dash, turning from one empty street to the next. He did it almost instinctively, focusing less on the path ahead and more on pushing past the pain. And that’s where things went wrong.

He turned again, not really looking ahead, and almost ran headfirst into a Scourger. There was a tense moment as the two man face each-other, eyes wide with confusion and panic, before the Scourger started screaming for the others to come. Caleb turned around and ran, fear making him move faster than he thought his tired body could, pushing him past whatever limits should have been possible for someone as untrained as him.

The trackers were on his heels now, coming ever closer. Some taunted him, called him a coward and a traitor and screamed horrible things they would do to him once they caught him. Some threw spells, most he easily dodged, others were deflected by his Mage Armor.

Then one of then threw a dagger.

There was a second of hesitation, of shock from both sides as the blade flew through the air and sunk deep into Caleb’s shoulder, making him bend forward from the impact and almost fall.

As an institution of spellcasting, the Solstryce Academy encouraged its students to forgo any sort of weapon in favour of magic. Over time, wizards got so dependant on their powers that even schoolyard skirmishes were solved with spells rather than fists.

Caleb had prepared for a chase, he had prepared to be attacked both with words and magic. But he did not prepare for blades, he did not even consider blades. And that’s where he had truly failed. Scourgers never played fair, he knew that well, he should have never forgotten it.

But as his blood started to pour down his back, warm against his chilled skin, soaking through his shirt and coat, an unnatural calm settled over him.

He stopped running.

Turning around slowly, he reached into his component pouch and dragged his left hand across his right palm. Flames rose out of the ground, reaching up to form a barrier of fire between him and the Scourgers, cool and safe on his end, but burning deadly on theirs. He took a single step forward, pushing the fire out until the trackers closer to him stated to scream. Only then did he take off running again.

He reached his horse soon after, and fell to his knees in the grass in front of the animal. His shoulder was aching wildly and the blood loss was starting to make him dizzy.

He knew he needed to get on his horse and go, he was sure the _Vollstreckers_ had easily broken his Wall of Fire with a Counterspell and were now searching for him again. But he was in too much pain to get up, his vision blurring at the edges.

He couldn’t think. He could hardly breathe. He felt trapped.

Reaching behind him, he pulled out the dagger, biting hard into his bottom lip to stop himself from screaming. His vision went white for a moment but, as it started to return and the pain faded to a steady throb, he felt his head clear a bit.

If he got on his horse now, there was a chance the dizziness would make him fall off or that he would bleed out before he got to Nicodranas.

But he knew of another way to get there, one that was faster, safer. He knew how to teleport.

He still remembered the pattern of the teleportation circle inside Yussa’s tower, right in the middle of Nicodranas. The only problem was that he wasn’t familiar with the wizard in this timeline and he didn’t know how he would react to a stranger bamfing into his house. All things considered though, he would rather take his chances with the old man than risk the long ride back.

Taking out his materials, he crawled to a barren spot and drew the circle on the dirt. Light erupted and, as he pushed his way into it, the last thing he heard was a choir of angry voices, shouting out his name, his old name. The sound made chills run down his spine.

He had once held on to that name like a prized possession, kept it secret because it was the only unspoiled thing left of its past. Bren had been his true self while Caleb was just a mask, a lie and a safety net wrapped in a single name. Now his birth name was as corrupted as everything else Ikithon had touched. And all he wanted was to go back to being Caleb, not because it was safe, but because it was pure. It was a name not yelled out as a threat or a promise of death, but called out by friends, whispered by those he loved. And that made it real, their love for him had made it real. He wanted desperately to feel real again.


	12. Chapter 12

 

Caleb felt the world rush around him, faster than his eyes could track. One second he was by his horse and the next he was in the darkened teleportation circle room in Yussa’s tower, his lungs struggling to catch up, his stomach in knots.  

He heard footsteps rush up the stairs and tried to get up, but his body wouldn’t obey him. He didn’t know how Yussa Erenis would react to a dirty, blood soaked stranger appearing in his tower in the middle of the night, but it was too late to think of another plan now. So he just stayed there, kneeling on the cold stone floor, hoping the wizard didn’t kill him before the blood loss did.

The door opened and Caleb saw Yussa peek in, a large orb of flame in his palm. He looked around and when their eyes met in the dark, the wizard took a step forward, flaming palm raised, his face crinkling with anger and the smallest hint of fear.

“Who are you? How did you get in here?” Yussa asked.

“I-” Caleb started, his mouth was dry, his tongue was having a hard time forming words. “C-Caleb...Wi-Widogast.”

“Speak up!” Yussa yelled from the doorway. “And don’t you dare move, you’ll be dead before you get off the floor.”

Caleb opened his mouth to speak again but no words came out. His vision narrowed until all he could see was the flame. Then everything stated to spin and his head hit the floor. He didn’t feel the pain, he didn’t register the cold stone against his cheek or the warm blood seeping from the fresh gash on his forehead. He heard Yussa let out a surprised grunt and then it all faded to black.

 

*

At some point, he regained conscience. He didn’t know how long it had been or where he was, just that his entire body ached. Which, given the circumstances, was a good thing. It meant he was alive.

He opened his eyes slowly, keeping them half-lidded so, in case Yussa was still around, he wouldn’t be able to tell he was awake.

He wasn’t in the teleportation room anymore. Yussa, or whoever was working for him, had taken him to some sort of cell, a small, damp room, with stone walls and a barred metal door. His arms were shackled, connected to the wall with chains long enough for him to stand but not to reach the door.

Seeing that there was no one else in the room with him, he tried to move, just a little. He stretched his legs and tried to get up but, as soon as he lifted his arm for balance, a sharp spike of pain coursed through him. Yussa had stabilized him and stopped the bleeding but he hadn’t bothered to heal him any further. His shoulder was still a mess and he knew that, if he didn’t get it fixed soon, it would never heal correctly.

What was worse, however, was that his jacket, book holster and component pouch had all been taken from him. He was completely defenseless.

“Hello?” He called out, the word echoing trough the room.

First, there was nothing but silence, then Caleb started to hear footsteps, quick and light, coming towards his cell.

A small, ancient green face popped up between the barred window at the top of the door.

“Oh, you’re awake!” Wensforth, Yussa’s goblin assistant, said. “I’ll let master Yussa know.”

“Wait, Wensforth!” Caleb called out as his bald head disappeared under the bars. The goblin popped up again and starred at him for a moment. “Please, I need help!”

“You know my name...?” He asked, his small, bespectacled eyes, staring distrustfully at him.

“ _Ja,_  I’m a friend of Yussa’s. This is all a mistake!” The lie came out surprisingly smoothly and Wensforth’s wrinkled face scrunched up with confusion. “I’m in very rough shape, Wensforth. I need my supplies so I can heal myself!”

“I’ll get master Yussa...”

He vanished, the pitter-patter of his footsteps echoing in his wake.

“Wait! At least give me some water, please!” Caleb shouted, but he didn’t return.

 The next time he heard someone approach, it was Yussa and he was alone.

“Brave of you to try and trick my assistant. Specially in your state. You should have known it wouldn’t work, however.”

He opened the door and walked in, his embroidered purple velvet robe dragging behind him.

Now that he was fully conscious, Caleb could tell that it was quite early in the morning. 6:02 am, to be exact. He wondered if Wensforth had woken Yussa up.

“Don’t be afraid, your items are well guarded. Somewhere you wont be able to find them. Now, will you answer the questions you so skillfully dodged last night?”

Yes, Caleb could tell he had just woken up. He sounded specially cranky, even for an old wizard.

“Yussa...” He started.

“Ah yes, Wensforth said you knew his name as well.” He said in a snarky tone. “Another mystery.”

“I’ll tell you all, I swear! But I need some healing first, please!” Caleb pleaded.

“Oh, come on! I stopped your bleeding, I know you’re not in that dire of a state.” He sighed and reached into one of his pockets. From within he took out a waterskin, too large to fit inside his pocket, were his robe a regular one. With a flick of his wrist, he chucked it at Caleb’s feet. “You can have some water. Wensforth said you were asking for it.”

Caleb grabbed it, twisted the cap off and carefully sniffed the liquid inside.

“You can drink it, it’s not poisoned. I don’t want you dead just yet.”

Caleb drank deeply, the water soothing his parched throat but doing nothing for the rest of his aching body.

“Thank you...” He said when he was done.

“Thank me with the truth, boy.”

“Alright...” He coughed softly. “What I’m about to tell you may sound unbelievable but I urge you to listen until the end.” The wizard just crossed his arms over his chest and waited for him to continue. “My name is Caleb Widogast and I’m from another universe. I traveled back in time and changed the course of events, I created a new timeline. But, in the reality I came from, we met before and you let me learn the pattern of your teleportation circle, that’s how I got in last night.”

“That’s not possible. Magic doesn’t allow you to change time.” He scoffed.

“Dunamancy does. It’s Drow magic, from the Dynasty in Xhorhas. It allows me to alter space and time.” Caleb said. It felt good to be open about what he had done. It’d been so long, so very long now, since he’d drawn that circle in the floor of his room.

“And you’re a master of this...Dunamancy?” The elf arched his brow.

“ _Nein_. Merely an apprentice. Or I was before... Before I got here.” He’d missed talking about Dunamancy. He missed learning about it with Essek, in his room in the Xhorhaus, showing the shadowhand things even he hadn’t thought of before. But, most of all, he missed his found family.

“As compelling as all that may be, I still need proof. Proof of you knowledge of this other reality, proof of this magic you speak off.”

“I can’t show you any magic without my components and my books!” He said, maybe a little too roughly. The wizard scoffed again. “But I do remember something you told me before. A piece of advice you gave me... ‘Use who you need to; but know everyone can be useful if you mete out their skills.’”

Something seemed to soften in Yussa’s eyes, he smiled faintly. “Yes, you’re not the first one I’ve given that advice to... I hope you follow it better than they did.” He reached inside his pocket again and pulled Caleb’s component pouch. “Show me something, any dunamantic spell. Tell me what you need for it.”

Caleb thought for a moment, then he stretched out his hand. “The gold dust.”

Yussa looked inside his bag and passed him a smaller container of sparkling gold. Caleb grabbed a handful of it and the waterskin and threw them both up in the air. He said a single word and the gold flakes moved as one towards the object, stopping it in mid-air.

Yussa walked up to the waterskin and touched it, tried to pull it down, even ran his hands trough the air underneath it. “Impressive. How long does it last?”

“As long as I wish it to.”

Yussa smiled and snapped his fingers, the shackles fell off of Caleb’s wrists.

“Thank you again. I know it’s a lot...”

“It certainly is. And I would very much like to learn more about it... but I know you won’t tell me. So I’ll offer you the final kindness of letting you leave.” Caleb smiled at him and used his good arm to push himself to his feet. The world spun around him, reminding him of just how weak he still was. “Before you do though, tell me one last thing, ‘friend’. Why did you go back?”

“To change my wrongs, to do what I was too cowardly to do before.” He said.

Yussa nodded. “And was it worth it?”

“ _J-ja_... Maybe?” He mumbled, stumbling over his words, his thoughts going by faster than he could say them out loud. “I’m not yet sure. Things don’t always go how you planned them, even when you try to go back and fix them.”

“Maybe some things are just meant to happen, no matter how much we arcane practitioners try to interfere...” The old wizard uttered, his voice carrying the wisdom of old age.

“Maybe...”

Yussa gave him his things back and they both started to make their way up the stair, towards wherever the moving door to the outside was located today. Halfway up a stairway, however, Yussa stopped and looked at him over his shoulder.

“If you ever... regret your little trip, do you have a way to go back?”

“Possibly. It is not a well studied spell. I only tried it the one time I travelled back. Dunamancy can be... volatile, at times.”

“If you do return, do let me know. Let my other self know. I’m sure he’d get a laugh out of this.” He turned towards the wall and the door appeared, like it had always been there, just waiting for someone to see it. “Now go, Caleb Widogast. And please, do us both a favour and never use my teleportation circle again.”

 

*

On the morning of her birthday, Jester did not wake up to the cheerful sound of singing birds, or her mother’s dulcet voice. She woke up to a loud tapping on her window.

_Tap._

_Tap, Tap._

_Tap._

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she looked around her room and saw Frumpkin, scratching frantically at the window, his sharp claws making tapping sounds against the glass. She stretched her arms over her head and yawned, before getting up to check on him.

“Alright, alright, I’ve heard you. What is it? Is there a bird outside?”

He meowed at her, his head tilted sideways in an unsettling show of abnormal intelligence for a cat. Jester looked out into her balcony and then to the street bellow. At first the bright Nicodranas sun blinded her and all she could see were blurry shapes. Then the world came into stark focus and she screamed.

“Cayleb! Oh Gods, are you okay?” She flung the window open and stepped into the balcony, her hand covering her mouth in shock. The scene bellow her was like a nightmare come true. He was leaning against a tree, using it to keep himself upright, his back was turned to her and what she could see of his jacket was covered in dark blood stains.

At the sound of her voice he turned towards her and, losing his grip on the tree, almost fell to his knees.

“Fuck, don’t move! I’ll be right there!”

Jester never ran faster in her life. Not even thinking about getting dressed, she dashed down the stairs, bare foot and in her nightgown. Bluud heard her footsteps and stuck his head out of his room to see what was going on. He didn’t say anything, however, and that was for the best. Jester didn’t have time for explanations.

She ran out into the street and fortunately found him still on his feet.

“Liebling... I’m sorry.” He said, his voice strained and raspy but not as weak as Jester feared. “I didn’t want you to see me like this but I don’t know any other healers in Nicodranas...”

“What happened?” She asked, hooking her arm around his waist so she could carry him in. Caleb was so light in her arms, so fragile... Like he could break if she held him too tight, moved too fast. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Oh by the Traveler, there’s so much blood!”

“Don’t worry, it looks worse than it is... I’m not bleeding anymore, just a little weak...” He said, as they entered the gates of the Chateau.

“Shhh!” She cooed. “Save your strength.”

She helped him across the bar and up the stairs, taking her time to make sure she didn’t put any more strain on his broken body. Every few steps Caleb would groan and hiss and Jester would flinch.

The walk back to her room seemed to take forever.

As they passed her mother’s room, Marion stepped out into the hallway in her fur trimmed lounging robe, morning cup of tea in hand. She saw Jester carrying the bloody man and her eyes went wide, her mouth open with questions that did not come out.

“I’ll explain everything later, Mama!” Jester called out, hurriedly walking away from her and into her own room. “Just...Just let me fix this!”

At least she hoped she could fix it.

Ever since the Traveler had first come around, Jester had been able to heal. For years it had been her only power. Any bruise or scrape she got from playing pranks with her God, she could take care off without a even a second thought. But that’s all she had ever done with her power, bruises and scrapes and hurt egos. Nothing like this, nothing this __real.__

She needed to rise up to the occasion. To be the healer Caleb needed, the one the Traveler had taught her to be, instead of the prankster she had grown used to being instead.

“Oh, alright darling... Just call out if you need...anything. Me and Bluud are right here!” Marion answered, eyeing the two of them with more than a little worry. Jester knew she would have a lot of explaining to do afterwards.

They managed to get inside her room and Jester closed the door and told Caleb to lay in her bed. He hesitated a little, swaying on his feet as he took in her room, his eyes looking over all the pink decor, before finally landing on her bed. Despite the blood loss, his cheeks grew a little pink.   

“I don’t know if I should... My shoulder...” He said. “And the blood.”

“I don’t care if you make a mess, you need to rest!” She pushed him gently until he was sitting on the mattress. “Let me take your coat off, then you can lay on your belly.”   

He didn’t struggle or argue as she started to remove the coat but when it was time for him to raise his arms, he couldn’t help but howl in pain. Jester tried not to flinch again, she tried to be strong. She did not to stop to apologize or ask if he was alright, there would be time for that once she made sure he was fully healed.

His coat was a mess, stained and thorn beyond repair, but the blood was all dry. Jester almost let out a sigh of relief, but then she saw how much more blood was on his shirt. With shaky hands, she undid all the little buttons in the front and let the blood soaked fabric slip down his slim shoulders.

A part of her brain wanted to gush at the fact that there was a shirtless boy in her bed, but the rest was too worried about his health to acknowledge the thought.

 He finally laid down and Jester got to see his injury. It was hard not to gasp, the knife wound looked like a fresh stake, bloodless but raw, his muscle exposed. The worst part, however, were the blackened edges, were his skin had started to decay.

“Oh, Cay-leb...” She breathed out, letting her fingers run lightly over his skin. She could see little black veins just under the surface, spreading from the wound.

“It’s just a stab wound, _Liebe._ Not a big deal.” He said, his voice muffled by the pillow.

“They must have put something on the blade... Your skin is turning black...”

“ _Sheisse_!” He cursed quietly. “Poisons and daggers! The Assembly has really lowered their standards.”

He laughed and it made her cringe. _Poison _.__ Could she even heal something like that?

“The Assembly? Who did this to you?” She asked, a little panicked.

“Some very, very bad people. But I handled it, Blueberry. They won’t be a problem anymore. At least not for a while.”

“Did you...?” She stammered.

“ _Nein _.__ ” He let out another painful chuckle. “That blood is all mine, unfortunately.”

“Oh... I don’t- I don’t know how to feel about that.” She let out a long breath. The more she looked at his wound, the more her nerves turned to anger. “That the person that did this to you is still out there... Anyone that would hurt you like this does not deserve to live.”

“My blood thirsty Jester... always so protective.” He laughed again, loud and a little giddy. “With your hamster unicorns and your razor sharp lollipop...”

“Lollipop... I think the poison is making you delirious! You never laugh this much...” She put her hand on his forehead, his skin was burning hot. “Yeah, you have a fever.”

He leaned into her touch, nuzzling her hand softly.

“That feels good. You’re always so cold, Blueberry.” Then he seemed to sober up for a second, he turned his head to look back at her. “Can you heal me? I don’t... I don’t think I want to die in the past.”

“Shut up, you’re not dying!” She yelled. “Gods, you’re not making any sense, Cayleb. Stand still, I’m going to try to at least close the wound.”

She ran to her nightstand and grabbed her symbol of the Traveler from the drawer she had left it in the night before. Gripping the metal piece so hard the edges stabbed into the soft skin of her palm, she begged the Traveler to help her heal him. A warm glow traveled down her arms, into the tips of her fingers and, when she touched the stab wound, the skin started to heal, inching closer together until the gash was closed. The blackness underneath remained, however.

“Come on, just a little more!” She begged her God. “Take the poison away too!”

She spread her fingers out, trying to cover all the skin the dark veins had reached. Larger, stronger hands covered her own and a dep voice whispered in her ear, _I’ll teach you a new trick, child. This one is called, Lesser Restoration. Try it._

His power flowed through the room and Jester smiled, knowing that things would be alright after all. Her God had her back.

She said the words and the black veins began to shrink, backing away until there was no darkness remaining on his skin. She sighed loudly, so did Caleb.

“Better?” She asked.

“Much!” He said.

“That was pretty amazing, right? I think I would make a great cleric!” She giggled.

“The most amazing cleric, Blueberry.” He answered sleepily. “Happy birthday, Jester. I’m sorry it had to start like this...”

He moved over a bit and Jester laid in bed next to him.

“That’s alright. All that matters is that you’re safe. Oh ,and that you’re here. That was what I asked for, after all.” She said, nestling into his warmth.  

“But that’s not all you’re going to get. I told you you’d get a party and you’re getting a party.” He kissed her forehead, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her closer. “I just need to close my eyes for five minutes...”

“Shhh, just sleep, you silly wizard. I’ll be here when you wake up, no matter how long it takes.” She said, her eyes closing too.

He mumbled something else, possibly in Zemnian, Jester couldn’t tell. In five minutes, they were both asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ran a little long, hope you don't mind. There's been a lot of big changes in my life lately and, for once, that may mean I'll be able to post more freequently. I'm also already thinking of a new multi-chapter fanfic to post after this because the end is drawing near for this one... But don't worry, there will be at least 3 more chapters, we're not that close XD  
> Happy Halloween, everyone!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who promised to update more often and then vanished for two weeks? XD I'm the worst sometimes, bare with me. But it's November and NaNoWriMo got in the way. Also this chapter is a big boy of fluff and angst so I hope it makes up for the wait! Enjoy and remember, comments and kudos feed hungry writers! <3

Caleb woke up to Frumpkin pushing his paws against his chest. Squinting against the sunlight coming in trough the window, he reached out blindly and petted his familiar. Frumpkin purred, making his chest vibrate and Caleb sighed. Nothing hurt anymore, everything around him was warm and comforting and wonderful.

Almost too wonderful.

For a second, he thought he had actually died but he knew there would be no peaceful afterlife waiting for someone like him. Weather he had amended it in this timeline or not, a version of him had killed his parents, that would always be true. He was and always would be a murderer and, if Ikithon didn’t make him suffer enough in life, he knew some entity would do it once it was over.

So this, this moment of perfect peace, had to be real. He wanted to enjoy it but, as Jester turned around and wrapped her arm around his middle in her sleep, he was acutely aware that he absolutely did not deserve it.

She looked so lovely, lost in slumber, her hair spread wildly on the pillow, her lips pressed into a concerned pout. She looked so incredibly young, so innocent. He wondered how much of that innocence he had ruined by showing up at her door in his broken state.

She had seemed so scared, so terrified that if she did anything wrong he would die. Because this Jester, he reminded himself, wasn’t _his_  Jester. She wasn’t a battle cleric, she wasn’t used to blood and near death experiences, she was still untouched by the horrors of the outside world.

Or she had been, before he had put the incredibly weight of saving his life on her. He wished he hadn’t done it, he wished he had gone anywhere else, asked anyone else for help. He never wanted her to feel responsible for fixing his mistakes. The Gods knew he had done too many already.

“Does it still hurt?” He heard her ask, her voice heavy with sleep.

“What?”

“Your wounds, do they still hurt? You look like you’re in pain.” She sat up in bed and started looking him over like a concerned mother watching over an infant with a mild cold. It was incredibly endearing. He could see her slowly maturing, growing into the person she was in his timeline.

“ _Nein,_  I feel fine, _Liebe._ I was just thinking.” He said.

“About what? The Assembly? You told me that’s who hurt you...” She ran her fingers through his hair, pulling it away from his face. It felt so incredibly good, he found himself struggling to keep his eyes open. “But you also said some pretty weird things... I’m not sure you were all here at that point. You said I had... hamster unicorns?” She giggled. Caleb paled.

_Sheisse._

When he remembered that morning, he knew parts of it were missing. There were gaps in his memory where all he could feel was burning from his shoulder and a buzzing in his head. He thought he had passed out in her arms or in her bed, just for a second, before she managed to heal him. Apparently, although the poison had shut his brain off, it had not stopped his traitorous lips from rambling on. What else had he said? Had he given himself away? He couldn’t have, she wouldn’t still be here with him if she knew all he had done...

“That does sound ridiculous...” He forced out a strangled laugh. “It must have been some strong poison... Did I say anything else?”

“Nothing really embarrassing, don’t worry.” She winked, her fingers still playing with his locks and dragging gently against his scalp. “No childhood stories, no declarations of love. But... you did say something about being in the past? That was odd.”

_Sheisse. Sheisse. Sheisse._

“The past? Sorry, I don’t remember any of it, _Schatz._ But it just sounds like the delirious ramblings of a dying man. Nothing you should worry about, not anymore.” Caleb said, hating himself more and more with each word.

Lying and tricking her were despicable enough, but did he also have to use his nickname for Astrid while doing it? Maybe it was his way of coping, if he called her that he could pretend it wasn’t Jester he was lying to. Or maybe he was just slowly reverting back to the person he was when he still loved Astrid.

He could feel evil burning through his veins, threatening to come to the surface like the poison from his stab wound. It had always been there, laying in wait, maybe the stabbing had been what it took to bring it out. Maybe it was being around Assembly members. Either way, he knew then, with a painful certainty, he had to leave her, this time for good. He had to go before the corruption was final and he hurt her like he did with everyone else.

But, looking up into a sweet, violet eyes, he knew he couldn’t do it today. Not on her birthday. Not when all she had asked was to have him here. He would make sure she had a perfect day. Something wonderful to remember when he left. He didn’t want her to hate him once he was gone, but he knew she probably would. It was better for her if she did anyway, safer.

“Anything else?” He asked, his mouth dry.

“Not that I...” Her fingers stopped.

Caleb felt all breath leave his body. What had she remembered? Had he told her about the other timeline? Had he told her he left them all and changed the course of their lives for his own selfish reasons? That he had killed his parents? That he had been tricking her this entire time, making her fall for him with dirty tricks, knowledge he shouldn’t have about her?

“Oh, I missed one.” Her cool hands brushed some hair from his forehead and she frowned. “Did you hit your forehead too?”

She bent down, grabbed his face with one hand and her symbol of the Traveler with the other, and kissed him lightly on the forehead. Caleb saw the symbol light up and felt the warmth of healing on her lips.

“ _Now_  you’re all better.” She smiled down at him, like a blue angel, the light from the window making her glow.

“Thank you...” He breathed out in relief.

Oh he was so, so thankful. Not for the healing, the wound on his forehead hadn’t hurt before and it felt no different now. But for the fact that she didn’t know. That she still looked at him with nothing but love and trust. Love and trust he did not deserve but deeply craved, even if it was just for a couple more hours.

Gods, he wished she could heal what was inside him. But he knew no one could fix what was born broken.

“Soooo,” She said, leaning over him, her hair hanging around them like a soft blue curtain. “I think we really freaked Mama out, with the blood and stuff. I need to explain everything to her but... I would really like you to meet her too. You know, as my boyfriend.”

Caleb swallowed, hard. “If that’s what you want _Liebling_ , I’d be honored to meet her.”

She squealed with delight and kissed his cheek, her lips just brushing the corner of his.

“You’re the best.” She said.

But he wasn’t. In fact, he probably was the worst thing that ever happened to her. He was absolutely vile.

Because, even though he knew he had to leave, even though he was sure he was going to break her heart, all he wanted was to pull her down towards him and kiss her, right there on her bed. We wanted to wrap his arms around the softness of her body and inhale her sweet cinnamon scent and kiss her over and over again like he had dreamed of doing more times than he cared to admit. He wanted to be her first kiss, so she’d never forget him, even after he left.

And that’s why he didn’t do it. He didn’t have much left when it came to honor, but he still had his self-control. And he knew that, even though he loved her with his whole heart, and they both clearly wanted this, and Jester was now an adult like him, it still wasn’t right. Not if he was going to leave her.

He sat up in bed, purposefully letting the moment pass. Jester’s smile wavered, just for a second, before it was back at full force. Caleb tried to ignore it, it was always so hard for him to tell her no.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m properly dressed to meet your mother...” He pointed at his bare chest and at the blood stained pile of his clothes on the floor.

Jester looked him up and down, like it was the first time she noticed his half-naked state, then she smirked. “I was enjoying the view, actually.” Caleb felt his face grow warm and he avoided her eyes. “But I can get you some clothes. Bluud probably has some! I’ll be right back!”

She jumped out of bed and ran out of the room, her bare feet silent against the wood floors, but her voice loud enough to echo throughout the entire Chateau, as she called out for Bluud. She returned soon after with a pile of clothes, dark pants and a purple button down shirt that were clearly too big for him.

“Bluud says these don’t fit him anymore, so you can keep them.” She threw the clothes on the bed carelessly and started making for the door again. “I’m going to talk to Mama. Her room is right next door, okay? Come over when you’re done.”

Jester walked out and then stopped dead on her tracks. Caleb looked on with concern, he hadn’t moved since she’d left. But all she did was turn back around and jump back in bed to hug him one more time.

“What is this for?” He asked, hugging her back and laughing despite himself.

“Making up for the time you were gone. I reaaally really missed you, Cayleb!” She put her head against his chest and his heart skipped a beat. He wondered if she could hear it. “I also wanted to do this one more time, before you put a shirt on again.”

She grinned and Caleb almost choked, his entire neck and chest were red now. “Are you taking advantage of me, Lavorre?”

“You didn’t think I was going to heal you for free, did you?” She laughed, slowly letting him go. “Aright, I’m actually leaving now. Unless you need help getting dressed...?”

“Go, Blueberry!” He couldn’t help but smile like an idiot, as she walked away. “I won’t take long I swear.”

He made quick work of the clothes. The shirt was comically large, but the pants were just long enough and, although quite loose on his thighs and calves, fit almost perfectly around the waist. He took his belt out of his blood stained pants and adjusted his new ones, then he tucked his enormous shirt in, trying to keep most of the excess fabric hidden behind his back.

When he was done he looked himself over in Jester’s full length mirror. He almost looked normal, if you stare for too long. He wished he could put his coat over it all, but his old travel companion was ruined beyond repair. He tucked his bloodied clothing in his travel sack and ran his hands through his hair to try and get the tangles out.

Even though he had met Marion Lavorre before, he was still nervous. She was an imposing figure, gorgeous like her daughter, but in an almost intimidating way. And, although she had seemed to like him in his past life, she had not met him as her daughter’s significant other. Would she give him the same speech she had given Fjord, about keeping her safe? Or would she see right through him, right to his rotten core?

Caleb knew he could be charming when he wanted to, it was something he’d taken advantage of a lot in his youth, but this woman read people for a living, she discovered their hidden desires and made them come true. When she looked at him, would she see fire?

Silencing his thoughts, Caleb walked out of the room and into the hallway. Marion’s door was far larger and more imposing than Jester’s, it was made out of slabs of dark reddish wood and in its center panel there was a carved scene of naked nymphs bathing in a stream. Caleb didn’t immediately knock, he stood there for a moment, listening to the muffled sound of the two women’s accented voices and their soft laughter, and gathering up the nerve to announce his presence.

There was something that kept bothering him, however. A nagging feeling of anxiety that he couldn’t shake but also couldn’t seem to find the source of. As he looked at the tiny wooden nymphs and spotted one with short hair and a boyish figure, he realized what it was. Astrid.

Since returning to Nicodranas, Caleb had expected to hear her voice in his head, shouting madly, or maybe raving happily about his little trip to Ballenhall and how close she was to finding him now. But so far, nothing, only silence and his own intrusive thoughts. It was concerning. He was sure she had been made aware of his presence within the Empire, so why wouldn’t she message him? Had she not fallen for his trick? Or was she too busy searching for him in Ballenhall to worry about petty threats? He didn’t dare think for a second she hadn’t said anything because she had lost interest in him, that would be ridiculously naive of him.

He decided to take no news as good news. She was probably busy with searches, nothing more. His paranoid mind always came up with the worst outcomes for every situation and being aware of the possibilities kept him safe, but it didn’t mean those result would always be true. Besides, he was leaving soon, wasn’t he? In a couple of hours it wouldn’t matter if she still suspected he was in the Coast.

Taking a deep breath, he raised his first and knocked two times. The conversation inside stopped.

“Come iiiiinnnnn!” Jester called out.

He pushed the door open and took a single step inside, closing the door behind him. Caleb didn’t know what he had expected the most famous courtesan in the world’s room to look like, but what he saw certainly fit his expectations. The room was far larger than Jester’s, possibly twice the size, and every inch of it was covered in luxury, from the exotic colorful rugs, to the murals painted on the walls and the massive four post bed in its center, the dark wood headboard encrusted with multicoloured jewels and the mattress covered with plush furs and embroidered pillows.

At the furthest corner of the room, by the balcony, the Ruby of the Sea was sitting on a burgundy velvet settee, her daughter laying with her head on her lap. As soon as he walked in, Jester got up and ran to him, looping her arm through his and dragging him closer to her mother.

“Mama, this is Cayleb, my boyfriend!” She said, grinning from ear to ear.

Marion got up to greet him, her long purple dress dragging on the floor, the intricate bead work rustling as she moved.

“Caleb, it’s wonderful to meet you. My daughter has told me so much about you!” Her smile was warm but it did not quite reach her eyes. She stretched her hand out to shake his and Caleb decided to take a page out of Fjord’s book and kiss it. Back when Fjord had done it, Marion seemed delighted, but with Caleb she just continued to stare at him in her wise, motherly way.

“It’s great to finally meet you as well, Miss Lavorre. I see where Jester gets her beauty from.” He said.

“My daughter was right, you are quite a charmer, Mr. Widogast.” She turned to Jester, who was positively beaming, squeezing his arm almost hard enough to hurt. “My Sapphire, will you go grab us some food from the kitchen? It’s time for lunch and I’m sure you and Caleb haven’t had anything to eat today.”

Jester nodded and quickly left the room, mumbling something about pastries. When it was just the two of them, Marion left her smile fall and sat back in her settee.

“Forgive my apprehension but it is the first time my Jester brings a suitor to meet me. I’m afraid it may be a little cliche but, as a mother, I feel it is my duty to ask you, what are your intentions with my daughter?”

Caleb cleared his throat and crossed his arms behind his back because he didn’t know what else to do with his hands. Every inch of his body seemed to shake with nervous energy and he was sure she could tell.

“Jester... Miss Lavorre, I don’t need to tell you how amazing your daughter is, you already know. She’s radiant, like a star, and you can’t help but be caught in her orbit because when she shines down on you it makes everything in your life better. She makes my life better.” Marion smiled again but this time it seemed more real. “I just want to do the same for her, if I can. I want to make sure she’s happy and safe and as luminescent as ever.”

“Yes, the matter of her safety is very important to me. Tell me, what do you do for a living?” She asked.

“I’m... a student of the arcane arts.” He said.

“The scholarly type?” She laughed. “Please, Mr. Widogast, I saw the state you were in when Jester brought you inside. Don’t play coy, you’re no researcher. But you’re clearly a wizard of some sort and by your accent I can tell you’re from the Empire. Do you work for the Cerberus Assembly?”

Caleb felt his blood run cold.

“No...” He said in a whisper of voice.

“Not anymore?” She said cleverly.

Caleb nodded. “How did you...?”

“ Jester told me you mentioned it. I have clients from all walks of life, Mr. Widogast. I’m very aware of the Assembly’s existence and their work.” She winced slightly as she said it, as if remembering something deeply unpleasant.

Caleb tried not to let his surprise show too much. The Assembly always tried to mask their darker side, to put on a glossy facade of patriotism and academic curiosity to those that were even aware of its existence. For Marion to know of it at all was proof of how well connected the courtesan truly was, but for her to be aware of the Assembly’s true nature... She must have had an intimate connection with someone on the inside. He saved that information for later. He didn’t want to get Jester or Miss Lavorre involved in his problems, but this client could provide him with the means to finally get to Ikithon and do what he had promised to do all those years ago.

If Ikithon was dead, maybe he could stay. Maybe if he cut out the origin of the rot inside him, he could be good, truly good. Good enough for Jester. Maybe then he could allow himself to be happy...

He didn’t let his thoughts linger on that for too long. Hope was a dangerous drug to get hooked on.

“Were they the ones who attacked you?” The Ruby asked.

“ _Ja_...” He said softly.

Marion got up and put a hand on his shoulder. There was nothing cold about her smile anymore. “I want you to know your honesty is appreciated. I’m glad you’re no longer a part of the Assembly. The fact they’re trying to hurt you says volumes about your character, at least to me. But I need you to promise me you’ll keep Jester safe from all of that.”

“Of course! I would never let her get involved in something like that.”

To his surprise, she hugged him, patting his head soothingly like only a mother could.“Wonderful! That’s all I needed to hear. I just want to make sure she’s safe and happy. And you do make her happy, Caleb!”

“Thank you, Miss Lavorre! That means a lot to me...”

“Call me Marion, sweetheart! You’re practically part of the family now!” She pulled away, still smoothing his hair down. “But remember, if you ever hurt Jester, I’ll make sure you pay... You know not the vengeance I will bring upon you and the army of men, women and in between that will do what I tell them to do.”

Caleb swallowed hard. It was not the first time he heard these words, but to have them directed specifically towards him felt different.  

He looked for more words of reassurance he could give the mother, but before he could say them Jester burst in with a platter of fresh pastries and fruits.

“You two seem to be getting along!” She said, smiling cheekily. “I told you you’d like him, Mama.”

“You were right, he has my approval.” Marion laughed. “You got yourself such a polite young man, my sweet. Handsome too.”

As they sat down to eat, both women looking him over with twin mischievous smiles, Caleb felt a deep blush start to creep up his neck again. They sat together for a couple of hours, eating and making small talk about Nicodranas and Jester’s childhood, all the stiffness and nervousness that had been there before gone.

Caleb could swear he had never seen Jester so happy. She doted on him, making sure he tried all of her favourite pastries and taking every chance she could to touch his hand or brush back his hair. After a while, it felt almost familiar, the touching, the smiling. It was a version of normalcy he had never experienced before but that he always wanted.

It was almost painful for him to get up and announce he was leaving after their meal was done. Jester looked confused but also hurt, it made his heart ache. He would only be gone for a couple of hours, he didn’t know how he’d be able to take it when he had to tell her goodbye for good.

“I’ve wasted enough of your time with your mother, Blueberry. Please continue your birthday traditions, I want you to have a wonderful day!” He told her, cupping her cheek gently. “I’ll be back in the evening to pick you up, alright?”

She cheered up at that, her eye shinning with relief now that she knew he wasn’t leaving Nicodranas again. “Are you taking me on an adventure?”

He winked at her. “I told you we were going to celebrate, didn’t I?”


	14. Chapter 14

The first thing he did was look for new clothes. He didn’t have a lot of money but he wanted to look nice for his evening out with Jester.

He missed his Xhorhassian outfit. He could distinctly remember Jester saying he looked very handsome when he had first gotten it. At the time, he had dismissed it as merely politeness, or maybe friendly teasing, but now he wondered if there had been more behind those words...

Not that it mattered anymore, that Jester and her opinion of him did not exist in his current reality. Still, he cared. Because that was the Jester he had first fallen for, the one that was not bright because she was untouched by darkness, but the one that surrounded by the overwhelming dark and still shone despite it.

Nicodranas didn’t have any Xhorhassian fashion but he did find a lovely purple coat with gold detailing in the market. He also got a new shirt that actually fit him, but he kept Bludd’s pants.

 His next task was more complicated, he needed to find a present for Jester. Flowers and sweets were not enough for the occasion, he wanted to give her something special, memorable. He wandered through the market, Frumpkin (who apparently missed him so much during his trip that he refused to leave his side) wrapped around his neck, going from colorful stall to stall. Nothing seemed good enough.

Then he saw a little store, hidden in one of the side streets, if it wasn’t for the slightly faded green sign up front, Caleb would not have noticed it at all. _The Treasure Trove,_ the sign said in swirly golden letters. Caleb walked up to the door, the storefront looked old and dusty, the paint starting to chip. Although he was pretty sure the store was not only closed, but abandoned, he tried pushing the door open. Nothing.

Slightly disappointed but not surprised, Caleb started to walk away when he noticed another sign under a bell with a long rope attached, it said _pull me._ He was sure it would be no use, but he reached for the rope and rang the bell anyway. It sounded out, loud and far clearer than he expected a rusty old bell to be. The door creaked open on its own.

 Hesitantly, Caleb stepped in, using Frumpkin’s eyes as his own. The store was dark and smelled slightly like humidity and dust.

“ _Hallo?”_  He called out, trying not to knock into anything as he walked blindly.

Suddenly, a light went on in the back of the store and an Elf with a long black beard and a bald head walked in, holding an oil lamp. He snapped his finger and Frumpkin was gone.

“A new customer, how exciting!” He said, he had a thick foreign accent Caleb had never heard before and his smile was incredibly large. “My name is Tor’hund, welcome to my Treasure Trove!” He opened his eyes and twirled around, pointing at the stacks of strange objects pilled around the room. The light of his lantern seemed to slowly grow until the entire store was illuminated. “How did you find my store?”

“Just saw the sign outside and decided to give it a shot.” He said, looking around.

“Odd, most people tend to not see my store. Which is the point, really. I’ve payed quite a large sum to make sure it is hidden away from common eyes... You must have a keen eye for the arcane!” The elf put his lamp down on a table and started whipping the dust off of a glass display with his robe’s sleeve.

“You don’t want to have customers?” Caleb asked, a little confused.

“Oh dear sir, I have plenty of customers! But they usually come by word of mouth and know where to look. You see, I deal in magical objects and some of them are... frowned upon by the Clovis Concord...”

“I can assure you, my lips are sealed, Mr. Tor’hund. I understand the value of discretion.” He said.

“Wonderful!” He clapped his hands happily, his smile impossibly large. “So, what can I do for you? Are you interested in any magic paraphernalia?”

Caleb walked up to the display he was cleaning. It had a suit of scale armor that seemed to change color with the light, almost disappearing into the wall behind it.

“Perhaps. I’m looking for a gift.”

“For... your special someone?” He asked. Caleb nodded. “Fantastic! I won’t show you the cursed objects then. That saves us quite a bit of time...”

Caleb wondered if he was joking but, although the merchant was still smiling, his general demeanor and the extra security measures told him that no, he probably wasn’t. Tor’hund guided him to another corner of the store, where a large wooden table held an assortment of beautiful bags and boxes.

“This is my jewelry section, it tends to be a favourite among those who are shopping for loved ones. Please don’t touch anything!” He said, as Caleb began to reach for a white box. “Some of these are, indeed, cursed...”

Caleb crossed his arms over his chest, in an effort not to give into temptation, still the white box called to him. Tor’hund reached out and lifted the lid with a single finger, careful not to touch what was inside. When the light hit it, Caleb saw a ring with a large dark stone, surrounded strands of diamonds, almost like a many legged spider. It was beautiful, but there was something clearly wrong about it, particularly the main stone, which seamed to swirl with different colors, striking silvers and enticing purples, as you stared at it. Tor’hund dropped the lid, closing the box with a loud thud.

“ _That_ is one of the few remaining signets of Lolth. While not exactly cursed, it is known to provoke bouts of madness and delusion, not only to the wearer, but those around them as well.”

Caleb shuddered, he was infinitely glad he had not touched it. He suddenly remembered Fjords impulsiveness, touching red buttons and getting them into dragon fights, and was sure if the warlock was there he would have grabbed the ring. The fond memory hit him like a ton of bricks, reminding him that no matter what he managed to save in this reality, he would always be missing the parts he actually like about his old timeline, like his friends... his found family. And if he really had to leave Jester after tonight, what did he have to live for in this reality...?

The seller’s voice snapped him out of his reverie. He would have time to consider all of that on his way out of Nicodranas, now he needed to find a gift for Jester, that’s what mattered most.

“Let me show you something more... benign, my friend.” He opened a green silk bag and took out a diadem. “Is your lover the studious type? This diadem will increase their intelligence.”

He considered it for a second, then shook his head. It was a gorgeous piece and the effects were definitely interesting, but it was not what Jester would want. Beauregard might have enjoyed it, even if the design was a little more feminine than the monk usually liked.

Tor’hund showed him a bracelet that augmented strength and a ring that changed your features. They were all lovely, but not quite right. He wanted something that she would not only love, but remember him by...

 He was about to give up when he spotted a half open box with a necklace gleaming in shades of orange and red, mixed with veins of sapphire blue.

“What about that one?” He said, pointing at the box.

“Ah, yes! Like I said, you have a good eye, sir!” He took the necklace out and showed it off in the palm of his hand. It was a delicate silver chain with a crystal pendant that looked like molten lava, moving against a stream of crystalline water. It looked like the loose strands of his hair, laying over her shoulder as she slept, that morning. It looked like the two of them, connected no matter what time or space kept them apart. “This is a remembrance stone, you can record a message that will be repeated every time the wearer puts it on.”

  _Perfekt_.

“At this moment, it has a message already recorded...” Tor’hund muttered, putting the necklace around his own neck. A shrill female voice echoed loudly throughout the room, saying ‘ _I should have stabbed you in your sleep! Hope the next one does, bitch!’._ The seller tittered awkwardly. “Apparently the last owner’s relationship didn’t end well... _But_ I do have the spell necessary to change it, don’t you worry!”

“I’ll take it!” Caleb said immediately, a bit overly eager.

Tor’hund’s large smile widened even more, like a shark smelling blood in the water. Caleb know he was going to overcharge him and almost cursed himself for his naive behaviour. “Fantastic! That will be 50 gold, please!”

He smirked, he was not going down without a fight. Or, at least, a little haggling. “That’s ridiculous. It’s a magical trinket. I doesn’t even have any battle applications. I’ll buy it for 25, 30 if you throw in a health potion.”

It took a little back and forward but, in the end, he got the necklace and two potions. At a point, he tried to see if he could get a book out of the deal too, but Thor’hund didn’t sell any, which was disappointing. When asked why, the seller told him something vague about a book deal gone wrong that had almost gotten him arrested a couple of years ago. Caleb let it go, it was always the best approach with these shady types.

After the gold was exchanged, the merchant disappeared into the back of the store and returned with a piece of old paper, blue chalk and a small dagger. Under his instruction, Caleb drew a sygil on the store’s wooden floor and cut his palm open, letting the blood drip over the stone while he recited arcane phrases. The pendant lit up, ready for his words.

He lifted the jewel up to his lips and whispered. “Jester... _Ich liebe dich_.”

“Awww, that was sweet.” Tor’hund said from across the room.

“Do you speak Zemnian?” Caleb asked, wiping his blood from the necklace and putting it back in its box.

“No.” The seller shrugged. “But you’re giving it to a lover, so it had to have been sweet. Unless it was spicy... Don’t worry, my Zemnian friend, I’ll keep your spicy secrets. I couldn’t repeat them if i wanted to, anyway...”

Rolling his eyes, Caleb left the store. He had a feeling Jester and Tor’hund would have gotten along really well.

 

*

 

Night had fallen by the time he got back to the Lavish Chateau. He did not sneak up to her window, like usual. No, this time he walked right through the front door. Bluud let him in but told him to wait in the Chateau’s bar, still empty due to the early hour. Apparently, Jester had told him to not let Caleb up the stairs because she wanted to make a grand entrance.  

And she definitely did. As soon as she showed up at the top of the stairwell, Caleb felt all breath leave his body.

She was stunning, in a frilly white dress, matching bows hanging from her horns and her makeup done in sparkly purple tones. But what really took his breath away was her hair, she had cut it into a chin length fringed bob. She looked just like when Caleb had first met her, in the tavern in Trostenwald.

“Wow... you look...I have no words, _Liebling_.” He said as she made her way towards him, her mother watching from atop the stairs.

“Do you like it?” She said, smiling shyly and running her fingers through her, now much shorter, waves. “Mama helped me cut it.”

“It’s perfect. You look like a princess...” He stuttered, reaching out to brush her cheek. In truth, she always did, no matter what she was wearing. Even tired and sweaty and covered in blood and bruises after a fight, she still looked as beautiful as any storybook princess to him. He had told her that once, mumbling it under his breath in a moment of weakness. If she heard the compliment then, she had not let it show.

This Jester, however, blushed at his words, her cheeks matching her perfectly painted lips. Caleb wanted to kiss her right there, but Marion was still watching from above.

“Are you ready to go, Blueberry?” He asked, looping her arm through his.

She nodded. “Bye, Mama! Have a good night!” She called back, looking over her shoulder.

“You too, my Sapphire. Keep her safe and bring her back home early, Caleb.” Marion said with a wink.

As they made their way out, Jester leaned into him, curling into his side like she was cold, even though Caleb knew she was resistant to it. He held her close, relishing in the feeling of having her beside him, in a way he had only dreamed about before. For once, he allowed himself to relax, to shut off his brain and just enjoy what was happening. With a content sigh, he leaned down and kissed her head, between her curling horns.

“I like your new jacket! You look reeeeally good in purple!” Jester said.

“You told me once that purple ‘would look very pretty with my hair and my eyes’. I think it was the first time you complimented my looks... It was probably why I got that Xhorhasian jacket.” He said.

“Xhorhasian? You mean this jacket? I don’t remember telling you that...”

 _Sheisse_...

Well, he clearly couldn’t let himself relax, when he didn’t have a firm grip on his thoughts his mouth always found a way to get him in trouble.

“Nevermind, it was probably a dream, another lifetime... My brain is still a little off from what happened today.” He tried to act nonchalant, but Jester’s perceptive eyes didn’t look convinced. She seemed to let it go, however.

“Do you think we would have met in another lifetime?” She asked.

“ _Ja,_ I have no doubt about it. No matter where we are in time and space, I think we’ll always find a way back to each other.”

 _Yes,_  the angry voice in his brain provided, _you’ll always find her and make promises and leave. You’ll always brake her heart. Do you remember how you promised her you’d be there in the morning? How you wiped her tears and lied to her face, before disappearing from her reality? You’re no better than her father. You don’t deserve her, any version of her._

He agreed, he always agreed with the vicious little voice inside. He told himself he was leaving for her own good, that she was better off without him. But what if that was not true? He had lied and left for his own selfish reasons before, maybe he was just doing it again. Because, if he was being honest, he could stay, and try to be a better man for her, try to fight against the darkness that beckoned. Leaving was the easy way out.

“I didn’t know you were such a hopeless romantic, Cayleb!” She told him, wiggling her eyebrows and that adorable way that never failed to make him smile. Even when he was at his lowest.

“I wasn’t before you.” He whispered back.

He knew at that point that he couldn’t leave. With her by his side, her smile illuminating his way, even the darkest voices in his head went quiet. She was his everything, his beacon in the dark, his way home when he was lost, his will to go on when things seemed so impossibly hopeless. She was his _fire_.

Only a fool would give up something like that. Caleb knew he was a bad man, he was selfish and cold and calculating, but he wasn’t a fool.

He was staying and he was fighting, _for her_. He was going to find a way to get to Ikithon and finally kill him. Hell, he’d burn down the entire Assembly if it was necessary. He’d do it all to keep her and her heart safe.

“You bring out the best in me, _Liebing_.” He said, squeezing her hand softly. “Come on, we’re almost there.”

“Where?” She asked. “You didn’t tell me where we were going.”

“Oh, I didn’t? We’re going dancing, Blueberry!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a SHOPPING EPISODE XD everybody loves those, right? Don't worry, we'll be back to the usual mix of fluff and sadness in the next chapter ;) 
> 
> Kudos and Comments are always apreciated! xoxo


	15. Chapter 15

 It was the merchant who sold him his new jacket that told him about the place. It was called the Tide’s Peak and it was technically just a tavern, maybe a little more upscale than most, but nothing like the Chateau. It apparently had decent food and drinks, but what it was actually known for was the entertainment. The tavern was built on top of a cliff and the back of the building let out to a large stone courtyard, that overlooked the bay. Every weekend, the owner hired a full band and turned the space into a dance hall.

Even though she lived in Nicodranas her entire life, Jester had never heard of the place, she rarely got to leave the Chateau and never at night. But she clearly loved the idea of going dancing.

“Wait... you know how to dance?” She asked him when he told her where they were going.

“ _Ja_.” He laughed. “Is that so hard to believe?”

“Noooo, just surprising! Did your mother teach you?”

Caleb straightened his spine, he felt his entire body go stiff at the question but he tried not to let it show on his face. As a farmer, his mother didn’t know all the fancy Empire dances he was learning in Rexxentrum, but she used to love to watch him practice at home, sometimes even volunteering to be his dance partner. The last time they had danced was a month before the fire, the last time he had visited his parents before Ikithon made him think they were traitors. Even in this timeline, there had been no more dancing after that night.

“ _Nein._ We had dancing lessons at school.”

“That sounds so fun! I learned the basics from Mama, then she got me a dance instructor. It was just me and him, though, I never got to dance with anybody else...” She sighed. “Were you always stepping on your friends’ toes?”

“Surprisingly, no.” He said. “I was pretty coordinated for such a gangly child.”

“Really? I used to step on my instructor’s feet all the time! I broke one of his toes once and he quit, but Mama payed him extra so he eventually returned... I got a lot better since, though! Don’t worry!”

Caleb laughed. He knew she was incredibly graceful now but he could see how a clumsy child with her natural strength could have been a great source of trouble. “I trust you, _Liebling_.”

They made their way inside and got a table, close to the door that lead to the exterior dancing area. It was relatively early, so the band wasn’t playing yet, although there were already small groups of dancers waiting outside. Caleb ordered food for the two of them, the stew since it had been recommended by the barmaid. Jester, however, frowned at the suggestion.

“Don’t get me wrong, it sounds delicious! But I have this rule on my birthday where my Mama usually lets me just eat sweets all day... Do you have any pastries?”

 Caleb shook his head, smiling to himself. It was such a Jester thing to do. He remembered Beauregard once saying she was worried about Jester’s eating habits. That was before Caduceus, though, he had taught her to like vegetables. He wondered if they would argue with her if they were there, or if they would just let her eat whatever she wanted for her birthday. Caleb, for one, was not going to argue.

“Not a great selection... just some plum cakes from Port Damali. Will that do?” The barmaid asked. Jester nodded enthusiastically. “Aaaalright! And what would you like to drink?”

“I’ll have some ale, please.” Caleb said.

“Oh, me too!” Jester added. Caleb frowned. “What? I never tried it! And I’m an adult now so I should, right?”

“Alright, Blueberry, if that’s what you want... But can we please have a glass of milk, as well? With chocolate, if you have it.”

 Their food and drinks arrived soon after and Jester took a small, experimental sip of the ale, only to scrunch up her face in disgust and push her tankard towards Caleb.

“Why do people like this? It tastes like it’s gone bad!” She said, reaching for the chocolate milk instead and taking a deep, satisfied sip.

“Most people don’t drink it for the taste.” He laughed, drinking from her discarded tankard.

“I always thought people drank too much because it tasted really good, this is just disappointing! I don’t even get why people like to get drunk... they act like dummies for fun, but when I pull a prank on them they get upset!” She took a bite of one of the plum cakes, they were rounded balls of fried dough with a pale purple cream on the inside and powdered sugar on top. Caleb found them way too sweet but Jester seemed to like them.

“There are some upsides to inebriation... You get to forget your troubles for a little bit, it makes you feel warm and happy and like you’re free to do and say whatever you want. It’s nice. For a while, at least.”

Jester stuck her tongue out at him. “But I already feel like that all the time! At least when I’m with you...”

“ _Liebe_...” He whispered sweetly, reaching out to lace their fingers together across the table.

He always loved how easy it was for her to just say what she thought, to put her feelings and his into words in a way he simply couldn’t. There were no words in all the languages he knew that he could put together to express those feelings, but she could, in her own wonderful way.

Love drunk, that’s how he had always felt around her, since Trostenwald. Love drunk whenever she said his name, or smiled at him, or touched him in the smallest of ways. And then hungover from the desperate pinning, and the worry that she would find out about his parents, and the regret every time he did or said something that dimmed her smile. She was so inebriating he hadn’t even gotten drunk since the night he’d first messaged her.

 He was going to attempt to tell her all that, at least the parts that made sense to this version of her, when the band outside started playing their first song of the evening. It was a waltz.

“Can we go dance? Like, right now? I’m sooo good at the waltz!” She said, jumping up from her seat, dragging him along by the hand. Her eyes were bright with excitement and almost as wide as her smile.

“Of course.” Caleb got up and bowed dramatically, like he had been taught to in school. “Miss Lavorre, may I have this dance?”

“Duuh! I mean... why yes, kind sir!” She giggled, courtesying in her ruffly white dress.

They walked outside, hand in hand. The stone courtyard was now full of dancing couples, twirling in colorful fabrics under the light of hundreds of floating globes of light. Caleb put his free hand on Jester’s upper back and pulled her into the center of the dance floor, the two of them easily falling into rhythm. It felt familiar, their steps perfectly in sync, the gentle weight of her hand on his arm, the feel of her body against his palm. Just like in Hupperdook, except so much better, because he wasn’t drunk and sloppy and he was perfectly aware of who he was dancing with. No other memories came to mind, no other name spilled from his lips, it was just him and Jester and the future that laid ahead of them.

Caleb spun her around, letting Jester twirl in front of him like a tornado of white and blue and rainbow glitter, giggling with giddy excitement before returning to his arms. Then he put his hands on her waist, attempting to lift her even thought he knew he wasn’t strong enough. She effortlessly leaped up, making up for his lack of strength. It almost looked like a proper lift, if you weren’t looking too closely. Which nobody was. The rest of the dancers were also lost in their own world of joyous movement, most of them clearly lovers of dance but far less trained than Caleb or Jester. Some had drifted off into their own versions of the waltz, others had started doing a simple slow dance.

Foregoing proper dance form, Caleb let his hands stay on Jester’s waist and pulled her closer, so they were chest to chest. She was so small in his arms, but so strong, so solid. She had held him in Hupperdook, carried him through the dance and dragged him to bed. That’s what she always did, she kept them up, all of the Mighty Nein, even when she didn’t have the healing spells to help them, she kept their spirits up. He hoped he could do the same for her, one day.

“I don’t remember the waltz being this... cozy.” She said, even as she laid her head against his chest.

“I can step back if you want...” He said, with no intention to follow through.

“Don’t you dare!” Her hands slid up his arms to wrap around his neck, her slightly chilly fingers making him shiver as she toyed with the hair at his nape. “This is perfect.”

“Does that mean you’re happy with your birthday date?” He asked, as they continued to sway.

She looked up at him, lids lowered, lips quirked in a small smile. “So happy!”

This time, Caleb did not hesitate, he did not overthink things or question his own actions. He knew he loved her and he knew he would stay beside her, nothing else mattered. Leaning down, he kissed her, his lips finding hers halfway. They were as soft as he remembered from his fake heart-attack incident, but warm and willing, moving against his.

It had been so long since he’d kissed someone, yet his body had no trouble remembering how to hold her tight and how to part her lips to taste her, sweet and sugary and familiar. Her hands tightened in his hair and she gasped sweetly, his name leaving her lips like a prayer. To say it was everything he had dreamed of would be an understatement. He’d never had a kiss this sweet, this pure, there was no reference for him to follow when he pictured finally having the courage to show Jester how he felt.

Kissing Astrid had always been bitter-sweet, her caresses were either brought forth from a desperate need for comfort, or came with a price, a favour she would call upon, sooner or later. Even in their tenderest moments, when the boy that used to call himself Bren thought they were in love, she had always been fast and sharp and aggressive in her passion. Nothing could have prepared him for Jester’s sweetness, the way she leaned in and followed his lead and _gave_ so much of herself with every touch.

He pulled away when another couple bumped against them, kissing both her cheeks and the tip of her nose lightly before stepping back.

“Want to get out of here?” He said, a little breathless.

She nodded, smiling radiantly up at him. He would have done everything, given everything she asked him, in that moment. It was frightening and beautiful to have someone with that amount of power over you. He’d never been a man of faith but he suspected it was similar to the worship clerics felt for their Gods, he couldn’t imagine a deeper amount of devotion being possible. The best part was that he knew she would never use that against him, never abuse his trust. The amount of emotional safety she provided him was priceless, it was a gift he would treasure forever. Just like that kiss, their first kiss, _her_  first kiss.

Hand in hand, they made their way through the crowd of dancers to a set of stairs the went down the cliff, connecting the courtyard to the beach bellow. Jester took off her shoes and ran in the damp sand, laughing madly. Caleb tried to chase her, knowing that every time he got close was because she allowed him to. Sometimes, she would almost let him grab her, before she ran away, kissing him quick before she snuck under his arms and evaded him once again.

It worked, until Caleb memorized her pattern and turned swiftly around, tackling her into the sand. They fell in a heap, laughing as Jester flipped them around so she was straddling his lap, her tail swaying mischievously as she bent down to kiss him over and over again.

“You know, I’ve been waiting to do this since our first date.” She said.

“Why didn’t you?” He asked, wondering if the Jester from his timeline had also thought about it at some point and just never acted on it. He’d certainly seen her do that with Fjord...

“I was waiting for you to make the first move...I wasn’t sure if you really reaaaally liked me...” She muttered, biting her lip, her cheeks reddening in the moonlight.

“That’s ridiculous!” He pushed her short hair behind her ear tenderly, letting his fingers linger on her cheek. “Wasn’t I obvious?”

“You’re harder to read than you think, Mr. Widogast.” She leaned into his touch, her eyes closing for a bit. “But that’s okay, it was worth the wait. You’re, like, a super good kisser.”

Caleb laughed. “Do you have a lot of other kissers to compare me to?” He asked, already aware of the answer.

“No...” She kissed up the column of his neck, up to his jaw, forcing a strangled moan out of him. He wasn’t the only good kisser between them, Jester was a very fast learner. “But I know what I like, and I like kissing you, a lot!”

“Does it feel like they say in your books?”

“Better! It feels right...” Caleb reached up and kissed her again, slowly this time, tasting every bit of her.

“I have a birthday gift for you. Something that will hopefully stop you from ever questioning how I feel again.” Sitting up, he got the box from his coat pocket and presented it to her, lifting the lid slowly to see her reaction. “Happy birthday, Jester!”

Her eyes widened, her mouth curving in a small _o_  of surprise. “Oh Cayleb, it’s so beautiful!” She touched the stone with the tips of her fingers. “Put it on me?”

She turned around and reached back to lift her hair out of habit, since her new haircut left most of her neck bare. As soon as Caleb closed the clasp and let the pendant touch her skin, his own voice echoed out in the quiet night air.

“Jester... _Ich liebe dich_.”

She gasped softly. “It’s your voice!”

“ _Ja._ ” He whispered in her ear, kissing the nape of her neck. “It has a recorded message that will play every time you put it on.”

She looked at him over her shoulder, one eyebrow raised. “You know I don’t understand Zemnian. What does it mean?”

“It means... It means _I love you, Jester_.” He whispered.

Her eyes filled with glistening unshed tears, her smile wavering as her bottom lip began to tremble. Caleb froze, starting to panic, wondering what he had done wrong. But then she quickly turned back around and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his neck.

“I love you too... I love you so much, Cayleb!” She said in a shaky voice, her tears soaking into his shirt.

Caleb sighed with relief, rubbing her back in soothing circles. “Then why are you crying, Blueberry?”

“Everything is just too perfect tonight, I’m afraid it’ll all go away in the morning. I’m afraid things will go wrong and you’ll leave or get hurt or...” She hiccuped, new tears making their way down her face.

“Don’t worry, _mein Leibe_.” He whispered. The promised he had made himself solidifying as he spoke it out loud. “I promise I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be here when the sun comes up and, if anything goes wrong, we’ll face it together.”

“Okay...” She said, whipping her face as she pulled away.

“No more tears?” He asked.

“No more tears.” She said with a small smile. “Come, I want to show you something.”

He followed her through the beach as they made their way to the other side of the bay, closer to where the Chateau was. Hidden away, in a part of the beach that could only accessed during low tide, was a small cave. Jester told him it was the only place, other than the Chateau, her mother felt safe in. She said it was the place where she used to meet up with her dad, away from the prying eyes of her other clientele. When Jester was little, they used to go there so she could learn to swim or play in the sand. The visits go more and more sparse as time went on and the Ruby became less and less trusting of the outside world, but Jester still snuck out to see the cave, from time to time.

They sat down at the mouth of the cave, using Caleb’s jacket as a blanket and just watched the stars for a while. Caleb taught her about all the different constellations and she told him what she thought they actually looked like. Sometimes she would say something too adorable to ignore and he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her, sometimes she kissed him mid-sentence, just because she could.

Eventually, she fell asleep, her head on his shoulder, her breath so soft it was drowned out by the crashing of the waves. Caleb laid back, letting her rest on his chest and covered her with the edge of the jacket. He watched her for what could have been minutes or hours, reliving every second of that evening - the sound of her loving words, the feel of her soft lips on his - until his own lids became heavy and he let himself finally rest, curled up next to the woman he loved. He didn’t feel the cold, hard stone floor beneath them, or the chill of the wind howling outside, or the dampness of sea breeze, just the soft press of her body next to his. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Caleb went to sleep feeling truly happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooow it's finally here! After 15 chapters of trauma and pinning, I finally wrote the kiss! Was it worth the wait for you too? XD  
> We're at the finish line here folks, 2/3 more chapters and it's a wrap, I hope you're still enjoying it!  
> Kudos and comments are always apreciated <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaack!   
> Well this took a while, because it's both long and pretty heavy. (I didn't want to write something this heavy during the hollidays so here we are a month later...) Before we start, a little warning... Remember when you first found this fic and didn't see any warnings? I didn't want to spoil anything but now I need to let you know there is a major character death in this scene, along with some canon level violence and some maybe not very accurate DnD spell use. Don't worry, I promise things will work out in the end, though.   
> (Also anything that doesn't match up to the show's current lore is due to the different timeline, like the crystals instead of the tattoos, or Wulf and Astrid's physical appearance)  
> Comments and Kudos are always apreciated! xo

Caleb woke up with a start. Something moved by his feet and, in his half-asleep state, he had thought it was Frumpkin, but he had not called him back from the Feywild. He looked around the cave, hand reaching instinctively for his component pouch. His Human eyes couldn’t see much in the dim moonlight that seeped in, but he could tell there was a large shadow standing just outside the cave.

He cast Dancing Lights, hands poised to send a fireball as soon as he could see his target clearly. As the lights went up, however, they spoke.

“Put it down, Bren. You know I’m not the one you should be worried about.” A deep, male voice said in Zemnian.

The fairy lighting reached him, bathing him in shades of silver and white. If it weren’t for the uniform and the language he spoke, Caleb would have sworn he was speaking to a stranger. Eodwulf was a shadow of his former self. He was still a tall man but not nearly as imposing, his face was gaunt, his hair had gone completely gray and his robes hung off his much thinner frame. Only his eyes remained as he remembered, dark and glassy.

“Is she with you?” Caleb asked, his voice barely a whisper.”Astrid...”

“No. But she’s in town.” He looked at Jester, curled on the floor under Caleb’s jacket. Their voices had not woken her up, she did not even stir. “If you love that one, you better wake her up and run. Astrid’s on the hunt, she’s determined to find you before dawn.”

“Why are you telling me this? Why are you telling me to run? Shouldn’t you be helping your _wife_?” He hissed at his former friend.

Eodwulf sighed, his shoulder’s slumping forward. He looked so tired, so defeated. Caleb remembered that feeling. He wondered how many crystals were embedded in his skin as they spoke, the pain and the blood loss leeching his strength even as the crystals boosted his magical abilities. “I was going to. I was meant to message her if I found you. But then I saw you with your blue friend there... You look happy, Bren. I’m glad you were able to find that... after everything we went through, everything we did...”

Caleb got to his feet slowly, his hands empty but close to the pouch, just in case he needed it. “You were able to see through Ikithon’s manipulation?”

Eodwulf nodded. “Took a couple of years but one day I couldn’t ignore the nightmares anymore... the smell of burning flesh never really leaves you, does it?” The Vollstrecker scratched his arms absentmindedly and Caleb felt a lump in his stomach. In another timeline, their fates could have been opposite, Bren could have remained a part of the Assembly, Eodwulf could have run away. Would that Eodwulf have been able to maintain his sanity? Could he have found happiness? “My folks were not good parents but they didn’t deserve to die like that...”

“Why didn’t you run? When you realized what he had done to us, why did you stay?” He asked.

The taller man sneered. “We can’t all be like you, Bren. I couldn’t live with myself if I left her behind with him.”

“You could have taken her... you could have tried to break her out of it!” There was a time when Caleb had felt so much guilt over the fact that he had left without his friends that he almost wished he had stayed in the asylum. He didn’t know if it was time or the Mighty Nein’s influence, but at a point he realized that, when he got himself out, both in this timeline and in the last, they were in too deep, there was no way he could have saved them then and staying would not have helped anyone. But maybe, if Eodwulf had managed to see through Ikithon’s manipulation, there could have been a way for the two of them to save themselves. “She’s your wife, she loves you, she would have followed you! She still can!” Caleb said with increased desperation, his voice getting high and a little too loud.

Jester stirred, turning her body to the other side of the cave and he held his breath. She didn’t wake.

“Bren...” Eodwulf said, his voice rough. “We are married, yes. But we both know Astrid has only ever loved one man in her life. And it wasn’t you or me...”

“ _Trent._ ” He spit out. The name tasted like ashes on his tongue.

“She will never leave him, mind control or not. All she’s ever wanted was his approval. That and your death.” Eodwulf shook his head. “You need to run, before she gets both and I get to see the last of the girl we grew up with disappear.”

“What... what about you?” He asked.

“I’ll try to delay her, if I can, send her to the other side of town. It won’t work for long, she can track you now... But it’ll hopefully be enough for you to get away.” Caleb frowned at the man who he had once called his best friend, before jealousy and competition had gotten between them. He felt an enormous sense of loss for the innocence they had all shared and for the futures they cold have had. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I’ve experienced her anger before, it always passes. And Trent... there’s nothing he can do to me that he hasn’t done before.”

“Wulf...” Caleb took a step towards the man, hands reaching out for him, before he let his arms fall back down. There was no time for all he wanted to say, to do. “Thank you... I hope I can repay you, someday.”

Eodwulf smiled and his eyes lit up with the same spark that filled them in their youth, when they played hide and seek in the woods together and fought with sticks pretending to be much better men than what they actually became.

“I’ll hold you up to that, brother. Good luck!”

Caleb stood there, hearing his footsteps splashing through the rising tide, as he walked away. When there was nothing but the crashing of waves, he woke Jester up. He shook her shoulder, fear making him a little more forceful than required. She turned to the other side grumbling sleepily.

“Jester, _Liebling_ , please! You need to wake up!” He told her in a loud whisper.

“Whyyyy? It’s not even morning yet...” She whined, rubbing the sleep form her eyes.

Caleb waited for her to sit up, gathering his thoughts.

“We need to leave! We to run, right now!” He said.

“Because of the tide? Don’t worry, it never reaches inside the cave, we’ll be fine.”

“No, _Liebe_. I don’t mean the cave, I mean the city. We need to get away from Nicodranas, away from the coast.” She gave him a confused look, her messy hair tangled in one of her horns. “Remember the people that stabbed me? They’re here to finish what they started.”

“The Assembly people? Why are they even after you?” She asked.

Caleb sighed, he knew this was going to come up, sooner or later. He wished he had told her before, without this wave of panic clouding his mind.

“They are... very bad people, Blueberry. I used to be one of them, when I was younger. I did a lot of bad thing when I was with them, things I regret now... things I’ll never forgive myself for. But, when I left, I became a traitor in their eyes. And, in the Empire, treason means death.”

She got up slowly, fangs worrying at her bottom lip but no judgement in her violet eyes. “Maybe we can fight them? How many are they?”

Caleb shook his head. “ _Nein_. There’s two, maybe three, but they are highly skilled casters. The only thing we can do is run.” He ran his fingers through her hair, gently combing the knots out. “I’m so sorry I’ve gotten you involved in this. Things were never meant to end up this way. I wish I could just go by myself and know you’d be safe at home with your mother but they know about you now. You’re a target too, because of me... I’m so so sorry!”

“Cayleb, it’s okay, this is not your fault, alright?” He started talking again but she interrupted him. “No, you’re not the one who wants us dead, you’re not the one making us leave. This is not your fault! And I would never let you go by yourself, not again. I love you, remember? That means I would not let you face this alone, even if I had the choice. That means we’ll do what it takes, together.” She kissed his cheek, tasting the salt of a stray tear. “If that means running, we’ll run. But I would like to say goodbye to my Mama first...”

“Of course, _Liebling!_ We can go to the Chateau and you can say goodbye and pack some clothing and supplies. But we have to make it quick, okay?”

They gathered their things in a hurry and ran out of the cave, traipsing through water that reached their upped thighs to get to the other side of the beach. Then they ran to the Chateau, Jester rushing up the stairs while he waited at the empty bar, one eye on the door and his components at the ready.

Five minutes passed, six, and Caleb started to worry. He paced around the bar but didn’t go upstairs, she deserved to say a proper goodbye at least. Then there was a noise, a loud crash followed by a scream.

“Jester?” He called out.

For a second, there was just silence and he started climbing up the stairs.

“Just a fallen lamp, dear. Don’t worry about it, we’re packing.” A muffled woman’s voice said. It was a little more nasally than he remembered Marion’s being but he knew both women were crying, he could hear the soft sniffling from bellow.

“Alright... We need to hurry, _Liebling._ ”

A few seconds later Jester ran down the stairs, coming straight for him. She hugged him tightly, burring her face in his chest before standing up on her toes to kiss him. It wasn’t the hug that got to him, he expected her to be emotional and to show it through affection, it was how Jester reacted often. But that kiss, that kiss was wrong. Her lips crashed into his, harder and thinner than he remembered but still familiar somehow. She bit his lip, not a soft nibble but a bit hard enough to draw blood and realization rushed down Caleb’s body like freezing water.

“ _Astrid._ ” He cried out, pushing her forcefully away and wiping at his bleeding lip.

She smiled, a wide, mad grin that was terrifying on Jester’s face, before she slowly let the illusion fall. Bit by bit, she turned into an older version of his teenage sweetheart, short dirty blond hair, pale blue eyes, a jawline as sharp as a knife and a smile just as dangerous. She was wearing the robes of the Assembly, the same she had worn the day she had killed her parents, except they were adorned with all the embroidered runes of the higher members of the Assembly and her arms were equally decorated, set with patterns of embedded crystals of different sizes, more than Caleb had ever seen a single person carry. She wore it all like armor, like a badge of honor, pride shining in her eyes.

“You look good, _Schatz_! What a waste, you’ll be nothing but a pretty corpse soon.” She tilted her head back, calling to those on the upper floor, while keeping her eyes on him. “Bring her down.”

Eodwulf came down the stairs, dragging Jester by her arm, his face maintained carefully neutral. Jester looked terrified, her cheeks stained with tears, mouth moving in a silent scream, a thick iron collar closed firmly around her neck. But it was her dress that made Caleb’s knees weak. Her pretty white dress was covered in deep crimson blood, so much he couldn’t tell if it was hers.

“Jester!” He called out to her, his hands shaking so violently he couldn’t grab the components needed to do anything. “Don’t worry I... _Sheisse_!”

A high pitch laugh came from upstairs and another figure started to descend. Trent Ikithon, as pasty an old as he remembered, that creepy ever present grin of his, that had given him such frequent nightmares as a child, splattered across his face.

“Bren, Bren, Bren! So grown, yet still breaking under pressure, I see.” He said in his nasally, sickeningly sweet tone.

“I swear, if you hurt her, I’ll make sure you burn where you stand, Trent.” He muttered through gritted teeth. “Get that thing off of her!”

“Big words coming from a scared, outnumbered boy, Bren.” He laughed again, crossing his arms behind his back nonchalantly.

“I’m not that person anymore. Bren died in that fire, and your power over me died with him. Take. The collar. Off. Now!”

Astrid gave Ikithon a look and he nodded. Her smile grew wider, delighted. “Do it, Wulf. I want him to hear her scream.” She said, slowly making her way towards the two of them.

Wulf’s face didn’t change, as he reached up and touched on of the crystals embedded on his wrist to the center of the collar. The metal piece split in half and slid from Jester’s neck, falling to the floor with a loud clang. Immediately, the sound of her cries filled the room.

“Cayleb! Cayleb they killed Mama...” She sobbed.

Astrid came up behind her and yanked her head back by one of her horns. Jester cried out in pain and Caleb wanted to run for Astrid and take her down with his own hands.

“Caleb? You haven’t even told her your real name, Bren?” She looked down into Jester’s eyes, disdain and anger lighting up her face. “Did you really give up your destiny for this? A life of honor and glory for shacking up with a pretty little whore’s daughter?”

“Get your hands off her, Astrid! The only thing I gave up was years of brainwashing for my parents’ lives.” He said.

“Funny of you to say that...” She giggled manically. “Aren’t you curious about how we managed to find you so easily, after all these years of failure?” She waited for an answer and when he refused to give her one, she continued her diatribe, hand still gripping Jester’s horn tightly. “It wasn’t very smart of you to go to Ballenhall. There was so much of your blood splattered through the streets I thought I wasn’t going to get the chance to kill you myself! What a shame that would be... But I got to use it in a modified tracking spell and... here we are!” She cast her eyes towards Ikithon, desperately looking for approval. It was a familiar sight and, like always, Ikithon gave her nothing more than a look of mild indifference. “Now, you know how tricky magic can be, don’t you? It’s not a perfect spell, there’s still a lot I have to work on. Because it didn’t bring us here straight away, first it led us to you mother.”

Caleb’s body locked up in fear, icy chills running down his spine as he heard what came out of her mouth next.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, Bren! She was always meant to die by fire, I just did what you didn’t have to nerve to do before. Too bad I couldn’t do the same for your father... But you’ll be glad to know she called for you, at the end.” She smirked and tugged on Jester’s horn one more time, pulling some of her hair with it until the tiefling screamed, cursing her in Infernal.

Caleb couldn’t move, he couldn’t speak. His mind felt like it was breaking again but something wouldn’t let him escape into the darkness of mindlessness, forcing him to live with the pain of what was happening, what he had done. He left his life, his friends, his memories, behind for this new chance at happiness and, in the end, he’d managed to make things even worse. He took this unspoiled timeline of possibility, where his parents were alive and Jester was safe and turned it into a nightmare, simply by existing in it. This was his fault, his fault, all his fault... No matter who had started the flames, he was responsible for the fire.

“Come on, say something _Schatz_!” Astrid egged him on. “I’ve done all of this for you!”

“Astrid, have I taught you nothing? Do you not already know that speeches and threats are for politicians? _Vollstreckers_  do not linger, they merely do what they must.” Ikithon said, his indifference turning to annoyance.

“Yes, Master Ikithon, I apologize.” She said, bowing shortly, all traces of laughter gone. “Wulf, apprehend Bren, we’re taking him to Rexxentrum for his execution. I’ll handle the little blue bitch.”

Like a spark of lightning had gone through him, Caleb snapped out of his trance and grabbed a handful of bat guano from the pouch, turning to face Wulf’s approaching form.

“You’re not taking me anywhere.” He said with more calm than he felt. “You did me a favor before, let me do the same for you now, Wulf. Run, leave them both, they won’t leave this place alive.”

Wulf’s face crumbled with uncertainty, the wrinkles around his eyes and mouth casting stark shadows across his face. His hands shook and, although he didn’t back away, he stopped moving.

Ikithon laughed, the sound high and breathy. “You ridiculous child, do you really think you can take us all? You were gifted once, I’ll give you that, but never enough to beat me. Let alone now, after years of no training. Give up, let us take you without a fight and I promise your little friend wont get hurt.”

He looked at Jester from the corner of his eyes, never truly letting Wulf out of his sight. Astrid had her other hand around her throat now, blunt nails digging into her blue skin as she sobbed quietly. He knew Ikithon was lying, Astrid wanted him to suffer, she would never let Jester live. But maybe, if he could buy her some time, she could find a way to escape...

“Okay, okay! You’re right, I can’t fight you all by myself...” He said, putting the bat guano back in the pouch, but also gripping the lightning charred twig he kept in there. “Let her go, I’ll come quietly.”   

“Cayleb, no!” Jester cried and Astrid dug her nails deeper, yelling at her to shut up. The tiefling just trashed harder against her grip.

“Good, my boy! You’re making the smart choice here.” Ikithon cooed, smiling with delight. “Eodwulf, proceed.”

 Before Eodwulf got close enough to touch him, however, he shot Jester a look, wordlessly telling her to run and cast Witch Bolt on Astrid. Lightning flared and the Scourger’s body shook, her hands loosening their grip on Jester. With a shove, Jester broke free and bolted for the door, looking behind her to see if Caleb would follow her. He couldn’t, he needed to stay behind and make sure they would not come after her.

Before she reached the door, though, Astrid stopped shaking and turned to the tiefling, anger lighting up her eyes. She raised her hand and yelled out a single Zemnian word and Caleb realized, far too late, what was happening.

“ _Totenstille!_ ” She growled and Jester stopped moving, her body falling to the ground, dead before she even hit the floor.

Caleb stopped breathing, he stopped thinking, his sight turned black around the edges and all he could see was Jester’s dead body. He raised his twig and let the second round of the Witch Bolt spell hit Astrid, sending her too her knees. He felt Wulf’s hand grasp his shoulder but only shrugged him off, grabbing the components for Cat’s Ire with shaking hands.

The giant cat’s paw rose up in the air, heading towards Astrid and Ikithon tried to Counterspell it, only for Caleb to Counterspell his attack. The claw reached Astrid’s still twitching form and its sharp claws raked their way down her body, tearing her open, blood spilling like a waterfall from her neck and torso. She tried to speak and blood pooled in her mouth, dripping down her chin in a way that reminded Caleb of her little sister Esther’s last moments. The light went out of her eyes and, with one last gasp of pain and shock, she hit the floor, lifeless.

Wulf let out a soft strangled sound and Caleb turned his head to look at the taller man. “I told you to run. Don’t make me repeat it.” He said in a monotone voice, not even noticing the hot tears that spilled down his cheeks.

Finally, Wulf seemed to truly hear him and began to back away towards the door. Ikithon yelled after him but he just ignored him, starting to run in earnest as soon as he was out of the building.

When Caleb turned his attention back on Ikithon, the old wizard was smiling. Before his incredulous eyes, he started to clap. “Veeery impressive, my little pup! You’ve truly proven yourself. Even after all these years, the spark I saw in you is still there. Oh, you were always my favourite, Bren!” He started to come closer and Caleb watched, unmoving, bile filling his mouth, as Ikithon reached up and stroked his cheek. “Things do not have to end this way. Come with me, join the Assembly again, return to the life that was meant to be yours! Your parents are gone now, so is your lover. But I’m still here, the Assembly is still here. Rejoin your true family, boy!”

None of the old man’s words reached his ears, except those about his love’s and his family’s fates. For once, he could say Ikithon was right. Without his family and Jester, what did he have to live for? What else was there in this reality? Nothing... without Jester he had nothing.

“Can you bring her back?” He asked in a weak voice.

Ikithon just shook his head, that sickening smile still plastered across his face.

“You used to know Revivify... Please, please bring her back! I’ll return to the Assembly, I’ll pay for my mistakes, anything for her!” He begged, falling to his knees.

“ _Nein!_  You must let her go, Bren, she was only dragging you away from greatness. Besides, she’s been gone for too long, only a ritual could bring her back now.” He said from above.

“A ritual?” Caleb asked.

“A plea to the Gods. But it is complex magic and demands several participants, people who knew and loved her.” Caleb thought of her mother, dead in the room above, the only other person who loved Jester as much as he did. “There’s nothing I can do about it.”

“Then you are no use to me...” He whispered, putting his palm to the floor. He cast Widogast’s Web of Flame, three lines of bright orange fire erupted from under his palm, rushing towards Ikithon’s legs, they climbed up his robes and engulfed him in flames, consuming him as fast as old paper.

Caleb got up and walked towards the door, he didn’t stay to watch his old master die, he didn’t even want to hear the screams of the man who had abused him for so long. He could take no satisfaction in his revenge, he felt nothing now that his heart was gone with Jester.

He picked up her body, so heavy in death he had to gather strength he didn’t know he had to be able to carry her. When he reached the small courtyeard outside of the Chateau, he knelt down and laid her beside him as he started to draw a teleportation circle on the floor.

He was going to fix this. No matter what, he was going to bring her back.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been gone for a century and a half... don't worry this fic has not been forgotten, the real world has just been a lot lately. So much as been changing, it's insane.   
> So, little warning, this chapter is a lot. It's massive and it's emotionally heavy so, if you're not having a great brain day, maybe read it tomorrow? Next chapter will be the last and I promisse you there will be a happy ending, so there's that!   
> Anyway, hope you enjoy. Remember, writers live on comments and kudos so don't let me starve!

Caleb knelt down in the cold stone floor in front of the Chateau, the crackling of flames and Ikithon’s muffled screams echoing in the air, and looked upon the face of the woman he loved. With shaky fingers, he touched her cheek, still a little warm but unnaturally pale, her freckles standing out in stark relief.

“Don’t take the Traveler’s hand yet, _Liebling_.” He said, his voice eerily calm even as his eyes blurred with tears. “This is not the end. I’ll bring you back, no matter what.”

He closed her eyes and laid a kiss on her forehead, sealing his promise, before he reached for his component pouch. It was hard tearing his eyes away from her, so he did it fast, like pulling out an arrow buried deep in your chest. Pain flared within, hot and pulsing, reminding him that this was his fault, her death was on his hands.

He took out the purple chalk, his keen mind remembering the exact intricate arcane symbols that would get him to whatever point in time and space he required, and drew the circle with quick, precise movements. Then he took the candles, four for the cardinal points, and placed them in their rightful spots, lighting them one by one in the correct order. All that was left now was to start chanting.

He grabbed Jester’s body, holding her close to his chest as he knelt withing the circle and began the chant, watching the flames of the lit candles turn, one by one, from orange to green. He brushed Jester’s hair, pushing it away from her face, and thought of a time of happiness and laughter, he thought of a group of friend that were more like family and a house with a tree, under a sunless sky. The green candlelight spread through the lines of the teleportation circle, turning the chalk a fluorescent lime that became brighter and brighter until Caleb could see nothing but a white, endless glare.

When his body started to become weightless, pulled up and forward by an unseen force, he was ready. What he had not prepared for, however, was the way that force acted upon Jester’s body, pulling her from his arms. He held her harder against him, tucking her head against the crook of his neck, refusing to let her go, afraid that she would not be there when he came out the other side. The pull of arcane energy fought against him for a second, trying to rip her away, before the loud crashing noise he had heard the last time echoed around him and the pulling stopped. Jester’s body regained its weight, falling hard into him and sending him to his knees as they reached their destination, they light of the spell dying around them.

Caleb looked up at the dark sky above Rosohna and almost smiled, something akin to hope burning in his chest. He gathered Jester in his arms, tucking her carefully against him again and rose up. It was very late, almost close to the time the sun would rise everywhere other than this city, but that meant the streets were empty. He walked fast but carefully, praying no guards spotted him and attempted to arrest him, thinking him an Empire spy. Fortunately, he was familiar with the streets of Rosohna and took every possible shortcut and darkened side street to reach the Xhorhaus as quickly as possible.

As he finally saw the stone manner, however, cold dread crawled down his spine. The house was dark, which he expected given the time. But it was not just the windows that didn’t show any light, there was also no light emanating from their magic tree. In fact, there was no tree at all.

He pushed trough the dread and knocked on the door, once, twice, three times, increasingly faster as time passed without him hearing anyone coming. Eventually, light came in throw the windows by the front door and a voice yelled for him to stop, that they were coming. A second later the door opened and Caleb’s jaw dropped.

In front of him was Mollymauk, looking slightly dazed in a ridiculous nightgown, but very much alive.

“Molly... Mollymauk...” He stuttered.

“In the flesh!” The tiefling grinned. “But... do I know you, love? I’ve been known to forget a face or too. Though none as lovely as yours, I assure you.”

“Oh Molly, I’ve missed you my friend...” He whispered.

The tiefling’s eyes softened and he opened his mouth to say something else before he noticed Jester, unconscious in his arms.

“Is... Is she alright? She looks very pale...” He asked in his lilting accent.

“ _Nein._ She needs help. Ca-can we come in? Please?” Caleb begged. “Is...Is Beau around?”

“Well, if it is an emergency...” He pushed the door open wider, letting him enter. “Beau! Get down here, we have a problem!” He called out to her.

Caleb moved through the house with the ease of someone familiar with the space, even in the dark. He took Jester into the kitchen and laid her body on the table, settling her down gently on the cold dark wood, and pushing her hair away from her face. Her cheeks were so cold now...

Soon after he heard rushed footsteps behind him, and turned to see Molly and Yasha in the doorway and Beau right behind him, staring with wide fearful eyes at Jester.

“What the fuck...” She whispered. “Is she dead?”

“ _Ja.”_  Caleb said, his voice frantic and breaking. Without even noticing, he had started crying again. “But I can fix this... we can fix this! Ikithon said there was a ritual... A ritual! Cad... Caduceus will know what to do! Please go get him...”

“Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about! Who’s Caduceus?” Beau asked, looking at Jester’s bloody dress like she could jump out and attack her at any moment.

“No, no, _no_... you _know_ , you _need to know_! Go get him! And Fjord! We need people who love her, we need him and you and _me_!” He started pulling at his hair frantically.

“Alright, you’re clearly not having a good time, darling. But you need to come down. We’re all friends here, yes?” Molly cut in.

“What do you even mean? We’re not friends, Molly! Do you know who he is?” Molly shrugged. “I _don’t_! His face is familiar but, like, that’s it...” Beau yelled out, getting almost as agitated as Caleb was. “And now he’s bringing a dead girl into our kitchen? That’s not okay, man!”

“Don’t... don’t just call her a ‘ _dead girl_ ’! She’s your best friend, Beau! You can’t just forget her... please, _please,_ don’t forget her!” He grabbed Beau by the shoulders, shaking her vigorously. Beau seemed too stunned to react and he didn’t even consider that, if she did, she could easily snap his arms in half just to get him off of her. He just needed her to do something, say something, to _remember_... But she couldn’t remember something that had never happened in this reality, could she? He couldn’t make her love a Jester she had never met.

Eventually, Yasha pulled Beau away, stepping in between the two of them.

“Wow there! You need to stop _right now_! This is getting out of hand...” She told him in her low, soothing voice. Then turned to Beau and took her face in her large, calloused hand. “You okay?”

Beau’s face broke into a small smile. “Yeah babe, I’m fine. He’s just freaking me out... Nothing he’s saying makes sense but I have this feeling like maybe it should?”

“Do you recognize the girl?” Yasha asked, rubbing her thumb over Beau’s cheek.

“No, I’ve never seen her before...”

Caleb crumbled to his knees, shaking with the realization that maybe he _couldn’t_  fix this. Jester had been the glue that brought them together, without her the Mighty Nein never came to be and without the Mighty Nein... without the love of these people that had been such a big part of her life, he couldn’t save her.

If she had died before leaving Nicodranas, she had never met Fjord and Beau on the road. They had never started a conversation with him and Nott in Trostenvald and convinced them to join in their visit to the circus. Without Jester and Fjord, Yasha alone had not attracted the attention of the Iron Shepherds and hadn’t been captured and Molly hadn’t died fighting Lorenzo to get her back. So they had never asked Caduceus for help... they had never met him at all. Without Jester in their lives, it was just Molly, Beau and Yasha, the rest of them... the rest of them were lost.  

“I’m so, so sorry, _Liebling_...” He sobbed. “ _I_  was the one that was supposed to be forgotten, not you. Never you, _Liebe_... They don’t even know how much they missed out on without you in their lives. But I do... and I swear I’ll never forget you, not as long as I breathe! I just wish that was enough to bring you back...”

A shadow covered the light that shone on his face from the hall and then Molly was crouching in front of him, looking concerned and understanding, just like that day in the sewers, when he had kissed his forehead and calmed him down.

“Hey there, love... Never mind Beauregard’s manners, she wants to help, she does. She just doesn’t know how. Can you... what can I call you, friend?” He said quietly, offering him a handkerchief with a gaudy embroidered peacock. Caleb took it but did not wipe at his face, balling it tightly in his fist.

“Ca-Caleb. Widogast.” He hiccuped.

“Alright! Mr. Caleb, who’s the lady on the table? What happened to her?” Molly asked softly.

“It was a spell, one second she was alive and then... not. Her name was... _Sheisse_! Her name _is_ Jester Lavorre.”

“Jester... that’s beautiful! She seems like a wonderful girl, Mr. Caleb.” He said quietly, looking up at her body on the table.

“Gods, she _is_... She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“And how long as she been gone for?”

“Less than an hour...” Caleb sighed.

“Good, that’s good!” He smiled a little. “I’m no expert in this, but I know that death, it doesn’t always have to be final. Maybe I can call one of the Bright Queen’s healers, or maybe some sort of priest? They worship this Luxon god and I’m pretty sure one of his things is rebirth-”

Something fired off in Caleb’s brain as he heard Molly talk about the Luxon. Not hope, he was far to gone for that now, but something almost similar to a plan, a whisper of an idea.

“The Luxon! Did you save a dodecahedron in Zadash? Did you bring it back to the Queen? A beacon, they call it a beacon...” He asked frantically.

Molly nodded slowly. “Yeah, he brought back one of those things. Why?”

“I didn’t study it nearly enough, the Queen was always so tight lipped about it... But I know it can help! That’s what the Luxon does, rebirth, fate... Where is it? Where do they keep it?”

“The throne room. He request to see it in the morning but-” Molly said.

“ _Nein_ , by morning it can be too late! I’m- I’m going there, _now._ ” Caleb began to stand, his legs shaky but his mind set.

“Mr. Caleb, there are guards all over the Bastion, you’ll never make it inside.” Molly called out as he walked out of the kitchen. He didn’t try to stop him though, none of them did, and that was for the best. “Be reasonable, let’s think this over...”

“I don’t have time to be reasonable, my friend. _Please_ , watch over Jester _._  I’ll be back soon, no matter what.”

 

*

He snuck his way around the city, using familiar hidden paths to get to the Bastion. There were two guards at the main entrance, watching over the door in their silver armor. Caleb hid behind the closest building and, keeping both of them in sight, cast Banishment on the two. As soon as they vanished, he used Disguise Self to look like the drow that had been on the right. He knew they would be back eventually and he would be in trouble then, but he didn’t care if they caught him and had him arrested and executed as an Empire spy, as long as he got to help Jester first.

In his drow disguise, he snuck inside the building, fighting to keep a pace that was fast but not abnormally so for a guard on duty, as he walked through the halls. From time to time, he would come face to face with another guard and his heart would start to race, but a small nod or a poignant look seemed to get him through without any trouble.

 He knew where the throne room was, he’d been there before, in his previous life, so it didn’t take him long to find the doors to the anti-chamber where the Nein used to wait for their turn. There were two guards on watch, chatting quietly in Undercommon, their helmet covered heads bowed. After all the times Beauregard had to translate things in Undercommon for them in his other timeline, Caleb had decided to learn the language in this new life and, although he knew his accent made his Undercommon far from perfect, he was glad to know it now.

“...and I heard that she told the general that-” One of the guards was saying. He stopped mid sentence once he saw Caleb and gave him a questioning look.

“There’s a disturbance in the Corona district. An Empire spy, they said.” He told them in a low, gruff voice, coughing loudly from time to time in the hopes that when his accent slipped they just thought he had something in his throat. “The general is ordering all available guards to come.”

The guards stood straighter and gripped their weapons tighter, readying to leave. When Caleb did not start walking ahead, however, they stopped.

“You’re not taking us there?” One of the guards asked.

“No. I....” He coughed again, trying to gain just a little more time to come up with an excuse. “I need to warn the rest of the guards in the Bastion. You go ahead, they need you as soon as possible!”

“How will we know where exactly to go?” The other asked, looking more suspicious than his companion. Caleb sighed and discreetly cast Friends on him.

“There is another guard at the door to guide you. Now go!” His face relaxed and he nodded. In a second, the two were marching down the hall and Caleb had the door to himself.

He pulled on the handle and, when it opened without a single creak, he snuck in, uttering a prayer of thanks to the Traveler. He had to be watching over Caleb, in this attempt to bring his follower back to life. Only the help of a God could have made that conversation go as smoothly as it did.

In his relief, he almost didn’t notice his spell fading, his body returning to its normal appearance as he scanned the waiting room. He didn’t bother casting it again, any guards inside the Cathedral of the Bright Queen would not let him anywhere near the beacon, even in disguise, so they would have to be dealt with in another way. He needed to save his next Disguise Self for when it was time to leave.

He walked around the fountain at the center of the room until he reached the door that led to the throne room. He took a moment to press his ear against the hood and listen in for movement on the other side. Nothing. Not a single voice or step or rustling of clothing. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door and entered the Cathedral.

The silence inside was so thick he could almost feel it press against him. He first thought it was magic, some kind of protective spell he wasn’t familiar with, but no, it was merely the quiet and his own fear, welcoming him into a place of unknown dangers.

The Cathedral of the Bright Queen was unusually dark, the dancing lights in the ceiling dimmed, casting strange shadows on the gray rock. There were no guards on this side of the door and Caleb supposed the ones allowed inside during the day were the Queen’s personal guard and must have followed her into her private quarters to keep watch during the evening.

Taking a couple of hesitant steps forward, he saw the thrones of the den leaders standing in front of him, sullen and empty. Except one. On the right side of the Queen’s massive stone throne, sitting in a much smaller carved black wood chair, Essek Thelyss was watched him with an amused expression, a book laying on his lap, forgotten.

“Oh, do continue! Don’t let me stop whatever misguided thing you’re attempting to do, human.” He said.

Caleb put his hands up, even though Essek made no move to stop him. “Please, Shadowhand, I don’t intend to do any harm.”

“Sure you don’t. That Zemnian accent is very telling.” The corner of his lip curled up in a smirk.

“Essek... I’m not an Empire spy. I’m just a desperate man, looking for the Luxon’s answers.” He pleaded, taking a single step forward.

Essek jumped up, his hands moving quickly under his robes, and Caleb felt his body lock up.

He didn’t try to resist the spell or struggle as it froze him in to place and Essek began to approach, floating noiselessly towards him.

“How do you know my name?” Essek whispered as he reached him, looming over him darkly. His hand shot out and grabbed Caleb’s jaw, long fingers digging in and angling it up so he could stare into his eyes. Something clicked in him then, something that brought new light into his gaze. “And why are you so familiar?”

“This may sound impossible, but I need you to listen.” Caleb pleaded. “I come from another timeline. A reality where we know one another, where you are my mentor... and my friend.”

“A... friend?” Essek asked, not sounding convinced at all.

“ _Ja._ In my reality, I was a part of the group that retrieved the beacon of the Luxon and brought it back to the Queen. Me and Beauregard and Yasha and J-” Jester’s name died on his lips. She was gone in this timeline, her name would mean nothing to him. “We’re your friends.”

There was a pause, where Essek said nothing, he just looked into his eyes and flexed his fingers against his skin, magic sparking just under the surface. “Assuming I believe anything you’re saying... How did you get to this reality?”

“Dunamancy. You taught me so much about it... You’re a fantastic professor. I’ve adapted one of the spells you taught me so I could return to the past... and I’ve ruined everything. That’s why I’m here, looking for answers.”

Essek sighed, and let go of his face. “You’re right, this does sound impossible. But I can’t deny it also rings true... I have seen you before, inside the beacon. I know we are acquainted... somewhere.” He flicked his wrist, and the holding spell faded, making Caleb wobble on his feet. “What is your name?”

“Caleb. Caleb Widogast.” 

“And what answers exactly were you looking for in here, Mr. Widogast?” Essek asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest, ready to listen to everything he had to tell.

Caleb hesitated for a moment, the will to keep his secrets, to not give away their power, still buried deep within him. Except then he took a deep breath and let it out, all of it. He told Essek everything that had happened with his parents, and Jester and Ikithon, he told him all his sins and regrets and hopes and it felt freeing, it felt right. Essek didn’t interrupt, he didn’t comment and didn’t judge when he started to cry again, he just listened.

“I need to bring her back... That’s why I’m here. If anything can save her it’s that beacon.”

Essek shook his head slowly, his face sad and weary. “I’m so sorry, Caleb. I’m sorry you and your Jester had to go through all of this... but the beacon cannot bring her back, it can’t resurrect her. That’s not what it does. The beacon can only give souls a new life, in a new body. Re-birth, not resurrection... and only if the person died in its vicinity.”

Caleb covered his eyes with his hands, trying to stop himself from hyperventilating. “ _Nein_... please, _please_  don’t say that! Just let me look into the beacon, let me try to fix this! There has to be a way, another reality...”

“Alright, alright!” He put a steady hand on Caleb’s shoulder, trying to calm him to no avail. “I can let you look into the beacon. But you must promise me, if you don’t get the answers that you want, that you won’t do anything reckless.”

“If your concern if for the beacon, I can assure you I won’t lash out against it.” He grimaced. “But that’s as far as my promises go.”

Essek sighed loudly. “Very well. I’d rather not have to hurt you but, if it comes to that, know that I wont hesitate. Now follow me, before I change my mind.”

He guided Caleb to a corner of the room where the beacon was sitting in a familiar looking tripod structure, flanked by similar empty ones. It glowed from within, seeming to pulse with increasing intensity as they approached it. Essek muttered an incantation Caleb had never heard before under his breath, hands moving in precise, sharp motions and a structure of purple glowing lines appeared all around the tripod, like a spider’s web. As he spoke, the lines crossed and uncrossed into odd patterns until, all at once, they sparked and fell away, disappearing into purple shimmering particles.

“I trust you know how to gaze upon it, yes? This time, do not let your mind follow the glow of your own possibilities. Think of her, let the beacon give you different answers. I’ll try to guide you through it.”

Caleb laid his hands on the surface of the dodecahedron as Essek grabbed his shoulder again. The void pulled him in almost immediately, his eyes becoming overcome by the starry darkness. Pinpricks of light flew around him, disembodied voices that sounded almost like his own called to him, yet he stood still, in the middle of it all.

“Forget yourself, there is only her, only Jester.” Essek’s voice whispered behind him.

Caleb began to remember Jester, how she was in this reality and in his last. He thought of her beautiful smile and the sound of her laughter and she color of her eyes, he remembered how tightly she hugged him when he showed her how he could make floating amber lollipops and unicorns and how sweetly she’d held his hands and promised him he could always come to her to talk about his past.

The lights swirled in front of him and formed into a see-through image of Jester, stopped mid laughter. Little by little, she began to move, her soundless giggles becoming audible.

“Come on, Cayleeeb!” She said, gesturing for him to follow her.

Caleb stood still in shock, the sound of her voice so real it brought tears to his eyes again. He forced himself to follow, not taking the hand she offered him because he knew his fingers would just go right through it and he didn’t want to the illusion to fall apart just yet. She approached one of the specks of light and suddenly they were on the beach and he was kissing her in her pretty white dress and it all looked so real, it _felt_  real.

“What do you see?” Essek asked him.

“It’s... it’s what happened this evening, in this reality. Wait...” Things began to change, a red stain started to bloom in Jester’s dress and she went limp in his arms, while Astrid’s laughter rang through the night. “No, no, _no_... not again!”

“It’s not real, just one of many possibilities. Let it go, find something else.”

It took everything in him to let her go but, when he did, her body did not fall but fade away into white sparks. He turned his gaze towards the water and the see-through Jester appeared again, amid the waves.

“Follow me!” She giggled.

He did, this time without hesitation. The water disappeared as he stepped through, never quite reaching his feet and, soon enough, the sand turned black and he found himself back in the empty darkness of the beacon. He looked around, no longer seeing Jester, and began to panic again.

“ _Liebling_? Where are you?” He called out.

Jester’s answer was nothing but a giggle but he followed it desperately, almost tripping over himself in the void. The next light source led him to an unfamiliar living room, sun drenched and beautifully decorated with murals of forests and beaches. There were multiple stacked bookshelves in one corner and an easel by the window with an unfinished painting and the air smelled like freshly baked cupcakes. Caleb had never felt so at home.

“Jester?”

“Just a second, need to take this out of the oven!” Jester said from the next room. “Darling, go say hi to dad.”

Light footsteps echoed from the other side of the door and a little pale blue tiefling with a tangle of bright orange curls came rushing towards him.

“Papa!” She called out.

Caleb fell to his knees, hugging the little girl tightly against him. His daughter... their daughter, he couldn’t believe it! He kissed the top of her head, inhaling her sweet cinnamon scent, just like her mother’s, and patted her teeny-tiny horns. The little girl looked up at him with eyes that were so much like his own and smiled, showing one missing fang. Caleb had never thought love at first sight was a real thing, until he saw his daughter. In a moment, she became his entire world.

“Papa, Mama made cupcakes, come have one!” She said.

“Of course, _mein Schatzi, mein Liebe_...” He cooed, picking her up.

Before they made into the kitchen, however, he heard a crash and Jester screamed. Caleb ran as fast as he could wile holding his little girl who had started to sob in fear. Astrid was standing next to the oven, holding a knife to Jester’s neck, smiling manically, just like she had at the Chateau.

“Astrid, please! Don’t do this... We have a child!” He pleaded.

“Don’t worry, she’s next.” Astrid said, pressing the blade closer.

Before he could speak again, she slid the knife across Jester’s neck and, as her blood started to spill, Caleb screamed, closing his eyes against the sight.

“ _Caleb_! Caleb, calm down! You need to remember that it’s not real, don’t let it control you! Tell it what you want, take charge!” He heard Essek say though the haze of noise and pain.

Not daring to open his eyes yet, he spoke straight at the see-trough Jester, the one that seemed to be guiding him. “I get it, I get it! I can’t keep her safe, being around me will always get her killed... But what if I had never entered her life? Show me that! Let me see her happy and alive, even if it’s without me!”

She didn’t answer but he knew things had changed because he no longer felt the weight of the daughter they could have had in his arms. He looked again and the see-through tiefling was beside him, pointing at a new light. She didn’t go towards it, though, nor did she gesture for him to go, she just stood there and let it approach. The while glow turned slowly into a picture of the Nicodranas skyline at night and Caleb saw the Ruby of the sea in her balcony with a naked human man. He grabbed her wrist angrily and the Ruby turned to Jester, looking surprised and frightened. He realized it was Lord Sharp, as he started to scream and shake Jester violently. He tried to interfere but they were too far and before he could ask the Jester guide to get closer, Sharp pushed Jester off the balcony.

“ _Nein_! What... why? This is not what I asked you!” He screamed at the glowing figure.

She laughed dryly, her smile gone, and snapped her fingers. More images started to flash before his eyes, fast an insistent: Jester and Fjord fighting a giant snake and getting killed, Jester getting beaten to death by Lorenzo and the Iron Shepherds, Jester being arrested and executed for defaming a temple in the Empire. Each image was more and more horrible and Caleb could do nothing but stand there and watch, tears spilling from his eyes.

“The-there has to be a way... is there no reality where she is safe?” He cried out. “ _Please_ , show me what to do! I just want to save her!”

She nodded and the air around them shifted until they were in a darkened hallway, and Jester was in her nightgown, crying in his arms about wanting to heal their friends and he was promising her things would be better in the morning. He was back in his original reality.

“This... this is the only reality where she gets to be safe and happy?” The Jester in his arms smiled. “But... I was there, with all my problems and my regrets, my baggage... and still, she was alive and thriving. Because we were all there for one another...” She nodded. “Oh, I was such a fool! A selfish fool! For putting my past ahead of everything my present had and my future could give me... Thank you, for showing me this.”

Beacon Jester’s smile widened and then she started to fade into sparks. Caleb felt himself, his real world self, pull away from the beacon and blink back his tears as he returned to reality. For a moment, there was just silence, as he organized his thoughts.

“Did you get your answer?” Essek asked quietly, removing his hand from Caleb’s shoulder.

“ _Ja_... I guess, deep down, I knew it all along, I just refused to see it. I have to go back to where I came from, it’s the only way to make things right again... I just don’t know if I can.”

“What about the spell that brought you here?” He asked.

“That spell lets you travel backwards and forwards in time. But I’m afraid, that with all the changes I made along the way, that I started a new timeline all together. What I need now is not to travel, but to reset.” Caleb sighed.

“New magic is made everyday. If, at one point in time, you were my student, then you must be very bright. I’m sure you can find your way back home.” He smiled, just a little, and it made Caleb wander if he had seen something in the dodecahedron as well. “Good luck, Caleb Widogast. I hope to see you and your lady love in another time.”

“I’ll make sure to let your other self know you’re a good man, no matter what world you’re in.” He said, turning himself back into a guard to make his way to the Xhorhaus.

There was a new fire withing him, one that could not be put out, no matter the odds that stood against him. He was powerless against death and the wickedness of fate, but magic? That he understood, that he could mold and shape to his will.

He would figure that spell out, he would return home.

He would see his Jester again, happy and alive.

And, this time, he would keep his promise to her. He would stay, forever if she’d let him.


End file.
